Sunday, January 30, 2011

Child of Divorce, Child of God (part 2)

...continued from part one...

Chapter 3:  The Weight of the World
In this chapter, Steakley references another book called Between Two Worlds:  The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce to explain how children take on the task of straddling two worlds--not bridging a chasm, but juggling two (sometimes very) different home cultures.  These "home cultures" encompass not just the number of family members but also values, beliefs, disciplinary methods, financial resources, etc.

In "whole" families, the parents are responsible for meshing together their two different worlds, but in divorced families, this responsibility of "reconciling these differences" and "making sense of competing worldviews"(52) is left to the children.  Divorce means that children have to grow up quickly, which often means feeling like no one understands, taking care of themselves, and/or negotiating their parents' relationship(s).

Steakley reminds us that God is present in the midst of our "messy situations," and wants to lift/carry our burdens so we don't have to.  God redeems our lives, and is with us every step, telling us which way to go.

Chapter 4:  All You Need is Love (cue the Beatles' music)
"In order to really love someone, we have to know them well."  This chapter primarily deals with the thought that divorced children doubt that they will ever be loved or will be able to love others well--especially in the context of marriage.  Having experienced divorce and its aftereffects, children of divorce know that marriage is not to be taken lightly, and that it requires communication and work.

God has created us, and therefore knows us better than we know ourselves, and loves us anyway even with our "deepest and darkest secrets."  God shows us God's love in many different ways that we could notice if only we stop and pay attention.  Our identity is not "child of divorce" but "child of God", and that does not change with what we do or don't do, or our circumstances in life.  God loves us no matter what, and His love is the example we should strive to emulate.

...part three coming soon...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Child of Divorce, Child of God (part 1)

Lately I've been reading this book by Kristine Steakley, herself a child of divorce.  The subtitle is "A Journey of Hope and Healing," and the book is written from a Christian perspective.  Throughout the book, Steakley weaves together stories from her own experience as well as from others, and then points out lessons we can learn about the nature of God and how we can cling to God in the midst of pain.

On this blog, I'll share a few "nuggets" of wisdom from each chapter that apply to anyone, not just children from divorced families.  I'll also include some quotes from the book to give a glimpse of each chapter and to share these "nuggets" if they are too good to paraphrase!

Chapter 1:  The Trouble We Have Seen
This chapter introduces one of the premises of the whole book:  that children of divorce, however put-together they appear, are in actuality deeply affected by their parents' divorce.
Steakley reminds readers that God is aware of our pain--not wasting our tears but saving them in a bottle!--and is still walking beside us in the darkest of times.  We can trust in God's continual presence even when our prayers for relief from our problems do not seem to be answered.

*"As God heals our hearts, he can use our sorrows and our stories to bring healing into the lives of others" (31).  In my life, my desire is that God will shape me to reflect Christ more and use the circumstances of my life to draw people to Himself.

Chapter 2:  Faith(fulness) of Our Fathers
So many children of divorce have had their parents break promises -- not simply promises of "till death do us part"but broken expectations and hopes of what their childhood/family life would be like.  This leads to trust issues -- becoming vulnerable to others too easily or not opening up to others at all.  There is a juxtaposition between wanting to belong with others yet holding back and holding low expectations of relationships.

God doesn't disappoint, forget, or abandon us.  God doesn't change God's mind.  God is faithful to the work that He has promised to do in the world, and to follow through with the words God has spoken.

*God has been faithful all along, and just as Moses saw "where [God] just was" (37), we can look back and see how God has orchestrated the details of our lives.  God has been working not only in the past but in the present as well -- we must "practice the discipline of seeing God at work" (40).

...more chapters coming soon...

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

January 5

By the time this is posted, I will be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean or Europe, on my way back to Kiev.

January 5 has been a significant day in my life for travel.  All right, maybe not "significant", because most of these times I've booked my own plane tickets.  Observe the following trends of what has happened on this date through the years in my life:

2004:  Returned from my first overseas trip, first missions trip, to Nicaragua.

2005:  I was a senior in high school, taking guitar class, among other things.  Nothing momentous there.

2006:  Left Boston on my way to Belize and Guatemala for a biology course.

2007:  Wolly Bible quiz meet.  Also, taking Human Exceptionalities as a J-term course, as a sophomore in college.

2008:  Was halfway (in time) between YIM trips to Mexico and Ukraine.

2009:  Began student teaching at Atlantic Middle School

2010:  Flew back to Ukraine after Christmas break

2011:  Flew back to Ukraine after Christmas break