My thoughtful spot

The Voices in My Head

2011-10-28T11:22:00.003-04:00

No, I'm not talking about auditory hallucinations.

Or maybe I am.

I'm talking about the voices and attitudes that I've been hearing in my mind recently.

"Busyness, accomplishments, and others' encouragement express my worthiness."

"Facebook posts, emails, and calls from friends or compliments from students means that I am accepted by them."

"I need a mentor to answer my questions about situations in my life and give me guidance."

"If I work for my friend's company, I will be financially secure even while serving as a volunteer teacher (or as a grad student) and I won't have to do a thing."

"To rejuvenate from being around people all the time, I simply need to relax by getting online or going to bed early, maybe even reading Scripture."

"Going to a conference or meetings, helping with teams, working on missions-type things, means that I am REALLY a missionary."

Maybe some of these aren't completely false or sinful, but they reflect prideful, individualistic attitudes that do not emphasize Christ in me. Lately I have been reading the book "Lies Young Women Believe," and have been thinking about the attitudes I hold. Perhaps the voices could be reworded to show the underlying lies--like this:

"Busyness, accomplishments, and others' encouragement express my worthiness." My value as a person is determined by what I do and by what other people say about me rather than by God's grace, love, and words spoken in Scripture or shown by Christ.

"Facebook posts, emails, and calls from friends or compliments from students means that I am accepted by them." Approval from others is more important than God's approval.

"I need a mentor to answer my questions about situations in my life and give me guidance." Listening to others is easier than learning to listen to God's voice, because they are right in front of me.

"If I work for my friend's company, I will be financially secure even while serving as a volunteer teacher (or as a grad student) and I won't have to do a thing." I can earn money simply to save it away for the future, and not to give it away.

"To rejuvenate from being around people all the time, I simply need to relax by getting online or going to bed early, maybe even reading Scripture." These are "easy" fixes that seem to address being "peopled-out", but don't address my foundational need for a deep relationship with Christ.

"Going to a conference or meetings, helping with teams, working on missions-type things, means that I am REALLY a missionary." My identity as a missionary is based on what I do rather than God's purpose of redemption in this world and how He chooses to use us.

A few weeks ago, my roommate and I stayed in the house we lived in last year in order to babysit that family's children. That was actually when I began writing this post, and am just now publishing it. That is not to say that once I identified some of these lies in my life, I was able to combat them and now I am EXTREMELY close to God. No. I recognize these attitudes in my life as not being Christlike, but God's not finished with me yet. I'm a work in progress, and He's still got some transforming to do in my life. :)

Now, one of the things God is teaching me is about trusting Him first. Jesus has promised to be with us always. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He holds everything together.

So often, when there is something going on in my life, I ponder it to myself, talk to my friends/mentors, THEN pray and seek God about it. We all know the "Sunday school answer" is to trust God first, and although this is the most basic, it's the hardest to put into practice.

He has my best interests in mind. All things are for His glory, for drawing me closer to Christ, and for refining/defining my faith in Him.

God is good, and He can be trusted.

Behind my back or always before me?

2011-09-02T19:18:00.003-04:00

The past two Sundays, we've sung this song in church.

Безусловно возлюбил Ты меня
Привёл в Свой мир
Твой покой во мне
И с Тобой ушёл весь страх

Всем людям рассказать Твою историю
Я был призван Тобою
Был призван Тобою
Что отдана вся жизнь Твоим обещаньям
Я ведь не скрою. Я не скрою

Верю я в Тебя, Иисус
До края земли
Я пойду за Тобой
Я пойду за Тобой

Ведь Ты один Святый Божий Сын
Увидит целый мир, Что Ты мой Бог
Что Ты мой Бог.

Okay, that meant nothing to most of you. You probably skipped right over it. Today in the MS/HS chapel, we sang it in English!

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell your story
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

Pastor Vova preached on Matthew 16:21-23 this past week, primarily the part where Jesus said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan!" He said Jesus recognized the "voice" of Satan, trying to tempt Jesus and distract him from following God's will.

This week, in my one-year Bible plan, I have been reading through Ezekiel (lots of gloom and doom), and 23:35 stuck out to me. God chastises Israel and Judah, saying "You have forgotten me and thrust me behind your back." In other words, they have put themselves first, and God is farther back in their priorities, even out of sight.

I have sung these song lyrics 3 times now -- am I singing the truth from my heart? It's a matter of priorities, of loving God with ALL my being, and loving others as I love myself. What will I give to the world to tell God's story of redemption? Will I give up my friendships, others' opinions of myself, familiarity and comfort (even if it is another language, or hiding behind a screen), acceptance from peers?

I want my identity to be wrapped up in the fact that I am a child of God, created in God's image, loved by God. So much of how I think or perceive myself is based on others. What God's been teaching me lately, or at least what I keep hearing, is to put Him first, to allow Him to satisfy any loneliness I have, to put others' needs before mine.

Psalm 116

2011-07-11T22:35:00.000-04:00

  I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
   he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
   I will call on him as long as I live.
  The cords of death entangled me,
   the anguish of the grave came over me;
   I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD:
   “LORD, save me!”

  The LORD is gracious and righteous;
   our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the unwary;
   when I was brought low, he saved me.

  Return to your rest, my soul,
   for the LORD has been good to you.

  For you, LORD, have delivered me from death,
   my eyes from tears,
   my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
   in the land of the living.

  I trusted in the LORD when I said,
   “I am greatly afflicted”;
in my alarm I said,
   “Everyone is a liar.”

  What shall I return to the LORD
   for all his goodness to me?

  I will lift up the cup of salvation
   and call on the name of the LORD.
I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
   in the presence of all his people.

  Precious in the sight of the LORD
   is the death of his faithful servants.
Truly I am your servant, LORD;
   I serve you just as my mother did;
   you have freed me from my chains.

  I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
   and call on the name of the LORD.
I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
   in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the LORD—
   in your midst, Jerusalem.

   Praise the LORD.

It is the Lord Jesus Christ who "unbreaks" us and makes us whole again. Through His grace and presence, we can be whole again. It's not a matter of our effort, but of allowing His presence to shape our lives.

Thoughts on John 8

2011-05-21T08:37:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been reading a book called "Why Not Women? A Fresh Look at Scripture on Women in Missions, Ministry, and Leadership." One of the co-authors is Loren Cunningham of Youth with a Mission (YWAM).

Thus far in the book, the authors have discussed the cultural perspectives of ancient Greek, ancient Rome, and many Jewish rabbis within Judaism. I'm in the section right now that discusses how Jesus broke down these standards.

Among other stories from the Gospels, the authors discuss the story of the woman caught in adultery--you can read it in John 8. Here's a short summary.

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery, and reminded Jesus of the law that says to "stone such women." Essentially, this was a trap they set for Jesus.

The next thing that Jesus does is to write on the ground with his finger. We are not told what he wrote. The people kept questioning him, so he replied, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Little by little, the people left, the older ones first. When it was just Jesus and the woman, Jesus asked her, "Where are they? Has anyone condemned you?...Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:1-11)

Have you ever noticed the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought only the WOMAN to Jesus? What happened to the man? As the author of this chapter states, "Can a woman commit adultery by herself?"

Yesterday, my friend and I were talking about this passage. Verse 9 says, "At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time..." I'd always assumed "this" referred to Jesus' statement -- but the sentence immediately preceding verse 9 is Jesus writing on the ground again! We wondered what Jesus could have written, since it doesn't say in the text. What would've been powerful enough to send the people away?

Here's one possibility (which others may have already thought of). The law the teachers/Pharisees were citing can be found in Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 22:22: "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife -- with the wife of his neighbor -- both the adulterer and adulteress must be put to death" and "If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel."

What if Jesus was writing these passages from the Law of Moses? Obviously the teachers of the law and the Pharisees had indeed found people committing adultery, but they let the man go. By holding this double standard, they were guilty themselves of not upholding the Law of Moses. Jesus could have been showing them that they too were not following the Law of Moses, thereby sinning because they were not purging evil from their own hearts. How many times have we pointed fingers of blame at others while failing to notice the sin in our own lives?

One other thought from this passage: Jesus did not condemn this woman. Rather, he offered her a second chance and a command to leave her life of sin. When we are convicted of sin in our lives, Jesus offers a chance to turn to Him and walk in his ways instead of the ways of sin. This is a step by step journey, as I have been learning recently--it's about choices we make each and every day. Yes, there are times when Jesus instantly and completely changes our desires or attitudes, but often there are times when we need to practice a humble Christ-like attitude, self-control in our actions and thoughts, love toward others, or think before we speak. We cannot make these changes on our own, but it's the power of God's Spirit at work within us.

Praise God that he takes our brokenness and makes it beautiful!

Osama bin Laden is dead -- and there was much rejoicing?

2011-05-02T02:48:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you have all read the headlines and heard about the crowd gathered by the White House to celebrate.

"Justice has been done," said the president in a dramatic late-night announcement at the White House.

Justice? What is the world's idea of justice? This just makes me think that it's "eye for eye, tooth for tooth." So many are REJOICING over the DEATH of someone -- but Christ is about life! I want to dig deeper into the biblical understanding of justice. I'm certain that it does not include rejoicing over the death of a nonbeliever.

Here are some of my thoughts from just a few hours after hearing this news (all over Facebook).

I wasn't sure that they could know it was really his body, but my friend told me they confirmed it with DNA tests.

Killing the leader of a terrorist organization isn't going to stop terrorism overnight. That's like assassinating the president and expecting the country to fall to pieces immediately. And it's not going to bring the dead soldiers back to life.

President Obama's announcement has such an appeal to our emotions: the imagery of 9/11, "empty seat at the dinner table," claiming to be the victims, and a sense of patriotic unity. Maybe I'm a heretic, but this almost seems like propaganda.

This other part stuck out to me too:

So Americans understand the costs of war. Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are.

Following Jesus usually includes some level of "threatened security." Think of the believers in Central Asia, China, and Muslim countries, where believers can be killed for their faith. This shows me that the American dream has gotten mixed into Christianity, where many value their comfort over following Christ.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to live in a war state or dictatorship, and I understand that it is the military's role to defend the country. What bothers me is this jubilation and patriotism stemming from a person's death. bin Laden is (was) a human being just like any of us -- he laughed, he cried, he had family, he wrote poems (I just learned that today).

Recommended Reading: Tea with Hezbollah

Believe God's Truth when you struggle

2011-04-29T03:07:00.000-04:00

The following is an excerpt from "The Other Side" of missions, a blog written by an MK from S. America.

I submit to you that mks are in a lot of trouble. God allows trials in our life that tend to be accompanied with troubles that we allow. We can find ourselves dwelling in caves of frustration, depression and loneliness because that trouble is carefully masked as believable lies. Read these and see if any sound familiar:

“I’m not at all what everyone in these churches think I am. I’m a horrible missionary kid and a terrible Christian.”
“I always seem to mess up and give a bad testimony to our people. Why even try to live this ministry-focused life?”
“Money is always tight. It’s my fault for asking for new books and new shoes.”
“No one seems to remember I exist when I am on the field. There must be something wrong with me.”
“I’ll never fit in. No one will ever want me. How in the world will anyone find me attractive when I’m so different?”

I could honestly go on and on. Where did I come up with those examples? Well, um, I have a cousin who has an aunt who knows a friend that has a sister that told me. Using Ps. 71:20-24 God opened my eyes to why He allows troubles to come and what He wants me to do with them.

*God allows trials so I might rely on Him and recognize how helpless I truly am! Only He has the power to lift me out of my cave. Rather than resent the trials and troubles that sprinkle my life, I can rejoice in them as instruments that draw me closer to God. (vs. 20)
*God isn’t disgusted and repulsed by my needing Him. He loves it when I cry to Him! After He restores me and revives my heart, He blesses me beyond what I have known and He comforts me in a plethora of refreshing ways. It blows my mind that He would lovingly place trials in my path, give me the strength to grow through those trials, bless me even when I’m weak, and comfort me what I feel like I’ve made a mess of things! (vs. 21)
*The result of Him being God Almighty in my life is a daily praising of His name. What is the first thing listed that we praise God for? His Truth! As we are in times of trouble and testing, the devil will try to bring us down with his lies! (vs. 22)

Have you ever been there? In a cave infested with lies and doubts that leave you feeling exhausted, worthless, and empty? Being bombarded with lies is definitely seen as “trouble” in the Lord’s eyes! God helped me see that to defeat those lies I had to read the Truth and I had to believe it. (accept it as truth) If the Lord has shown you something that has helped you in this particular step, please pass it on!

I've realized lately that when I claim that I am left out of various gatherings (whether it's because I'm not in the US with my friends or because of some of the dynamics of life here) and dwell on this idea, it's actually because I am lonely and not turning to God like I should. Dwelling on this idea that I am "out of the loop" just creates a pity party.

God does and will deliver me from these lies, and I need to trust Him.

Child of Divorce, Child of God (part 2)

2011-01-30T14:09:00.000-05:00

...continued from part one...

Chapter 3: The Weight of the World
In this chapter, Steakley references another book called Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce to explain how children take on the task of straddling two worlds--not bridging a chasm, but juggling two (sometimes very) different home cultures. These "home cultures" encompass not just the number of family members but also values, beliefs, disciplinary methods, financial resources, etc.

In "whole" families, the parents are responsible for meshing together their two different worlds, but in divorced families, this responsibility of "reconciling these differences" and "making sense of competing worldviews"(52) is left to the children. Divorce means that children have to grow up quickly, which often means feeling like no one understands, taking care of themselves, and/or negotiating their parents' relationship(s).

Steakley reminds us that God is present in the midst of our "messy situations," and wants to lift/carry our burdens so we don't have to. God redeems our lives, and is with us every step, telling us which way to go.

Chapter 4: All You Need is Love (cue the Beatles' music)
"In order to really love someone, we have to know them well." This chapter primarily deals with the thought that divorced children doubt that they will ever be loved or will be able to love others well--especially in the context of marriage. Having experienced divorce and its aftereffects, children of divorce know that marriage is not to be taken lightly, and that it requires communication and work.

God has created us, and therefore knows us better than we know ourselves, and loves us anyway even with our "deepest and darkest secrets." God shows us God's love in many different ways that we could notice if only we stop and pay attention. Our identity is not "child of divorce" but "child of God", and that does not change with what we do or don't do, or our circumstances in life. God loves us no matter what, and His love is the example we should strive to emulate.

...part three coming soon...

Child of Divorce, Child of God (part 1)

2011-01-17T13:23:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been reading this book by Kristine Steakley, herself a child of divorce. The subtitle is "A Journey of Hope and Healing," and the book is written from a Christian perspective. Throughout the book, Steakley weaves together stories from her own experience as well as from others, and then points out lessons we can learn about the nature of God and how we can cling to God in the midst of pain.

On this blog, I'll share a few "nuggets" of wisdom from each chapter that apply to anyone, not just children from divorced families. I'll also include some quotes from the book to give a glimpse of each chapter and to share these "nuggets" if they are too good to paraphrase!

Chapter 1: The Trouble We Have Seen
This chapter introduces one of the premises of the whole book: that children of divorce, however put-together they appear, are in actuality deeply affected by their parents' divorce.
Steakley reminds readers that God is aware of our pain--not wasting our tears but saving them in a bottle!--and is still walking beside us in the darkest of times. We can trust in God's continual presence even when our prayers for relief from our problems do not seem to be answered.

*"As God heals our hearts, he can use our sorrows and our stories to bring healing into the lives of others" (31). In my life, my desire is that God will shape me to reflect Christ more and use the circumstances of my life to draw people to Himself.

Chapter 2: Faith(fulness) of Our Fathers
So many children of divorce have had their parents break promises -- not simply promises of "till death do us part"but broken expectations and hopes of what their childhood/family life would be like. This leads to trust issues -- becoming vulnerable to others too easily or not opening up to others at all. There is a juxtaposition between wanting to belong with others yet holding back and holding low expectations of relationships.

God doesn't disappoint, forget, or abandon us. God doesn't change God's mind. God is faithful to the work that He has promised to do in the world, and to follow through with the words God has spoken.

*God has been faithful all along, and just as Moses saw "where [God] just was" (37), we can look back and see how God has orchestrated the details of our lives. God has been working not only in the past but in the present as well -- we must "practice the discipline of seeing God at work" (40).

...more chapters coming soon...

January 5

2011-01-05T12:14:00.029-05:00

By the time this is posted, I will be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean or Europe, on my way back to Kiev.

January 5 has been a significant day in my life for travel. All right, maybe not "significant", because most of these times I've booked my own plane tickets. Observe the following trends of what has happened on this date through the years in my life:

2004: Returned from my first overseas trip, first missions trip, to Nicaragua.

2005: I was a senior in high school, taking guitar class, among other things. Nothing momentous there.

2006: Left Boston on my way to Belize and Guatemala for a biology course.

2007: Wolly Bible quiz meet. Also, taking Human Exceptionalities as a J-term course, as a sophomore in college.

2008: Was halfway (in time) between YIM trips to Mexico and Ukraine.

2009: Began student teaching at Atlantic Middle School

2010: Flew back to Ukraine after Christmas break

2011: Flew back to Ukraine after Christmas break

Lord, when did we see you hungry?

2010-12-12T14:56:00.002-05:00

The following is an anonymous twentieth-century Lutheran prayer from France, found in a book of prayers.

Lord, when did we see you hungry?

I was hungry and you were flying around the moon.
I was hungry and you told me to wait.
I was hungry and you formed a committee.
I was hungry and you talked about other things.

I was hungry and you told me:
“There is no reason.”
I was hungry
And you had bills to pay for weapons.
I was hungry and you told me:
“Now machines do that kind of work.”
I was hungry and you said:
“Law and order come first.”
I was hungry and you said:
“There are always poor people.”
I was hungry and you said:
“My ancestors were hungry too.”
I was hungry and you said:
“After age fifty, no one will hire you.”
I was hungry and you said:
“God helps those in need.”
I was hungry and you said:
“Sorry, stop by again tomorrow.”

Finishing

2010-12-03T17:18:00.000-05:00

I want to be known as someone who finishes, and who finishes well.

For a simple example, I multi-task quite often, in an attempt to finish my tasks more quickly. While working on my laundry (hanging it to dry or putting it away), I might listen to an audiobook or sermon podcast. My internet browser frequently has tabs for Facebook, Gmail, and at least two other websites open at the same time, while Skype and iTunes are running in the background. My roommate and I read "From Nyet to Da" to each other while preparing or cleaning after dinner.

Many times, I start reading 3 articles at the same time (to clarify, they are in 3 separate tabs). I bounce between them, based on their length and reading level/depth of thought. Within the past year, I have forced myself to FINISH one before starting another, in order to develop better self-discipline.

The following link is a video of a cross-country runner who struggled to finish her race because of severe leg pain. Just before she reached the finish line, she collapsed on the ground. So close! BUT here's the amazing thing -- she pulled herself up and finished the race by crawling.

She couldn't finish the race by simply laying there and wishing herself across the remaining 5 m. Nor did she have the stamina to stand on her legs (by the time she stood up, she might as well have stepped over the finish line). Yet she did the only thing possible at that moment -- crawl.

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/runner-crawls-across-the-finish-line-23309759

So many things in life I want to finish, and finish well. First semester for this school year finishes in a couple weeks, and I have a lot of knowledge to pass along to my students. I don't know if I will be here in Ukraine next year (I still need to make my decision), or if I will be back home in MD, or if I will be somewhere else in the US. No matter what it takes, I want to finish things well and make sure things are complete.

A few weeks ago, while attempting to write my personal mission statement, I reread the following verse:

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:6, NIV)

I cannot carry ministries on to completion. I cannot follow and guide all of my ministry students (Wolly quizzing or KCA students) through their high school years and daily challenge them in their walk with Christ. I cannot finish the work here in Ukraine.

I cannot complete God's work in me, by my own power. There's no way I can make myself whole, or ensure God-type success in the endeavors God leads my way.

But here's the amazing thing -- whatever it is that GOD has purposed for my life, the life He's given me, HE will complete. What God starts, God finishes. This isn't like my website-hopping -- God will stick with me, walking me through the good times and the bad, the crystal-clear times and the murky uncertain times. Quite often, I muddle through life, trying to figure out the next step, but it's because I want to rely on what I know, what I think is best, what friends or books say, what's familiar or comfortable for me.

If only I could see the big picture of what God's intended for my life, and what the next step is...to find out how to begin...All I can do is simply crawl in the lap of Jesus and trust....this is a lesson that I am constantly relearning.....

Because I'll never hold the picture
Of the whole horizon in my view
Because I'll never rip the night in two
It makes me wonder
Who am I, Who am I, Who am I
And great are you

(Downhere, "Great are You")

Lessons learned as a temporary mother

2010-11-20T11:08:00.000-05:00

This week I have been staying with a family of 5 while their parents are out of the country. My responsibilities have included reheating or preparing food, tucking the youngest boys into bed, making sure lunches are packed, homework is completed, entertaining the youngest boys, administering meds, and otherwise maintaining order and mediating. The kids are 7, 11, 13, 17, and 19, so I only really need to keep tabs on the elementary school-age boys.

I watched this family last month, and it was definitely a learning experience! I learned that for missionary families overseas, there is so much that goes into the process of raising their kids. I consider myself to be a flexible person, and don't mind getting slightly lost/misguided as long as I have my atlas and can get back on track. However, when you're with a 7-year old and an 11-year old, you have to plan your path, determining in advance where you will walk and which buses you will take (because they won't want to take the scenic route). On top of all this, my preferred walking pace is at least twice that of a little kid, so I had to slow down. For some families, their kids have special medical needs and require supplies that can either be found only in America or at high prices where they live (or perhaps both).

After the first weekend of watching just 3 of the kids, I was ready to get back to my own house, away from my students and away from any children that would ask me unending questions. Back to a place where I was only responsible for myself.

Now, I am back with this family, and thought I'd share some of my thoughts with the blog-reading world!

When you are a parent, personal space and personal time cease to exist. Each day I rode in the van with the kids, and would try to snatch moments of time when the kids were not asking something or otherwise requiring my attention (i.e., picking on each other, standing when they weren't supposed to, or asking for homework help). In the evenings, after putting the boys to bed, I still stayed up for a while until the other kids went to bed around 10; one of my thoughts was, "Two kids are in bed--but there are still three more that are awake!" Even in the middle of the night, when I am asleep, I don't necessarily have "personal time", as the 7 year old might come in, saying he had a bad dream. At any given moment, something is required of me. Therefore, any purely alone moments I have are precious (especially since I'm an introvert)!! (Does this mean that the space-time continuum ceases to continue?)

Growing up, I lived with a maximum of 4 others in the house--my grandparents, mom, and brother. Right now, there are six of us in this house. In the van, because there were more people than seatbelts (welcome to Ukraine), I often had kids squished next to me, and would choose a window seat for this very reason. Yesterday morning, the 7 year old was using my lap as a place to keep his "I Spy" book open.

Parenthood, in my inexperienced view, makes you less selfish. If not, then something is wrong. Parenthood requires you to be responsible for meeting the basic needs (food, rest, medication, peace, affirmation) of other human beings other than yourself.

Food/Medication: These are obvious enough. Older kids can get their own food from the fridge, but younger kids need you to prepare/reheat it. Some kids need medications, so it's important to administer this on a regular basis.

Affirmation: I've learned--this time through my own experience and not just through educational psychology--that kids need to be positively affirmed. If they are constantly being told, "No, you are not allowed to do this" or "No, not right now" or "No, we're not going there today," they will be less likely to listen to your directions and otherwise respond to you. This, of course, does not mean swinging to the other extreme and being indulgent--letting them do whatever they want when they want and not respecting your authority as an adult/parent. Rather, showing positive attention to kids, allowing them to make a choice between two good options, affirming them when they make a good choice, and interacting with them and not ignoring them, will help them to feel affirmed and loved.

Peace: We all face conflict in our lives, some caused by circumstances and some caused by others. With little kids, this usually includes fights over toys, using computers, and the use of their time (doing things they may or may not want to do). I've done a lot of mediating and collaborating this weekend, mostly between the kids when they argue or when the kids have to do homework.

A lot goes into raising a family, especially when there are five of them and one of them has special medical needs! Parenting--or, faux-parenting for right now--will make me less selfish, a process that I know will begin (in-depth, 24/7) anyway when I am in a marriage relationship. All I know is that I need to be fully dependent on Christ and walking closely with Him if I expect to show a Christlike example to kids.

Proverbs/sayings

2010-11-05T17:01:00.000-04:00

Ukrainian Proverbs
You don't really see the world if you only look through your own window.

To see a friend no road is too long.

Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.

Russian Proverbs
Make peace with man and war with your sins
Go Godward, you will find a road.

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

Things I've Learned Lately

2010-10-08T00:11:00.000-04:00

1. Airborne (or even the generic equivalent) is some pretty potent-tasting stuff. You're supposed to use 8 oz of water to dissolve it, but rather, I just do a third of my glass (just under 200 mL). The less I need to chug, the better. I refuse to dissolve it in soda or juice, because then I will just associate that with the nasty lemon-lime Airborne. Hopefully I'm on the up-and-up, and if not, I've got most of this weekend to recover.

2. After Fall Retreat, as one might expect with 112 people together all weekend, running around, playing games, etc., many people are sick. Add injuries from soccer this week, and about half my geometry class was sick or injured.

3. Pomegranates can be sour. The other day I ate one, and had to have water nearby because the little seeds/fruits were so sour! I gave some to a student, who proceeded to sputter and cough as she left the room for water. "I promise I'm not trying to kill you," I told her. "Yeah, right," she replied between her coughs.

Favorite Summer Books/Movies

2010-07-15T20:08:00.006-04:00

I'll add to this list as I read more books. Here's just a taste...

Leviathan, by Scott Westerfeld. This takes place just after the archduke of Austria was assassinated, but has an element of sci-fi/fantasy, along with fictional/non-historical characters. In this novel, the Germans and Austrians use "Clanker" technology--zeppelins and airplanes and tanks, of course, plus "Walkers". Walkers are huge machines that, well, walk on 2 legs, and can hold about 3-4 people plus some cargo. The British, on the other hand, are "Darwinists", and this doesn't refer to an ideology. Rather, their war machines aren't machines but living creatures. These creatures are fully contained ecosystems. Instead of a zeppelin, they have a huge whale-type creature, with glowworms providing light as needed, bats that emit projectiles, etc.

The storyline follows the archduke's son on the run after his parents were killed, and a British girl posing as a boy in order to take part in the war effort. Eventually, their paths cross in Europe, as the war is beginning to intensify, and .... I'll leave the rest for later. If I didn't know there was a sequel, I'd be mighty dissatisfied with the ending, as it left much unsaid.

Tea with Hezbollah, by Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis. These two guys go to the Middle East and ask America's enemies questions like, "What makes you laugh? What makes you cry?" They also ask these leaders about Jesus, the parable of the Good Samaritan, and Christ's command to "Love your enemies," in a quest to find today's Samaritan (disenfranchised, on the edge of society, perception that they can do nothing right). Highly recommended.

Russian Journal, by Andrea Lee. She and her husband spent a year in Moscow in 1978, and this book tells the stories of the Russians they befriended and their experiences in Soviet Russia. I enjoyed the background of things like the ринок (rynok/farmer's market) and тапочки (tapochki/slippers provided at the door), which very likely is the same for Ukraine today. Some of the stories they told of basic daily life reminded me of aspects of life in Ukraine, though today goods (especially Western ones) aren't as scarce. It was eye-opening to hear more about their experience with the KGB and how the people lived in a constant state of being wary of others, especially for those who wanted to emigrate to the West.

An Intimate Understanding of America's Teenagers: Shaking Hands with Aliens, by Bruce Gevirtzman. The author draws upon decades of experience as a high school speech teacher, offering insight into the lives of his students. At times, he offers explanations from a teen's perspective--obtained simply by asking his students! He provides advice directed at teachers, parents, and teenagers at the end of each chapter.

Other Books:

Peculiar Treasures (Katie Weldon book #1), by Robin Jones Gunn

Island

2010-05-01T18:16:00.000-04:00

The following is a slightly fictionalized and embellished story of one evening (especially since I can't quite remember the details) in fall 2008.

She walked into the college cafeteria, looking for familiar faces, until she remembered that most of her usual dinner companions were away for the weekend. During times like these, she often would find another familiar face or two with whom to share the meal.

She proceeded to fill her plate with the food that was available (which was never quite good on a Saturday night), and filled her cup with water. After picking up some silverware, she found a small table near the soda fountain. She began to eat her dinner in her "island" of solitude.

Then she noticed one of her friends was nearby, in the other room. He appeared to be on the phone, so she quietly ate her meal, watching the other people in the room and thinking about many things. At one point, she went back to the soda fountain, where the hot water and coffee and teas were, and picked out a packet of black tea. Finding a mug, and a packet of sugar, she poured hot water into the mug and steeped the tea bag for a few minutes.

Her friend finished his phone call, and noticed her sitting at the table, so he joined her for conversation. For quite some time, they discussed family situations, their shared faith in God, and other life experiences. Topics like evolution, theology, and current classes were explored, as well as recent movies they'd seen and songs they'd heard.

She enjoyed this conversation, and sipped her tea while they talked. (While she was in Ukraine, she had often shared tea with other pastors, families, and friends, as they built relationships.)

The time came for him to leave the cafeteria (to go where, she wasn't quite sure), and he bid her farewell with, "You have a good evening." She replied with a simple, "Thank you. You too," as he walked away.

As he left, she glanced down at the quote on the tag of her tea bag and pondered its relevance to her dinner conversation. "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main... -John Donne."

She smiled to herself, picked up her dishes, and got up from the table.

Israel sightseeing

2010-05-01T16:15:00.004-04:00

A list encompassing most of the sites I saw while in Israel, with help from Bibleplaces.com to identify names from my photos.

Sunday March 28

Palm Sunday procession down the Mount of Olives

Lions/St. Stephen's Gate

Old City

Damascus Gate

Monday March 29

Old City

Western Wall

First-century street

Trumpeting Stone

Southern Steps (Jerusalem Archaeological Park)--psalms of ascent, Pentecost

Double and triple gates

Mikvehs (ceremonial washing pools)

Jewish Quarter

Medeba map

Cardo (main street)

Church of the Holy Sepulchre (place of crucifixion and Christ's tomb)

Via Dolorosa

Church of the Condemnation

Church of the Flagellation

Ecce Homo Convent and Lithostrothos

Tuesday March 30

Caesarea

aqueduct

Mt Carmel

Nazareth

Basilica of Annunciation

Mount of Precipice "The Leaping Mountain"

Nazareth Church of the Nazarene

Tabgha

Capernaum (synagogue, Peter's house, olive press)

Mt. of Beatitudes

Yardenit (Jordan River)

Wednesday March 31

Mt. of Olives

Garden of Gethsemane

Church of All Nations

Pool of Siloam

Valley of Hinnom (Ge Hinnom--Gehenna)

Valley of Elah (David and Goliath)

Azekah hilltop

Roman Road near Moza

Qumran

Dead Sea

wilderness

Thursday April 1

Old City with Rajaee :)

Damascus Gate

English class with Karen :)

Friday April 2

Bethlehem

Church of the Nativity

Manger Square

Palestine-Israel border wall

Via Dolorosa

Jerusalem Church of the Nazarene :)

Church of the Holy Sepulchre

Saturday April 3

Sea Level

Masada

Dead Sea

Church of the Holy Sepulchre (Ethiopian Orthodox Holy Fire service)

Sunday April 4

Garden Tomb

Jerusalem Prayer Center

Old City

Jaffa Gate

Countdowns (just for fun)

2010-04-27T04:51:00.004-04:00

As of today, April 27....

3 days until our Parent-Teacher Fellowship ice cream social :)

17 more days until my dad and stepmom come visit me in Ukraine

27 more days of school (that's counting exams and review days--21 more days of regular lessons)

47 days (and a wake-up) until I leave for the United States

[63 days spent in the US]

80 days until my birthday

112 days until I depart the US for Kyiv again

Bookshelf

2010-04-18T15:33:00.015-04:00

*books I want to read*

From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya: A Biographical History of Christian Missions
Religions of the World

The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov

Salvation on the Small Screen: 24 Hours of Christian TV, Nadia Bolz-Weber
Myspace to Sacred Space: God for a New Generation, Piatt
The Coffeehouse Gospel: Sharing Your Faith in Everyday Conversation, Matthew Paul Turner
The Princess Bride (unabridged edition)
Looking Backward from 2000 to 1887, Edward Bellamy
My Darling Elia by Eugenie Melnyk
Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
No More Throwaway People
Checklist for Life

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
Relational Holiness, Oord/Lodahl
A Biblical Case for an Old Earth
What is a Nazarene?: Understanding Our Place in the Religious Community, Tracy Ingersol
A Perfect Life, by Bo Cassell (modern version of Wesley's A Plain Account of Christian Perfection)The Music of His Promises, Elisabeth Elliot
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

Paperdoll (Natalie Lloyd)

Third Culture Kids

Celebration of Discipline

Movies I want to Watch (#=$2.99 to rent on iTunes)

Amelia (about Amelia Earhart)

#Letters to Juliet
Miral

Movies Not Yet Released
Winnie the Pooh
Battleship Potemkin
Jane Eyre (Aug 16)

When Harry Tries to Marry (Aug 1)
Soul Surfer (Aug 2)
The Vow
Sarah's Key

Thanks to Cheap Ways to..., I have discovered the website called Paperback Swap. It is a book exchange network, where you earn credits by mailing your own books to others. I'm not sure if I have at least 10 I'm willing to part with, so this may have to wait till I am home and can do an inventory of all my books. You can also swap CD's and DVD's for additional credits.

Zero

2010-04-08T13:41:00.007-04:00

For spring break this year, I had the awesome opportunity/privilege to travel to Jerusalem and Israel/Palestine and stay with some missionary friends there. I had envisioned the trip as simply tourism and learning more about Biblical geography/history, but there were so many more dimensions. The conflict between Palestine/Israel has more nuances than I'd realized, I met some neighbors and English language learners, and also had conversations about life and ministry.

The night before Resurrection Sunday, as my new (and old) friends and I traveled back from the Dead Sea and Masada, we listened to the worship song "Breathe."

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm lost without you

As we sang along, I was reminded of something our tour guide Yoni had said a few days earlier. We were in the same passageway from Jerusalem down to the Dead Sea area, and had climbed a small hill so that Yoni could point out Jericho and also the barrenness of the land.

Now, this is not representative of the entire land of Israel, because in the north, at least near Galilee, the land is more verdant. However, this is probably what the Israelites would've seen as they approached the Promised Land, after the Exodus and years of wandering in the desert.

Yoni asked us to consider "What makes the 'Promised Land' so promising?" Looking at this landscape, there is really nothing appealing. If you didn't have sufficient water, you'd die in a matter of days.

Yoni then pointed out the saying/quote (can't find the source), "Without God [we] are nothing." The word for "nothing" in Hebrew is the same as the word for "zero"--"Without God we are zero." Zero is simply a placeholder, is neither positive nor negative, and describes an amount of null size. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Without God's provision, presence, and faithfulness, our lives have no value. We are lost without God, wandering in the wilderness seeking a word from Him. We are desperate for God's presence, in order to breathe Him in and let Him permeate every part of our lives.

How often do I try to live life on my own, as though I could make it through every day without God's guiding hand? How often do I assume that I have it within myself to teach and minister to my students, with no help from God? How often do I chase after MY dreams and not God's?

The truth is: far too often. I need to remember that I am solely dependent on God's provision for His words and His presence. The "Promised Land" is promising because God restores what once was broken: relationships (primarily the relationship between God and humanity), hearts, and lives. I cannot bring about restoration by my own strength, but only through Christ. I cannot live without daily bread from God. I cannot exist from day to day without Christ. I cannot dream dreams without God's big ideas being placed in my mind.

Reminder: Without God I am nothing.

World Languages--Just for Fun

2010-04-04T21:19:00.013-04:00

Last week, most likely during a bout of procrastination, I decided to list all the words/phrases I know in other languages. (There is no way I can list all the words I know in Spanish and Russian, and of course I am a native English speaker.)

Spanish: intermediate skills

[On various tests, I've scored at Intermediate 1, Low Intermediate, C1--Advanced (this test was only 15 questions)]

Russian: beginner skills

[Scored "pre-intermediate" on a 60 question test, July 2010]

French: 1 semester in high school--this is ranked lower than Russian because I cannot conjugate basic past and future tenses in French (people here speak to me in French sometimes...it's strange...)

Ukrainian: Besides knowing how to say yes, no, what, and kung-fu, I can't speak other phrases, but if I had text, I could probably guess at some of the words.

German: good day, good morning, please, no, hail, goose, I, thank you, goodbye (I could probably understand some if it was spoken to me)

Hebrew: shalom, Shabbat, good morning, Shma ("hear, O Israel...")

Arabic: thank you (shukran), God willing (En sh'allah), come on (yallah)

Polish: lip, thank you

Mandarin Chinese: hello (ni hao), I love you (wo ai ni)

Cantonese Chinese: gorilla (sing sing)

Dutch: airport (luchthaven)

Albanian: goodbye (mirupafshim)

Spring brings hope...

2010-03-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

Inspired by the soon arrival of spring here in Ukraine...

(c) 2010 by me.

Winter
Cloudy, sunless skies
Short days
Long nights
Bitter air, frigid winds
Cold noses and toes
Slippery walks
Cars buried in snow
Trudging along by foot
Icicles falling from rooftops
Gray, brown, dreary shades

Where is the hope?
Must I suffer day after day?
Miserable cold
Held captive indoors
What promises remain?
Seeking, seeking, seeking
To little avail
How long will this last?

Spring
Sunny mornings
Melting ice
Glimpses of the sidewalk
Appearances of green
Warmer days
Pink and white tulips
More daylight
Dripping, draining puddles
Cheerful moods
Warm weather is coming

Here comes hope
Waiting unseen for months
When all seemed lost
Could this really be possible?
Freedom to explore
Bask in the sunlight
Winter seems so long ago
Beauty emerges from ice and dirt
Appearing slowly like a crocus

Hope arrives
Bringing freedom, beauty, new life
Promises come true
Rescue of what once was lost
Restoration of what was distorted
Redemption of the broken
Creating distance between what once was
And what will be no more
A new day is dawning
Promises are kept
Of faithfulness and peace--
The greatest assurance is love.

Little steps, big steps? (from Ukraine blog)

2009-11-17T15:52:00.001-05:00

Like so many other recent college grads, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life (or rather, the life God's given me) and where to go.

The following is an excerpt from a Relevant magazine article.

Litton believes that what sets Christian radicals apart from the world is the commitment to take the teachings of Jesus seriously and to be known by humility and love. “I know a lot of people focus on the big steps—should I leave my job, should I move to Africa, what can I do? And we should be open to those things, but they can become a distraction because, really, what God is calling us to every day is to radically obey Him,” he says. “Radical followers of Christ, their chief characteristic will be love.”

Radical obedience to Christ. That is my calling. My primary calling. No matter where in the world I am. Even if it's difficult for me. Even if I have to sacrifice something of great value. Even when it won't please other people.

What am I to obey? Those "little" commands, that seem the most basic but yet are the most complex. Those "little" commands, that keep at the back of my mind. Those "little" commands that will show our faithfulness in small matters.

Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and love your neighbor as well as you do yourself (MSG).

Do I truly throw that much--ALL--of myself into loving God all the time?

Am I seeking ONLY to please God--and not other people?

Have I given ALL of me--my past, present, and future--to the unchanging and unfailing God who can use the broken me for His sacred purposes?

More Quizzing Quotes

2009-11-07T23:18:00.001-05:00

Quotes mostly unattributed; please claim your words.

2008-2009
"What's the capital of Boston?"

"No, I'm going to sit and watch you squirm"

Q: "Whose name was Mary?"
correct answer: The virgin
Cindi: Mary!

"Who is the new host of the Drew Carey?"

Matt, about Jen: "She spoke whale!!!" (yawning while reading the question)
Matt, also about Jen: "ooo, look at me, I'm trying to be French!"
Someone's answer to a question: "The baby. John. John the baby."

Years past:
me, probably: "Somebody's not suffering from osteoporosis tonight!"
Becky: "Pluto is my favorite planet in the whole world!"
Shea: "That came out of left field and landed in the end zone."
Lucas about the name Dorcas: "That's such a terrible name! She probably got made fun of in middle school!"
Anne L (who was about 6 at the time): "You won't get to eat dinner or go to sleep if you don't get up!"

"I saw it out of the corner of my mouth."

Jen: "I get distracted when I can't focus."

Anne L wanted to be a mom, an actress, or to teach little kids in school when she grew up.

Sacred Space, 4/21

2009-10-21T17:50:00.000-04:00

"What is present to me is what has a hold on my becoming. I reflect on the presence of God always there in love, amidst the many things that have a hold on me. I pause and pray that I may let God affect my becoming in this precise moment."

My happiness does not come by filling my life with other things. They are all meaningless compared to my identity found in Christ.

Following God is not always just about following Him to a particular geographical location, but about becoming who He wants you to be. The best child of God.

Let God's presence shape me. Not my friends, not my music or books, not my roles in various groups, but God alone. I need to make time for God to allow Him to shape me and be more of an influence in my life than other things/people.

spiritual gifts

2009-07-24T22:08:00.000-04:00

Originally posted in 2006, here are some updates...

Within the past "three" years (06, 05, 04), I've taken spiritual gifts survey things....We took one on Sunday and I thought I would dig out my others. Of course, this is just three years in a row, so I'm not sure they're going to show any major switches.

July 2004:
1. Hospitality, Missionary
2. Helps, Service, Knowledge

August 2005:
1. Missionary
2. Helps
3. Service

June 2006: (different test)
1. Encouragement, Service
2. Knowledge
3. Helps

Hmm so the constants have been:
3 out of 3: Helps, Service
2 of 3: Knowledge, Missionary
1 of 3: Encouragement, Hospitality

Nothing about teaching on there whatsoever. Then again, I think it's about teaching the Bible, not other stuff.

In 2009:

1. Helps

2. Pastor/Shepherd

3. Knowledge

4. Apostleship

Birthday update

2009-07-16T21:50:00.005-04:00

So, today is my 22nd birthday! This is the first birthday since 19 that I've been in Maryland for some part of the time...for #20, I was in El Paso, and for #21, I was in Ukraine (I've celebrated #17 and #18 in Pennsylvania--the rest were at home in MD).

The past couple days I was with my mom and brother in Troy, NY for his college orientation. I mostly wandered around the campus (and downtown a bit), scoping it out and taking photos. I went to a few of the parent/family sessions, but I've already heard similar spiels from my own college search. It's a great school for engineering/science-type majors, and Adam's going to be studying aeronautical/mechanical engineering. We also met his roommate (for all of about 5 minutes) and got to see the room where he'll live this year. Sadly, I won't be back up to NY for move-in, as I will already be in Ukraine.

The highlights of my birthday were: getting a Snuggie from Adam--yes, one of those blankets with sleeves, advertised on infomercials (he insists that I have to take it to Ukraine)--getting free ice cream at the Carvel shop on the NY State Thruway, eating Chili's (yum yum), and talking to friends. :)

Last month I took the Math Content Knowledge and Math Pedagogy PRAXIS II exams for MD state teacher certification, and I got my results this week -- by MD standards, I passed both of them!!!!

Therefore, at this point in time, I can now apply for certification to teach secondary math in the following states: Colorado, Delaware, Maryland, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Vermont (among others). Other states require additional PRAXIS tests, or have specific requirements (but I may be able to use what I have to get credentials in their state). However, I'm going to wait till I return from Ukraine (whenever that may be), and until I figure out where I will live.

A month from today I will be arriving in Kiev, Ukraine. I still need to pack, and buy some stuff, and do some more preparation for teaching. I also have 3 weeks remaining of working--babysitting a 9 year old girl. That leaves me time in the evenings to run errands and otherwise prepare. For more specific updates on my Ukraine preparation, visit ukrainejh.blogspot.com

I think that's about all for now...I should tidy my room some and prepare for traveling this weekend. On Saturday I am going sailing with my dad and stepmom, and in the evening I'm going to a wedding. After that, I'm speaking at a church, then returning to my dad's house. Whew.

Another ethical justification for not drinking alcohol?

2009-07-16T09:32:00.003-04:00

I have a theory that possibly could be used as an ethical justification for not drinking alcohol. But first, some background.

In Living Issues, we learned the approximate amounts of grain it takes to feed certain animals for human consumption. In order to obtain one pound of beef, it takes 15 pounds of feed. For one pound of pork meat, it takes 6 pounds of grain. It takes 5 pounds of feed in order to reap one poind of chicken.

(since I don't have my notebook with me, I found the numbers here)

As you can see, this is not an efficient system, as the energy that is taken from the food is used for more than just muscle development and “beefing up” (so to speak) for the market. If those pounds of grain were redistributed to those in need, rather than used for feeding cattle, a lot fewer people would go hungry and/or die of starvation each and every day. By not eating meat, vegetarians are withdrawing their involvement in this system, even if they may not make a difference as a single individual. (If I were to become a vegetarian, this would be one of my reasons.)

Now, as I understand it, wine is made from fermented grapes, and beer is made from fermented grain (not sure what kind). Could the same reasoning as above be used to decrease the consumption of alcohol? The grain that is being left to ferment could certainly be made into bread for the hungry!

There are probably holes in my theory, two being that many churches use wine for Communion, and that if the grain is going to ferment, it might as well be used for beer. True. However, when so many experience the adverse effects of alcoholism, when so many could use that grain to fill their bellies rather than get a beer belly, why is drinking beer/wine/alcohol for pleasure seen as an option? (Besides that, alcoholic drinks are so expensive—at least what I’ve seen!)

So, go for some Fair Trade coffee or tea or hot chocolate or a smoothie at your local coffeeshop, rather than a drink out on the town, and help break cycles of addiction, poverty, and destruction.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

love and light.

2009-07-02T03:07:00.009-04:00

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. (1 John)

God loves us so much. And what's more, that means we should be proclaiming this love from the rooftops, to anyone and everyone, to know how amazing this love is. Even when we mess up. Even when we have doubts. Even to the loveless. Even when the world lets us down, God's love will never fail us.

THAT is truly amazing, truly good news to be shared.

[img from joshboston.com]

General Assembly 2009

2009-06-24T23:41:00.003-04:00

So here I am in Orlando, after the first full day of the General Assembly and Conventions of the Church of the Nazarene.

SO GREAT. and also so tiring.

I've seen a number of my friends that I haven't seen in a while and won't see again for a while....to name a few, Fabiola S. from Mexico, friends from ENC (okay, so it's been a month and a half), and missionaries serving all over the world. Also, I've seen people that I've vaguely met before (or even met multiple times like Susie).

I've met so many great people. "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet." So true here, especially considering that I try and make connections between people I know.

It's so cool meeting people from all around the world, and I'm really thankful that I speak Spanish, because it opens more doors and allows me to talk to more people. Two people from Korea taught me how to say hello. While I was watching a tae kwon do group from Korea, I turned to someone from MAC region to ask (in Spanish) where they were from. Turned out they were from Monterey and knew Fabiola. :) The man to my right asked me where I learned Spanish and said I should come study abroad at their place in Ecuador -- too bad I already graduated from college.

Anyway, I'm tired from walking around most of the day and talking to people. Tomorrow I'm meeting up with the missionaries from Ukraine to go over stuff, I guess, since they won't be there when I get there in August.

on being a grown-up

2009-06-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

It's been one month since I graduated from college (and one month until I turn 22).

In some ways I feel like an adult (a "real" one) and in some ways I don't. Sometimes, when I was subbing, I felt professional and other times I felt like the students had pulled one over on me (and I didn't want to appear to the administration that I couldn't handle the students). Depending on who I'm around, I can feel like just a big kid or like an adult. You know, when you're in college, everyone treats you as an adult and gives you responsibilities and you are pretty much on your own for figuring out your day-to-day life. Then, when you come home, you've got a different routine and someone else is trying to make plans for you, or to dictate what needs to be done.

I've not been telling as many stories from my college days--it's almost like I've tucked away those memories in a box in the closet for a later date. But I guess I've got no one that will really appreciate them. Also, I'm not finding too many interesting stories any more--I miss random mealtime or eveningtime conversations with my friends.

On Saturday morning I took my PRAXIS II tests for getting my MD State Teaching Certification in math--math pedagogy and math content knowledge. I think I did slightly better than I was expecting in the pedagogy one (3 essays, 1 hour), but possibly a little worse in the content knowledge (50 multiple choice questions, 2 hours). You never know, though--I guessed on a LOT of my math comps and still passed those. I think/hope I passed my PRAXIS II tests so I don't have to pay more money and do them again--if there is a next time, I'll use actual study books rather than just the free PDF.

This past weekend I traveled to a church in PA to share about my trip(s) to Ukraine. I had a WONDERFUL time and stayed with some really WONDERFUL people (Ken, Diane, Scott, and Maggie). I always enjoy the ride on I-70 West, looking at the mountains, and once I got off the interstate, I was driving on hilly Pennsylvania roads. When I passed the road that I needed to eventually take, I decided to skip the next 3-4 steps that Google gave me and get directly onto the road (thinking it was a shorter way). Turned out I was on "roller coaster road", and that is definitely what it felt like. I went up or down, left or right, and sometimes both at the same time! I never knew which way the road was going to go as soon as I got to the top of a hill.

When I got to the house, I saw there were a bunch of cute little Jack Russell puppies!!! Scott and I sat and played with them for a while--they loved to lick and nibble at my toes and flipflops and fingers. One even fell asleep on my ankle. :)

I mostly sat and talked with Ken and Diane (and at one point, her parents) during and after dinner. Somewhere about 9 pm we decided to get ice cream and check out the showing of "Meet Me in St. Louis" on the courthouse lawn. Around 10:30pm, the movie still wasn't over (we got there after it had started), and Diane asked me, "Are you ready to go?" Sensing that she and Ken were ready, I replied with, "Are YOU ready to go?" :) Sure enough, they were done with sitting at a picnic table watching a movie that was longer than we thought, and I was fine with leaving.

The next morning, I met Maggie, who also had taken PRAXIS II testing for elementary school teaching. (Tiffany, who was a volunteer in Ukraine last year, also took hers this past weekend. Even though I'm no longer with my fellow ENC education majors, I can still find common ground with other present/future teachers!) That afternoon, before we left for the church picnic, she gave me a couple bags of clothes that she no longer needed/wanted--I've kept maybe 2/3 of them! A lot of it I can use for teaching--because it looks nice, and does not consist primarily of t-shirts, like my current wardrobe. :)

Books Currently Reading
Churched, by Matthew Paul Turner
What's Math Got to Do With It? Helping children learn to love their least favorite subject and why it's important for America, by Jo Boaler

Today I also picked up the movie "Speak" from the library; I remember reading the book by Laurie Halse Anderson when I was in middle/high school. It caught my attention because it had Kristen Stewart of Twilight-mania on the cover, and she looked every bit as bland and emotionless as she did in Twilight. (Honestly, I was glad to see Jacob come on the scene at the end of the movie, because he actually looked remotely PLEASANT!)

Strengths Finder and Sorting

2009-06-12T21:43:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went out to the shed to organize my plastic totes brought home from college. They are now divided into the following categories:
~sell, donate, or otherwise get rid of
~does NOT go to Ukraine
~requires further attention (paperwork and notebooks and such)
~goes to Ukraine (but will probably be sifted through again)
~"bed, bath, and beyond" (things that I may or may not need for Ukraine, and that I do not need while I am living at home--dishes, bedding, etc.)

On the floor in my room I have another container of things that I may need in Ukraine, and a smaller box of teaching-type stuff. There will be LOTS of sorting this summer! :)

*~*

While I was in the shed, I found my StrengthsFinder book and thought I'd post my top 5 strengths, as of last fall. They are as follows: Connectedness*, Input*, Intellection, Analytical*, Developer.

Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
[I am forever figuring out how I might possibly know people, or what mutual friends we have or others have.]

Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
[Freshman year, Marie told me this was me in a nutshell. I'm definitely a packrat, and I remember lots of random details. I like to observe and take in info or scenery. Of course, I have to fight being a packrat when it comes to packing lightly for overseas travel!]

Intellection
People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

Analytical
People strong in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.

Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
[I think this one developed (ha ha) over the past couple years as a result of being involved in quizzing and working with students.]

*I took the Strengthsfinder 3 years ago, and these are a few of my continued results. The other strengths at that time were Harmony and Consistency.

Students Say the Darndest Things...

2009-06-11T16:45:00.004-04:00

In the past couple weeks, I've been subbing at local middle schools and my high schools. The students have said some pretty entertaining stuff, and though I won't remember them all, here are some quotes for your enjoyment.
____________
Me: Have you done your illustration for the story?
7th grade boy (points to a blank sheet of paper): Yeah, it's right here. Oh, man! I forgot! I shouldn't have used invisible ink! Now I'm going to have to start all over!
____________
7th grade boy, excited about speaking in Spanish to me: Score ONE for the home team! (which might be my new saying. Isn't that sad--picking up sayings from middle schoolers?)
____________
Some girls had this spray candy (think breath freshener, but sour), and offered it to this guy to try.
Guy (coughs): It's not too bad!
Me: Yeah, after the first cough.
____________
After completing all her assignments for the day, this girl asked what else there was to do--I told her there were no more assignments, but she could find something to do while sitting quietly at her desk. "Do you mind if I sit there and sew?" Sew?! Go for it!
____________

Escapades of the Day

2009-06-10T20:30:00.002-04:00

Today I wanted to run a bunch of errands that culminated in a summer job interview. Here's how my day went:

Stop 1: David's Bridal in Glen Burnie
Purpose: Determine my dress size for Jen's wedding.
Mission accomplished, after deciding Google's directions could have been a *little* better.

Then, I successfully navigated Glen Burnie to find an alternate route toward Annapolis! I was quite proud of myself.

Stop 2: bank and Kohl's
Purpose: Buy sunglasses and other stuff.
Found sunglasses, a nice sweater (that I'm NOT wearing this summer, don't worry), and some headbands (free!)

Stop 3: Library
Purpose: Kill time
Mission accomplished. My dad used to take my brother and I here all the time when we spent weekends with him -- we looked at the books for sale, played on the computers (there were enough for both of us to be online at the same time), and of course got books. I hadn't been there in years (at least 4), so it brought back lots of memories.
I was hoping to find some of the books on my reading list, but wasn't very successful--I plan on reserving a bunch of them so I can read them later.
However, I did manage to find some Pimsleur Russian Language audio disks, plus some Eastern Europe travel guides. :)

Stop 4: Barnes and Noble
Purpose: Buy a couple books and a planner for this summer/next year, and kill time
Killing time worked well especially since Google's directions were vague about which direction to go on route 2 -- I think I got into Edgewater, and I knew when I went over the South River bridge that I'd gone the wrong way. Oops. I guess I don't know Anne Arundel County as well as I think.
Books I wanted to buy: Paperdoll by Natalie Lloyd, and What's Math Got to Do With It? by Jo Boaler.
Books BN didn't have: Paperdoll (not even in any of the nearby BN's, how disappointing!) and What's Math Got to Do With It?

Stop 5: Job interview!
I now have a summer job, babysitting a 9 year old girl for about 5 weeks out of the summer. It's right around the corner from my dad's, and though I would like to ride my bike there occasionally, I don't really want to deal with traffic on the main road. Hopefully my bike can fit in my trunk, and Grace's too, because then we can ride bikes (maybe on the B&A trail?).
I'm hoping to find something else to do for the weeks that she'll be at camp, and that I'll be available. Actually, those weeks should probably be spent preparing for teaching in Ukraine--figuring out what supplies I'll need and preparing some lesson ideas.

"The Beauty of the Cross" (from boundless.org)

2009-06-09T23:47:00.001-04:00

Instinctively, I view myself the opposite way. "God really got a great thing when He saved me." Or more subtly, "The Lord has graced me with some special gifts and talents that have really benefited the Kingdom."

What a conceit.

I lie in a desert, naked and sick, blind and crippled, powerless to rise and better my situation. I cling to the cactus of this world, convinced there is no superior way. I don't find love. No, Love travels, searches and calls to me. And when He finds me, I catch my first glimpse of beauty, grace and hope. I see Jesus.

Enraptured by His magnificence, yet caught in the sewer-pipe ideology of my world, I reason that I must give something to purchase my freedom. Such liberty at no cost would be too good to be true. But I have nothing to offer. "Don't aggravate my misery by dangling unattainable peace before my eyes!"

But that's just it. Jesus loves me not for what I offer. Not for the new program I can create to feed millions. Nor for the prettiest voice in the college chorale. Jesus loves me because it's His nature. He loves me simply because I am.

That's the beauty of the cross.

"We must abide in Christ to experience the successful Christian life. When we lean on our own intellect and abilities, we navigate impassable waters. Only when we acknowledge we're finite, fallen and unable to accomplish even the simplest task apart from God and His grace will we be ready to experience the fullness of joy available in this life."

scatterbrained post.

2009-06-07T23:44:00.002-04:00

First off, let me say that I have been reading in John every day and staying on track. (Knowing that there are people out there that I've "told", holds me accountable.) Unfortunately, I'm reading it right before I go to sleep, just as I crawl in bed, so tomorrow I need to read sometime in the afternoon. Otherwise, I'm not soaking God's word in like I should.

Below is a really cute/sweet video, as one of my ENC friends posted on her Facebook. She also wrote a poem inspired by the video. It's my hope that through the rest of this summer and especially during my time in Ukraine that I don't retreat into just corresponding with friends via the Internet and/or Facebook surfing, but keep a healthy balance between friends that are in real life (phone or in person, which will be tough with my traveling) and those that I can now only communicate with via Facebook/email.

On Thursday night, my brother Adam graduated from high school! Yeah! I was sad that the teachers took away bubbles and beach balls that the graduates had with them-- they took away their fun! (We had them at our ENC graduation, and no one took them away. Then again, high school is different from college.) I saw at least 4-5 people that graduated with me from the very same high school 4 years ago, and it was weird to think that those students were US 4 years ago! Most of us have graduated from college, or will soon, and then next year we'll have our 5 year reunion. Crazy.

Last week I subbed at my high school for 4 of the 5 days, and I've gotten more comfortable with the high schoolers -- granted, it helps that it's my alma mater, and my brother would know of some of the students I had. The vice principal, my former history teacher, saw me walking down the hall and say, "Hey, Hagels! How's it going?" I realized that that was strange not just because he had never called me anything like that before, and it was in the school setting, but because that was the first time since graduation that someone has called me by a name other than Jessica, Jess, or Ms. H. Gone are the days when I would hear at least one variation of my name in a day -- Haagen-sausage, Hagels, Caboose (ok, not a variation, but a nickname), Haagen-Daag!, etc.

Today I spoke at my home church, then at Angel's. We played "dress-up", wearing our academic regalia at the same time and posing for photos outside. :) There's a mighty good one of me pretending that my diploma was going to eat hers. On the way back, I got to talk to Jen on the phone, my twin. :) Yay for 2 best friends in one day!

Day 2: John chapter 2

2009-06-02T20:58:00.005-04:00

When it comes to reading the Bible, especially if I'm reading it on the computer screen, I'm really bad at staying focused. My mind or my eyes jump around to just about everything else*except* what I'm trying to read, or I just gloss over the reading and don't really soak it in.

This is definitely a discipline in making sure that I only fall into bed each night if I have read some of God's word -- so often, my pillow looks VERY tempting, especially after a day of substitute teaching for students who are ready to be done with school!

2:1-10 (Jesus Changes Water to Wine)
Mary wanted to see her son perform a miracle--maybe it's a mom thing (not that I would know). "Come on, Jesus, do a miracle! Show everyone that you're the Christ!" Jesus didn't want to, or at least, He said His time had not yet come. Yet his (proud) momma trapped him into getting involved.

Even then Jesus didn't just make more wine appear with a snap of his fingers, or with a single word, as easy as that could be. He involved the servants by issuing a couple commands that were probably things they had done at other times--filling the jars with water, and taking (what would usually be) water to the master. That reminds me of the passage where Peter and the others were fishing all night long, catching nothing, but then Jesus told them, "Cast down your nets on the other side of the boat." An ordinary task, one they might have already tried.

Hmm...also, these water jars were used for ceremonial washing, which means they were probably not used for drinking, and probably came into contact with unclean people or items. (I'm not sure, though.) An ordinary jar, used in every day life.

Both of these "ordinary" instances led to extraordinary works/uses by God, resulting in a great catch or the best wine. Isn't it great how God uses the not-so-great for His purposes, even when we wonder how God could use us, what expertise we have, etc.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians)

2:13-16 (Jesus clears the Temple)
Jesus cleared out those who were trying to earn money from God's commands, and not simply enjoy His presence. This is the contrast between *doing* and *being*--when you're in someone's house, you usually focus on just being with them, or if you're helping them, it's so that you can spend more time with them.

I know that sometimes I have gotten caught up in trying to DO ministry, to oversee it or to try and be doing something at any given moment, rather than just spending time with the people that are within that ministry and to focus on building relationships. Or, I focus on the act of reading God's word and not on drawing closer to Him.

Day 1 of reading through the gospel of John

2009-06-02T19:08:00.002-04:00

Last night I began my plan to read through the Gospel of John during the month of June (I'll finish on the 21st, but that's okay). I've already started reading it, but I decided to take it a little more slowly and focus on a chapter a day, and then I'll just read other books of the Bible as well (using the May section of Read Thru the Bible).

Here are my thoughts from reading last night, in the NIV.

1:4 "In him was life, and that life was the light of men."

Christ is the light in our darkness. The life that He brings makes everything more visible in our lives...clearer, more definitive, etc. He makes us more like Him, more like who He has called us to be.

1:12-13 "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God."

I am a child of God, adopted into God's family, just like any other person. All other Christians are my brothers and sisters, and none of us are superior to the rest in light of our pasts or presents or futures. I'm part of God's family, a community, that will shape me and support me.

1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Christ came to LIVE among US. To live, to move into the neighborhood (I think that's the Message wording), not to simply drop by for a visit and then leave again. He lived among US, messed-up people that we are, showing His glory but also His grace and mercy and truth to point us to a relationship with God.

1:31 "I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel." (John the Baptist speaking)

John knew that the Messiah was coming, but he did not know the details, but still prepared the way for the Lord. The ministry was not his own, but served as a signpost for a greater ministry, Christ's. So often we want details of WHY God wants us to do a particular task, or why not, HOW God will use it to bring glory to His name, etc. I know I'd LOVE to know those details, perhaps have them written on a neon sign that would fall into my lap. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen, at least in that way. Quite simply, we are called to follow Christ, to be in relationship with Him, to point others to Christ.

There's Day 1.

Ideas to keep in mind as I read:
What does this tell me about God's nature?
How does God view humanity?

Reading List...10 summers ago...

2009-05-25T20:52:00.003-04:00

Tonight I was cleaning up some stuff in the attic from when I was a kid -- I am constantly going through my old toys, books, and schoolwork and getting rid of stuff, though it's a never ending task -- and I found this. I made a sort of scrapbook page consisting of library receipts, and also had a list of books from my 6th grade reading teacher.

Here are some of the books I read during the summer of 1999, or had read by that point:

Ella Enchanted
The Ballad of Lucy Whipple
Walk Two Moons (Sharon Creech)
Julie of the Wolves
The Talking Earth
The Westing Game
Figgs and Phantoms
Soup's Goat
Lyddie
A Wrinkle in Time
Achingly Alice
Wringer
2095
Knights of the Kitchen Table
Holes
Park's Quest
Half Magic
Bunnicula
Abel's Island
The Master Puppeteer
My Side of the Mountain
The Village by the Sea
Nothing But the Truth
Thames Doesn't Rhyme with James
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Charlotte's Web
Island of the Blue Dolphins
Seventeen Against the Dealer
Homecoming (Voigt)
The Phantom Tollbooth
Watsons Go to Birmingham
Little Women
True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
Hatchet (Gary Paulsen)
Ice (Phyllis Naylor)
Caddie Woodlawn
Harriet the Spy

Also, in 1996 at age 8 1/2, I wrote the following book report, probably for my Caravan group. In my current opinion, it is the lamest book report ever.

"Esther of the Andes was about Esther Carson Winans who lived in Florida and was born there September 14, 1891. Her mother's name was Anna and her father's was Frank.
"Esther was afraid of nothing. She was a missionary in Peru and married Roger Winans. She liked the mountains very, very much. She died on November 6, 1928."

What were some of your favorite books as a kid? Did you ever do summer reading -- but for fun -- perhaps at the public library?

Bible study, anyone?

2009-05-24T23:41:00.005-04:00

Soooo, I've been thinkin'....

This summer, on just about every Sunday morning and evening, I'll be speaking at a different church around the area in order to raise support for this coming year of teaching in Ukraine. Hence, I won't ever really be able to go to my home church's Sunday School group, even if I wasn't living at my dad's once the school year finished (that is of course pending employment near there). Plus, I won't be hearing sermons, as I will be sharing about Ukraine -- I am hesitant to use the term "preaching", but I suppose that IS what I'm doing. While I'm at my dad's, I want to get involved in GracePointe Community's (aka Marley Park's) young adult group that meets on Tuesday nights. If I'm lucky, I may have a Sunday or two off that I could go to their Spanish service or contemporary worship service.

I want to make sure I'm spiritually fed through the summer, and not just from listening to the remaining chapel messages from ENC and other schools that are on my iPod. So much of my time is or will be spent on the computer or reading "fun books" (not textbooks anymore, hallelujah!) that I need to have God's voice not drowned out by other media.

Here's my idea--let me know if you're up for it.

I want to read through the gospel of John through the month of June. My overly-ambitious idea was to read the entire thing each day, but my more realistic goal is to read it each week. That's right, to read the entire book (21 chapters) each week, averaging about 3 chapters a day. This way I can get the Word into my head and life even more (at least, the book of John, anyway).

Actually, I'm really not sure how that first idea lends itself easily to any sort of accountability group or discussion, so maybe we need a plan B. Perhaps a modified version of reading through John -- a chapter a day for within the small group? Where we just read it and then leave comments on a blog or a Facebook note? We could also pick some Christian book to read and discuss--I've got a few listed on here that I'm interested in reading.

Let me know if you're interested, by next Sunday, because I want to start this on June 1, and hopefully continue for the rest of the summer before I leave for Ukraine.

Lovely Paintings....

2009-05-24T20:10:00.008-04:00

Tonight I was surfing around on the net and decided that I would post some of my favorite paintings... :)

Dance at Bougival, by Renoir

Anybody know this one? It was hanging at the house where I babysat.

Rainy Day in Venice, by John Rabbetts (Even though there aren't many different colors in this, my eyes are just drawn to the umbrella!)

Guernica, by Picasso. (This is not a lovely painting, I know.)
We learned in Spanish class that this depicts the bombing of a city in Spain, and the painting (helped by Picasso's cubist(?) style) gives you that sense of chaos, disorientation, and disorder that the people experienced.

Las Meninas, by Diego Velazquez. The artist is painting a portrait of the king and queen, who you can see in the mirror in the background. Pretty cool, huh?

The Return of the Prodigal Son, by Rembrandt

Cafe Terrace, by Van Gogh

Hmm, looks like there's a trend in that I seem to like cheerful-looking paintings with bright colors, and mostly those within the Impressionist style. (I need to take another art course--NOT Arts and Music, but a course that will help me match painting styles with the right names!)

Graduation is upon me...

2009-05-14T23:33:00.003-04:00

So here I sit, less than 2 days before graduation from college. Holy cow.

I told one of my friends that I didn't like being in this limbo state of being done but not moved out. Plus I am doing a lot of moving this summer, living for a month at my mom's house then 2 months at my dad's before moving to Ukraine on Aug 15. That means a lot of packing and unpacking and packing and living out of a suitcase. I've got a lot of cleaning to do once I get home, by getting rid of things I really don't need or use any more.

I can't believe that in a few short days I won't be with my friends on a regular basis.

Issue #1: I'll miss going to dinner right at 5pm and sitting with my friends, and seeing others, including people within the ENC community that aren't necessarily students (like my quizzers and friends from Wolly). I already miss chapel and the opportunity to see everyone, like faculty and staff. It'll definitely be an adjustment to fit back into my "home" culture.

Issue #2: ENC has become home, and has been home these past couple years. At least, one of my homes (El Paso, Maryland, etc.). So this summer, I'm going home, wherever that is.

This past week has been a great time of concentrated social life...for instance, hiking on Tuesday with the senior class, the mascot-announcement ice cream social, a picnic on Wednesday with friends, movie on Wed. night with Education seniors, etc.

I'm going to miss having the beach nearby. Angel and I walked up there this evening, and just stood on the pier thing, looking out at the water and Boston. I'll miss the semi-quiet atmosphere, and the view of the city, and just riding in the car on Quincy Shore Drive and enjoying the view.

I'll miss the library and having access to a ton of books, even though I wasn't able to read all of the ones I wanted to. Plus, having access to Boston and all kinds of places close by is great.

Here are my grades for this semester:
Student Teaching: A
Student Teaching Seminar: A
Independent Study in Theology: A
:)

Umm, it's time for bed, because tomorrow my family's coming in! (and I have a lot of people to see and things to do...)

Ukraine blog!

2009-05-05T23:10:00.002-04:00

Hi all,

I wanted to let you know that I have begun a blog for this next year in Ukraine.

It can be found at ukrainejh.blogspot.com, and I'll update it periodically. Feel free to leave encouraging comments!

Also, you'll probably be able to find photos on my Facebook account! :)

If you would like to support me financially, you can do so at You + Me + KCA = Teaching Math in Ukraine.

Have a wonderful day!

It's about time for an update...

2009-04-08T19:06:00.004-04:00

Hi to all who actually read this thing,

I figured it was about time for me to reflect on what has been going on in my life lately.

Student Teaching
On Friday, I finished teaching at Atlantic. In the morning, I thought I wouldn't really miss it, but in retrospect, I miss the students and some of the teachers.
My classes included 2 sections of 8th grade pre-algebra, 1 section of algebra 1 (8th grade), and I was supposed to teach a 7th grade math class on the last day, but that never happened, unfortunately.
Yes, it was crazy at times; yes, I need to improve on my classroom management skills; yes, I know that I cannot teach math as abstractly as I can understand. Now that I have this semester (or rather, these 12 weeks) with new ideas and new understandings of old ideas under my belt, I'm ready to implement what I've learned.

Ukraine
This next school year, I will be returning to Ukraine to teach math at Kiev Christian Academy!!! I'll be with the middle/high school students, but I'm not sure which classes I'll have just yet. During the summer, I'll be traveling to churches in MD/DE/PA/WV to raise the $10,000-$12,000 that will be used to pay for my expenses while I am there (KCA does not pay a salary). For more info you can check out http://web.nazarene.org/goto/ukrainejh, and I am working on a Ukraine blog.

Finishing Up ENC Life
During the past few days being back on campus for most of the day, I've not really known what to do with myself. I can stay up late and sleep in because I don't really have to be anywhere until lunchtime. However, I know that I have plenty of schoolwork to do -- my Education portfolio is due next Friday, I have an adolescent psychology test to take, and I have to work on things for my independent study.
It's been strange being back in the middle of the day, and it's almost like reverse culture shock. I've been out of the loop for so long about things, or I've heard about events through the grapevine. ENC is a different world from Atlantic--in fact, ENC is a bit of a bubble when it comes to knowing what's going on in the world!
People have asked if I would spend my free weeks at home, but these are my last few weeks with my ENC friends/family--I want to make every moment count!

Wolly Quizzing Quotes

2009-04-08T10:02:00.004-04:00

Here they are, for your enjoyment, from the past 3-4 years of quizzing.

October 2006
"He's making a Sri Lanka or something" (Katrina about Mike making this paper thing)
"Oh snap I need a banjo" (Katrina)
"We're in Vermont...Merilyn C...in her minivan...cows...river..."

January 2007
Memorable moments from the past 24 hours:
~Joline stealing Preston away from Kerri (in a SKIT!)
Lori: "I'm going to have to speak to my daughter after this"
Andrew: "No, I'M going to have to speak to your daughter"

~Tenny: "Oh, Preston, Preston"

~Jocey, in Prof's office: "Oh look, a guy in a golden chair!" (pulls bookend out, and the books fall) "oops"

~"This bus felt like a capsizing ship as we went over that bump" (Lucas)

~said enthusiastically, "I'm running on pure adrenaline right now. WOOHOO!!" (Becky)

~Jocey about the earlier chapters, "I still got it" and "Hallelujah!"

~to Becky about 6 yr old Anne pretending she couldn't get up: "She hangs out with you"

~coming back to the dorm and freaking out Magon and Rebekah
Rebekah: "Whose purse is this?"
Magon: "Not mine"
Me, showing up: "Mine"
Rebekah/Magon: "AAAHHH!!"

~Sondra: "Look at your HAIR!"
Joel: "I can't! It's on top of my head!"

~"Why is there a man with an elephant on his head?" (Jocey in Prof's office)

~Joel: "Our worlds are colliding! How'd I get another fork?"

~being amused by a water bottle. Joline was tossing it around on the floor, and managed to get it to stand up. "I bet I couldn't do that again in my LIFE if I tried!" then Matt, Katrina, Joel and I clapped for her and the waterbottle till she DID IT AGAIN!!! hahaha it was amazing.

~Preston: "Let's go! I'm hungry" (right after being really amused by the paddleball toy)
me: "He's probably going to get there, see the food, and change his mind."
Ten minutes later I get to the caf....
Joel: "Where's Preston?"
Kerri: "He left. He wasn't hungry"

~Joel: "I have no problem going back to prison"

February 2007
*Jen on the phone: “Z as in xylophone”
*Jen S: “Do we have to go through New Hampshire?”
*Jess: “Oh look, this snow is powdery” (right foot plunges into snow)
*Jocey: “No! I don’t wanna be a druggie, gosh!”
*Jess: “Who needs vegetables at dinner when you can eat popcorn?”
*Jen: “We do not practice personification here”
*Joel: “I’m a perfectly normal and sane person…compared to the play”
*Sondra’s dream that Prof was on drugs

*Hannah: “It’s called a quiz meet, not a hangout meet”
*Prof: “Smack me if you want—it’ll still hurt”

*Joel: “Someday I want to be laughed with, not at”
Jen: “Say something funny and I’ll laugh with you”

*Prof (about Bible study): “And what does that mean?”
Hannah: “Studying the Bible”

*Lucas: “Who would you like to violently evaporate?” (playing Mafia)
*Jen: “Welcome to New Hampshire! ...I mean Massachusetts!”
*Sondra: “What is it about us with men?” (to Deborah during a game of Guess Who?)
*Deborah: “You’re just gonna lay in a cold box for the rest of your...oh. You’re already dead.”
*Jen: “Belch it out, guys” (for singing)
*Sondra to Billy: “Just think, you could be related to Joel.”
*Joel to Becky: “Much as I love you, I just can’t marry you.”

*Joel: “Are you quizzed out?”
Ryan: “Yes”
Joel: “Why do I get the feeling you’re lying?”

*(Hannah knocks chair over)
Joel/Jess, at the same time: “Shhhh!!!” (laughter) … “She just made a joke and she doesn’t know it.”
Hannah: “What joke?”

Other
*"Luke, look, it's your parents!" (while driving down the road)
"Aww, that's cute."

*Robert to Sondra: "You're not exactly classified a friend yet"

*Deborah: "That's because she's OLD!--er...."

A Good Finish

2009-03-28T20:30:00.007-04:00

This weekend was my last New England quiz meet (not counting Regionals) for a long time, if ever again. Sad. I know I'll see a handful of them at Regionals in a month, or in other contexts, and I'll still "see" them on Facebook. But still, this weekend began my goodbyes that I am saying in the next couple months.

HIGHLIGHTS!

Friday night:
*Hitting the PANIC button on my remote key, thus setting off my car alarm as I opened my trunk. Then when I went to close it, I hit Matt's arm with the trunk hatch. Sorry, Matt.
*We got lost on our way there. Really lost. Like going into downtown Lowell when we didn't have to. I asked a police officer for directions (stereotypically enough, he was at Dunkin's), and then we were looking for VFW parkway, a McDonald's, and... a legit bridge (i.e., one that actually went over water, not a road). We finally found the "legit bridge", and then...made not just one wrong turn, but 2.
*"SLOW--Senior Citizen Zone" and "SENIOR SAFETY ZONE" signs were by the Council on Aging. After taking pictures of these, and following directions from a random person in an apartment complex parking lot, we went back to the original McDonalds.
*There we discovered the road we needed ALL ALONG, and it was next to a LEGIT BRIDGE!!! So frustrating!
*A cold night on the floor--I even had my head inside my sleeping bag! The temperatures were completely opposite from the way they are in my top bunk in Munro.

Saturday
*Quizmastering while ridiculously drowsy--until my hot tea (aka caffeine) kicked in!
*Matt had Jen and I come up after the high school seniors shared what their plans were for after graduation and what quizzing has meant to them, and thanked us for working with quizzing, and all that good stuff. Thanks, Matt for your antics but also your willingness to help!
*Also, a BIG thank you to all the NED quizzing folks that contributed toward my Ukraine trip fund -- the total was $109!!!

Saturday afternoon/evening
*Congratulations to Wolly's JV team (Nick, Emily, Cindi) for making it to Regionals as a JV local team!!! (2nd place)
*Congrats to Robert (varsity) and Nick (JV) for making the all-star teams!!
*Taking pictures of Matt while he was sleeping, and Jen taking pictures of us--I have a look of "I'm going to smile for the camera but I want to make sure I don't drive my car into another car or curb"
*Exhaustion.

a prayer

2009-03-17T22:55:00.002-04:00

When we avoid slowing down
Hedge us in and still our souls
When we ignore your voice
inviting us to be foolish
Release our grip on the need to fit in
give us guts to follow you

College students do not live by ramen alone...

2009-03-06T19:49:00.008-05:00

...as simple as that may be.

Tonight begins ENC's spring break, and I (along with many other student teachers and other students) remain on campus. The cafeteria is closed, so we are left to fend for ourselves for food. This is the longest vacation time that I've stayed on campus -- in past years, I've stayed for Easter break (4-day weekend) and J-term break.

I have limited cooking skills/experience....though they increased during my times on YIM. Rachel, Brandi, Angela, and I would go grocery shopping in El Paso, but primarily went out to eat (yeah Sonic!!!). One night we fixed ourselves spaghetti and salad, and even set the table in the fellowship hall--it was quite homey. I think it took us a while to decide what kind of pasta sauce to get, just like when we decided where to eat each day/week. In Ukraine, we fixed a number of our own meals...like "last-resort sandwiches" when we didn't want to take the food on the train and didn't want to do more grocery shopping!

Needless to say, this week is going to be a test of my ability to live on more than ramen, cereal, cookies, EasyMac, etc., and avoid eating out all the time. My goal was to cook for myself, with some degree of nutrition and avoiding prepared/frozen/canned meals, and prove whatever independence I have.

Shopping List ($44.41 in total)
1/2 gallon of milk
Sour cream aka сметана
Shredded cheese
Butter
Black beans
White rice
Spaghetti noodles
Mac and cheese dinner
Loaf of bread
Egg noodles (cheaper than Hamburger Helper, because I wasn't buying the meat)
Corn tortillas
Salsa
Tomato soup
Spaghetti sauce (tomato and basil flavor)
Frozen mixed veggies
Frozen corn/peas
Apples
Goober PB/Jelly combo

Other Foods:
Pi Day celebration pizza on Friday--$2 for 2 slices
plemeni (Ukrainian boiled dumplings, with or without meat), and Ukrainian cheese--$11.30

You may notice the general lack of meat on the list. I have not become a vegetarian, but rather decided that I could manage without meat for the week and a half. It's less expensive that way, and is less that I have to cook.

This food, along with my granola bars and cereal that are already in my room, is to last me for
23-25 meals (if you are wondering about the breakdown, it's 7 breakfasts, 9 lunches, 7 or 8 dinners). I might end up with some "last resort" meals composed of various leftovers. You can't beat open-faced fried onion-tomato-turkey jerky-sandwiches with a slice of Ukranian cheese on top, though. :)

Some of the meals I'm trying:
Black bean quesadillas and salsa
Tomato-vegetable stroganoff (meatless)
PBJ every day for lunch at school
only ONE meal of Mac and Cheese!

So far, I've made myself spaghetti with sauce, which was pretty easy -- boil the spaghetti, warm the sauce. I'm not terribly sure of myself when it comes to timing of all parts of the meal, and the stove in our dorm kitchen, but it worked out (even without a colander!). In my friend's words, "You're so domestic!" Maybe, maybe not.

Here goes...

Of Challenges, Falling Down, and Skiing

2009-01-15T19:31:00.003-05:00

We all face challenges in life. Whether they include deaths of loved ones, questions about relationships, discouragements, uncertainties about the future, or any others, we all have to respond to challenges in our lives; we cannot grow without challenges.

"Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."" (John 12:24-25)

In this passage, Jesus is explaining (albeit in codes and parables) that he must die for the benefit of many others. His death on the cross was the whole reason for his being on earth, and was what would glorify God. It may not have been what he would've liked, but it was God's calling for His life, and Jesus wanted to do what would please God, not humankind or himself.

On New Year's Day, I went skiing in Pennsylvania with my dad. We skiied for about 5 hours total (a few hours before lunch, then a couple hours after), which was actually the same amount of time I slept the night before. For the first time, I went on a black diamond slope, which is usually deemed to be among the most difficult on a particular mountain, and usually I only ski on intermediate slopes. "Black Diamond trails tend to be steep (typically 40% and up) and may or may not be groomed"(Wikipedia). I think that the mountains I've skiied on in Vermont and New Hampshire have been bigger and steeper than the one I'm used to in PA, so I have probably already skiied on a black-diamond equivalent. When I first went down Exhibition, I was amazed that it qualified as a black-diamond slope -- then it got steep, and I reconsidered.

When I ski, I tend to keep track of how many times I fall. I feel accomplished when I don't fall too many times. I skiied on this particular black diamond slope about 4 times, and fell twice on those. Another time I fell on an "easier" intermediate slope -- yeah, yeah, I know -- and other times I would fall because people *almost* ran into me or I *almost* ran into them. Toward the end of the day, I just started falling more and more because I was getting tired. Eventually, I decided that I should probably stop, since I wasn't going to gain any more energy, and I was just going to further damage my record of only falling about 5 times that day.

Sometimes I fell because I turned too sharply. Sometimes I fell because others almost hit me, and it made me nervous having too many people skiing around me. Toward the end of the day, I fell because I was tired and wasn't making as much of an effort to keep my balance.

Each time I fell down, I had two options: to keep laying there in the same place, or to get back up again. Or to keep tumbling down the mountain--that was also an option depending on how I fell. I'll admit, once I realized that I was getting tired, it actually felt nice to just stay sitting or laying on the slope for just a minute or two. However, I was a potential hazard to myself and to others coming down the slope...I didn't want to be run over.

We all fall down in life. Some people fall more often than others, for different reasons. The important thing is to get up again. Yes, you do have the options of continuing to tumble down the mountain or to stay in the same place and "enjoy" resting on the cold wet snow, but those are just plain hazardous.

By skiing a few times on an "expert" slope, I hope that it will help me become a better skiier. I would not become a better skiier just by resigning myself to the intermediate or "bunny" slopes.

I cannot be satisfied staying down when I am challenged. If I fall, I have to get back up, and Christ will help me not to fall again. Getting back into the swing of things, i.e., reading God's Word and worshiping and praying, after you've been challenged, is a challenge (for lack of a better term). I also cannot try to avoid all challenges and live a life of smooth sailing -- it's not possible. Following Christ isn't meant to be easy -- "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." (Luke 9:23-24). Our life is not our own.

Next time we are challenged, we will stand strong with the help of God and others. If we fall, we will help each other stand again. God is faithful to finish the work He began in us.

almighty
surround my universe
fill me with peace
represent Christ through opportunity

"IQ Test" from youth group a long time ago

2008-12-29T17:30:00.004-05:00

I found this paper while cleaning my room.
Answers can be found at the end of this blog.

1. If you went to bed at 8:00 am and set the alarm to get up at 9:00 the next morning, how many hours of sleep would you get?
2. Does England have a Fourth of July?
3. Why can't a man living in Winston-Salem, North Carolina be buried west of the Mississippi river?
4. If you had a match and entered a room in which there were a kerosene lamp, an oil heater, and a wood-burning stove, which would you light first?
5. A man built a house with four sides to it and it is rectangular in shape. Each side has a southern exposure. A big bear came wandering by; what color is the bear?
6. How far can a dog run into the woods?
7. I have in my hand two US coins which total 55 cents in value. One is not a nickel. What are the 2 coins?
8. A farmer had 17 sheep; all but 9 died. How many does he have left?
9. Divide 30 by one-half and add 10. What is the answer?
10. Take two apples from three apples and what do you have?
11. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents. The woman is the beggar's sister but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
12. Is it legal in North Carolina for a man to marry his widow's sister? Why?

ANSWERS
1. one hour
2. yes
3. he isn't dead yet
4. the match
5. white
6. halfway
7. half dollar and nickel
8. nine
9. seventy
10. two apples
11. the beggar is a girl
12. No, because if he has a widow, then he has to be dead.

2008 in Review

2008-12-16T20:13:00.008-05:00

Overall highlights:

Travels:
Vermont
El Paso x2
Chicago x2
Ukraine
Unintended overnight stays in Warsaw, Poland and Fishkill, NY.
Newark, DE to visit Anne!
Lancaster, PA to hang out with Olivia

New Experiences:
Lots of snowmobiling!
Swing dancing
Learning Russian and a smidgen of Ukrainian
Running over the universal joint of a bus (and subsequently damaging my car)
Surprise weekend visit to my family
Catering on campus (and getting to enjoy tasty food)
Ninja tag, Ultimate Frisbee, short runs on Wolly Beach in the middle of the night
Michael W Smith / Steven Curtis Chapman concert
Red Sox game @ Camden Yards

Goodbyes:
Professors that moved (Doc/Prof to Chicago, Prof Fiacco to TX)
Mrs. Quimby, high school AP Calc teacher. You will be missed.
ENC Class of 2008
old Marley Park church building

Ukraine (gets its own section):
Meeting Charly and inhaling hot glue fumes (by accident!) and good times all night long on the deck. Exploring Kiev. Traveling by overnight train. Building relationships with families. Blowing bubbles with Katya and playing catch with Sveta. Playing with 3 year old twin boys who seemed to get in trouble all the time. Facing suffering, and finding that worship is the only feasible response. Attended a Ukrainian wedding and reception. Running over a tire-stopper-block (for semi trucks), but this time I wasn't driving! Seeing the end of the line for banana boxes of humanitarian aid. VBS's all around. Going to the Vapnyarka bazaar and meat market on my birthday. Using squatty potties. Eating dried fish, salo, and chicken-flavored potato chips. Tumbleweed Gulch Ukrainian-style. God keeping us safe throughout our travels.

Spiritual highlights:
Got baptized.
Trying to figure out if God is calling me to missions.
Having more questions than answers (not really a highlight, not sure how to describe it).

Academic highlights:
Declared a religion minor.
Education Club activities
Finishing all my major classes (only student teaching and an independent study left!)

Next year is going to bring just as many changes, I'm sure.
Ready or not, here I come, 2009!

This is a Call, part 2

2008-12-16T08:28:00.004-05:00

(part one of this blog can be found here)

Once again, I am home on vacation, and have the Central Call System calling me about substituting.

The past two mornings, I've had my alarm going off at the latest possible time for me to get up, shower, and get ready to go to a school. However, at that point, there weren't any jobs listed for me, so I would go back to bed. Within the next hour, the phone would ring multiple times with jobs for me, but there was no way I could make it to the school at that point -- so I would go back to bed AGAIN.

I realized that the SMART choice would have been to get up and get ready, and then find out where there was a job available for me.

It made me think about how I should be ready to go where God wants me, even if I don't know where that is just yet, and even if I would really like to stay where it's comfortable. I need to get out of what is comfortable, and begin preparing for any of the possibilities I am considering for next year.

I should be ready to respond and go at the same time. "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

I couldn't help but notice the parallels in this situation to listening for God's call. We should be aware of when God might be calling us or speaking to us--which is really any time, not just a few hours out of the day. When He does call us, we should be ready to listen and obey, disregarding other concerns (even family-?). Because He has called us, we should be willing to accept that call, no matter what it is.

I'm really not terribly sure what next year will bring. A year from now, where will I be? Will I be here in MD? Will I be in El Paso? Will I be in Ukraine? Will I be somewhere else?

Right now there are more questions than answers.

The best I know is that I am called to follow Christ, to be made in His image, to worship Him, to share His love with others. Beyond that is unknown to me right now.

"I held these dreams of my heart tight inside, fearing that if I revealed them to anyone, then I might be held accountable to them or be seen as a failure if things didn't work out." ~Brooklyn Lindsey

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2008-11-27T19:32:00.004-05:00

Today was a great day with both sides of my family...

My brother and I started out our day at our dad's house -- my aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandfather came over for a little while before they left for their dinner. It was good to see them and visit with them a little while, and I was able to show them most of my Ukraine pictures. Okay, "most" is an exaggeration, it was actually "most of the overview pictures", since it was only 10% of my total photos. I showed a lot of history/culture ones at the beginning, and then made my way into the ones that had more of the people. (Seriously, I'm forgetting some of the awesome stories...I need a refresher.)

When I was showing my pictures, I talked about how it was neat to see that God had brought a lot of the pastors out of the drug/alcohol culture, and that they went from that enslavement to now preaching and teaching in the church. After a while, I noticed that my aunt had gone into the living room and was otherwise NOT where I was showing the pictures....I suspected it was because my trip was church-related....Adam said later, "I think you talked about God too much for our aunt, because she left after a while" (and was sitting in their car by the time the rest of us came outside).

He's probably right. But how can you "invalidate" someone's story? We've talked in theology class about how the narrative you are in will influence what kinds of experiences you have. For instance, I will not have experiences in my Christian story like those in a Buddhist life-narrative will have. These were the experiences I had -- I am telling what I have seen and heard (Luke 7:22).

My dad and stepmom have told us before not to say "Merry Christmas" to her (and maybe my uncle too), because she won't like it. However, I cannot (sometimes I simply forget). On December 25, I am celebrating Christ's birth -- that is the holiday. I know the name of Jesus Christ is offensive to some, but today, I just talked about GOD. (Yes, Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit are all the same Being, I know.) I think she may be of Jewish heritage, but I don't think she's a practicing Jew.

I want to know what her "beef" is with God, or the church, or Christians, or whatever it may be. Even though I tended to do it in high school, I don't want to preach AT people about my views, or about Jesus. I want to be able to have a conversation with her, to understand where she's coming from, and what her ideas are.

At the same time, I don't want to "chicken out" about sharing explicitly about God, when I think I can predict their responses. I'm going to give credit to God when it's God's.

After my picture show, we drove to my mom's cousin's house. On the way there, my brother was playing with my radio, and found a radio station..."Is this Chinese?" I listened very careful, and recognized the words "katori" and "delit", and said, "Nope, it's Russian!!!!" On our way home, we listened again, and this time it was in FRENCH! I was seriously excited about a Russian radio station -- I'm going to try it again later.

On my grandfather's side of the family, the average age has fallen....rather than the under-40 bunch being the minority, it is now the over-60 bunch that is in the minority. So many of my cousins had babies there, and a few were really cute. Zack is about 11 months old, and Cydney is 4 mos (she smiled A LOT at me!!!).

My cousins told my uncle Eddie that they stopped at a Target where they were the only white people there, and he didn't like that one bit (he's still holding a 67-year old grudge against Japan and Japanese automobiles). What is wrong with white people being in the minority??? I was/am in the minority in El Paso, and I don't mind it at all!

Most of my cousins from NC were up visiting, and after dinner, Shari, Christina, and I tried to put together a couple of these "Scramble Squares" puzzles. I mostly shot down the ones that wouldn't work...I really wasn't offering anything constructive at all. They got 2 done, no problem, but then we sat and worked on this one for quite a while....Abby joined Christina and I when Shari left, and we were STILL working on it. Troy kept "advising" us, but it really didn't help. You'd think a 9-piece puzzle really wouldn't be that difficult! We never did figure it out.

I hope the rest of you had a wonderful day as well!

The enemy's been defeated....

2008-11-22T00:30:00.006-05:00

The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

Despite my questions, despite my struggles, despite suffering, despite discouragement, despite death, Christ has already defeated all. Just as I learned this summer, and continue to learn each and every day, Christ is my only certainty in life, as well as for after death. Christ is King over all creation, and should be first in my life also.

I was watching an episode of Fringe tonight, and then decided that it was far too serious for my mood right now. So then I found a Paul Wright song to listen to, but that dealt with suicide. Perhaps this seems more jarring to me because I had been having a "calm" time, a wonderful time, things were looking up, in a sense.

Tomorrow is Mrs Quimby's funeral. For many of us that knew her, we thought that she was going to make it through her injuries and fight her way out. We offered so many prayers on her behalf and thought of her so much during her last week on earth. Yet she did not make it. I have not thought so much about the question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" as much as...well, I'm not sure how to word this. It seems ridiculously unfair to say that an amazing teacher and woman would not go to heaven to be with God. (I disagree with the statement that she is now one of God's angels -- I don't believe we are made into angels when we die. Following that logic, it would appear that Hitler would have become a demon, I suppose.) Yet if we truly got what we deserve for the times we do not do what is Christ-like, then we'd all be up a creek without a paddle (is that how the saying goes?) -- who knows in what shape we'd be.

I don't know if Mrs Quimby was a Christian, a follower of Christ, in a relationship with Jesus. I don't claim to know the answer to that question -- but the bottom line is that I just don't know.

What can be done? I want my friends to be with God once their time on earth is done. Being with God, experiencing His love and sharing that with others is one of the best things ever....at the same time though, it is very demanding, GOD is demanding in that I have to put God before all else in my life, and seek God's glory above my own, and learn to see others through Christ's eyes.

Recently we've been talking about how God is love, yes, but yet God demands ALL of us. It's not just a "feel-good" gospel about how much God loves and sent His Son Jesus Christ, but that once we accept the gift of forever living with God, we must live like Christ. A high calling, indeed, but God gives us everything we need -- in the form of the Holy Spirit to shape us in Christ's image.

"He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him." (Luke 8: 25)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

On Wealth and Unnecessary Things

2008-11-15T18:25:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking lately about how some things are unnecessary.

For a family of a father, mother, and two little girls, do you really need a house with 4 bedrooms, 2-3 bathrooms, a computer room/den, a playroom, another parlor-type room, living room, dining area, kitchen, laundry room, and a 2-car garage? I babysat for a family once with a house like this. It seemed like a lot of house for not a lot of people.

My grandfather wants to build a garage at our house in order to store a lawnmower and one or two of our family cars. Do we need a standard-size garage to store a riding mower? The way I see it, we can build another small shed big enough for the mower and other tools. Our driveway/yard is going to be a mess while this garage is built. We have managed my entire life -- with the exception of a year or so, when we only used the garage for storage -- without a "home" for our vehicles. In our family of 3, we have 3 cars. THAT is ridiculous, but we live in the country with NO public transportation unless you are in a K-12 school or are a senior citizen.

Midnight Madness, our pep rally for the basketball teams, was held last night. One of the things that bugged me, and I said to someone, "Is that really necessary? What is the point?", was that the basketball guys were slapping each other on the butt. Why? That's so obnoxious and stupid. I don't want to see that.

When I pack up to move home after graduation, I want to see if I can fit all my possessions into my car. Should I count furniture (shelving) in that aspect as well? The only thing is that I still have a lot of things stored at my mom's house: toys from when I was a kid, books I haven't read, books I'd like to keep, and a few clothes. In thinking about Christmas, I'm trying to whittle down my list to things that I think I "need", but at the same time, some of those are unnecessary in the long run. I know that I can live out of a suitcase and backpack for 2 months, but I am a packrat and will need to do some cleaning and sorting over Christmas break, since I'll be consolidating 2 rooms into one in May.

I've been doing a lot of self-evaluation lately, and seeing areas in which I totally need God's help to improve and become more like Christ. In thinking about an experience I had this week, I struggle with pride and stereotypes about people that are not in my social circles, for one example.

What is unnecessary in my own life, but that I still do anyway? Spending time on Facebook every day -- I know that I will survive if I am only on it once a week, but yet, I am online nearly anytime I am in my room. Buying things that I don't really need, but could use the money for more important things. Taking the day off when I could very well work.

Hmmm....

Ukrainian History....WWII (6/27/08)

2008-10-09T00:17:00.003-04:00

Ukraine site-seeing
Bob’s History Lesson after Caves Monastery (6/27)
-religion at its basic level is a way to make sense of the world
-orthodox worldview- only one person at the top – pyramid-like and top-down
-priests and aristocracy were literate…paintings so people can understand
-hence decorations…also national history
-philosophy of top-down comes from the church – get permission first and then be creative
-in Protestantism, reward creativity
-think outside the box—requires permission first
-influences public education
-faith through hearing the Word of God—requires literacy—Reformation and Sunday SCHOOL—otherwise work during the week
-public education here came in the 1917 Bolshevik revolution, then a high literacy rate
-1895 Spanish-American War- soldiers became teachers and built schools
-masses repeat what they heard from the top (so like apostolic succession?)
-influences the way society functions
-if you have relationships/connections, call the top person up
-take the time to understand the system before doing anything
-Icon curtain—Protestants have direct access to King

War Memorial… “Their actions will live forever, and the words are eternal”
Museum—you gotta FEEL it…hence music playing
-No women in first relief sculpture – everything is significant
-Water – to get across river – symbolic – Dnieper – Kiev – one of the hero cities
-Great Patriotic War against the Fascists = WWII (what it doesn’t say and does say, says a lot)
-broken Nazi eagle on the ground
-developing war machine in Germany
-onslaught came in June 1941 – destroyed homes, everything everywhere
-The Motherland is Calling!
-3 weeks to capture 11 countries (Germany said this)
-Operation Babarosa – German for Eastern front –Germans had positive outlook
-3 months just for getting Kiev – threw off plans -Germans told them they’d lose soccer game, but they won, so they eliminated the whole team
-May Day parade in Kiev 1941 – peaceful time, wonderful time
-test of what would happen to the people
-parents and grandparents would know these people – nostalgia (photos of famous people of the times)
-destruction, “We’ll be marching in Red Square by Christmas”
-Germans weren’t prepared for one of the coldest winters
-Leningrad portion = bread, sawdust, paper, whatever found
-3 years blockaded the city – never surrendered! Toughed it out
-Navy battles – perfect ship, never lost, never lost a person
-Hitler wanted to get to Caspian Sea – it had oil!
-Concentration camp sign – To each his own
-soap made from human fat, gloves made from human skin
-didn’t really bother with camps, just had a mass grave
-occupation of Kiev – renamed streets
-Hitler wanted a world order – army of murderers – doing whatever to make them submit (took everything, just destroyed)
-couldn’t make them submit and be slaves
-“Eastern workers” – sent back to work in fields – young folks
-there wasn’t safety in the back lines in occupied areas
-towns totally destroyed by fire
-French left their cannons back in the 1800s
-every hit of the hammer = a hit against the enemy
-Soviet flags upstairs now – something (Stalingrad/Volvograd) happened – 100% destroyed
-D-Day happened after that – Volga river dumps into Caspian Sea
-running Germans back, running them out – For Stalin! For Soviet! (look at faces)
-war not fair – this lady lost all 9 sons (village signed up as a group)
-this lady had all 5 sons come back
-captured German banners – battle at Reichstag, Berlin – Red army came, triumph!
-60 million died because of WWII – country breakdown
-China 8.2 million (#2 country for casualties)
-#1 country: Soviet Union lost 30 million people
-US lost 500,000 people, about 5,000 a day over the course of the war
-US and Soviet Union had about the same population (give or take a million) at the time
-everybody lost somebody, and you’d better not forget it
-one of the classes is how to shoot automatic weapon, take apart, shoot again
-better understanding of why they built an iron curtain
-keep out after losing so many – another perspective to Cold War
-wouldn’t let another become greater than them, because last time that it happened…
-they wanted to keep their land theirs, though they hate it (???)

Dreaming of Ukraine....two months later

2008-09-27T19:09:00.005-04:00

This morning when my alarm went off, I had just been dreaming that I was in Ukraine. I was so sad that it was just a dream, and that I wasn't there.

Yesterday I had been putting my photos from this summer into an album, and I also saw some photos online of odd buildings/places in Ukraine and Russia. So Ukraine was on the brain.

Here's the story from my dream last night.

For whatever reason, my cousin Jen and I were in downtown Kiev and had 10 minutes until we had to be somewhere else. At the very beginning of my dream, I threw my arms in the air, so excited that I was in Ukraine.

I wanted to take her to the Caves Monastery, to which I insisted I knew the way. She reminded me of a time when we were traveling and I claimed the area looked "vaguely familiar," until we arrived. [However, I wasn't even traveling with her that time!] We proceeded to walk down the street until we got to the next intersection.

I wanted to ask how long of a walk it was till we got to the Caves Monastery, so I proceeded to ask a person passing by. First, I asked, "English?" and she said no, and explained a little bit. I'm not sure how I understood that, if I don't really understand Russian! I knew that I needed to use the word for how much (сколько), but beyond that, I think I was going to make it up as I went along. She told us it was about a 15-20 minute walk, and it was either her or one of our religion professors (not even sure how she got in my dream!!!) that said, "It's a nice walk, so it doesn't seem like that far."

Then we went a little ways farther, and came across a group of Americans, I suppose, including the aforementioned religion professor and my friend Bryan (again, not sure how he was in my dream). At this point, it was time for my cousin and I to turn around and leave, so they all shouted "BYE!" in unison. [Later I thought about how that would not be appropriate in Ukraine and would immediately mark you as a tourist/outsider.] We turned around to leave, and then...

My alarm went off. I wanted to cry! I miss Ukraine!

Ukraine 2008: A Brief Summary of Children's Ministry, Compassion, and Reconciliation

2008-09-21T20:47:00.000-04:00

Dear family and friends,
I have recently returned from a Youth in Mission trip to Ukraine, and it was a wonderful time of playing with children, leading and helping with Vacation Bible Schools, and otherwise seeing God’s hand at work in the lives of Ukrainians. Thank you for your financial and/or prayer support that enabled my team and I to participate in this; you have played a part in ministry to others around the world! This letter will give you an overview of the two months I spent in Ukraine and will introduce you to some of the people we met, though it is impossible to fit all the stories from that time into these few pages.

INTRODUCTION TO UKRAINE
Ukrainians have been influenced by three major events/societal structures: World War II, Communism, and Eastern Orthodoxy. Everyone in the Soviet Union lost somebody in the war, and nearly every village/town/city has a war memorial and an Orthodox church. Whenever we were in downtown Kyiv (the capital city) on weekends, we would usually see wedding parties walking or driving around to the various war memorials and churches for photos in honor of their family members who served in the war. Ukraine only recently became independent, and it is mind-boggling that people I met or passed in the streets have lived what I learned about in history classes.

During our first week in Kyiv, we met a Canadian girl about our age, Charly, who had been teaching churches how to use puppets in children’s ministry. It was wonderful getting to know her! Later that week, we joined her for a Puppetry Seminar at Kyiv First Church, which gave us skills and puppets to use throughout the rest of our time in Ukraine. We also met Irina (the children’s director) and Deena, who later joined us in Zaporozhe.

CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE IN UKRAINE
The work of the Church of the Nazarene began just after the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, when a missionary couple returned to the country and began hosting home Bible studies. Their translator was Vova (Vladimir), who is now the pastor of Kyiv First Church.

I found that the passage of 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 about Christians being given the ministry of reconciliation really relates to how the church is working and growing in Ukraine. Currently there are a number of churches and drug/alcohol rehab centers throughout the country (mostly in the western part) and 2-3 children’s homes. We were also able to visit 2 men’s rehab centers, one women’s rehab center, 2 children’s homes, and a halfway house for men who have been released from prison.

We also helped transfer banana boxes of humanitarian aid from the Kyiv Ministry Center to a truck that would then transfer it to Vira in Chernovtsy. As you will soon read, we had worked with her and met some of the children who would receive that aid, so it was really neat to see the banana boxes travel full-circle and have a personal connection. Also, at our last location, there was a boy who wore t-shirts with names of small towns that are on my district. That gives me reason to think that I have truly seen the final destination of banana boxes from my district.

CHERNOVTSY
On our way to Chernovtsy, we met Vica (our translator/interpreter) and Tiffany (a volunteer in Ukraine), who traveled with us for the rest of our time in Ukraine. It was wonderful having them with us -- to learn from their experiences, have some companions , and have fun with them!

In Chernovtsy, we worked with Vira Kushnir, who is passionate about helping children with special needs and their families. She says, “Compassion is my lifestyle,” and challenged us by saying that compassion is more than simply feeling sorry for a cause or a person – it means DOING something about it!

We met Sveta, who is 30 years old and has Down’s Syndrome. We helped teach her how to tie her shoes, practicing by using toy shoes. We also organized boxes of toys, occupational therapy supplies, personal care items, and school supplies for Vira to distribute.

One of the highlights (for me) of our time in Ukraine was getting to know Katya and her mom and to encourage them. Katya is 18 and has cerebral palsy, and we went to her apartment twice to sing songs, talk to her, play with her (bubbles and “soccer”), and chat with her mom. Life is difficult for her mother, because in Ukraine, very little assistance is given to those with disabilities. Her husband left her a number of years ago, she is a single mom raising 2 children, and she devotes much of her time to caring for Katya. She says that it has been wonderful knowing Vira and joining her children’s clubs, so that she can meet others in a similar situation.

TULCHIN
In the town of Tulchin, we worked with Pastor Victor to host a backyard Vacation Bible School (VBS). For about 4 mornings, we would meet with around 4 children to play games, share a Bible story and lesson, sing some songs, and share a snack. In the evenings, we would simply play with Victor and Olga’s own twin boys after they returned from daycare.

Pastor Victor is one of many Nazarene pastors in Ukraine that has come out of the drug/alcohol culture. He is now sharing that same hope, love, and new life found in Christ with others in Tulchin. He and his wife also shared with us the story of the biggest miracle they’d witnessed: he and Olga were told they would never be able to have children, and now God has given them three young boys!

ZAPOROZHE
Our time in Zaporozhe was a time of really getting to know the kids in the community surrounding the church, and then helping to host a cowboy-themed VBS during our second week. The first week included simply being at the church in the mornings for any children that might stop by to play, and so Nadine and I played basketball, ran around, and played games with them, along with letting them show us tricks they could do. Since we also needed to prepare for the VBS, a number of the kids wanted to help us decorate and advertise, so we welcomed their help in creating a cardboard street front, wall decorations, and flyers.

I got to know 7 year old Vladik throughout the course of the week, as we played basketball. He, of course, would talk to me and I would have next to no idea what he was saying; likewise, I’m sure he had no idea what I was saying either. Once he figured out that my camera could record short videos, he would ask if I could record him jumping off of a small awning, or if he could record someone else saying or doing something. His younger sister Ivana also came to play at the church, and during the VBS I helped her make an origami flower.

For VBS, we were joined by youth teams from Kyiv and Vinnytsa, as well as another American girl named Ree. The Ukraine teams primarily lead the VBS, whether it was with songs, games, crafts, origami, or Bible studies with each age group. Our role at this time became one of support, filling in wherever someone was needed. As we walked to and from lunch and the games area, we were able to talk to some of the children who also enjoyed practicing their English.

The theme for this summer’s VBS was “God’s Love Changes Everything,” and it is my hope and prayer that what the children learned and saw that week will have an eternal impact on their hearts. I hope that Anya and Marina, two teenage girls who became Christians during that week, will continue to walk with Christ. I hope that Vladik and Ivana will continue attending church, and will find that the love shown there is actually Christ’s love for them.

GORODKIVKA
Our final destination was the small village of Gorodkivka, where we would help Pastor Oleg with a 3 day VBS. This was the first one that we had completely planned ourselves, so we used ideas that we had learned from the other teams at Zaporozhe. “A vot morye” (There’s a Sea, roughly translated) was a big hit with these kids, and we had spent a few hours learning the song ourselves. Roughly translated, the song is “There’s an eye, on the fish, on the pole, in the hand, of the fisherman, on the boat, on the sea of Galilee,” and its repetition helped us to sing most of the words instead of mumbling them like we had in Zaporozhe!

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
During our time in Ukraine, we experienced new foods, traveled on trains, and saw God’s hand of protection at work. God kept us safe as we traveled with a “maniac” driver—I call him that because he was driving far too fast in a thunderstorm for my comfort—to an overnight camp in Chernovtsy. God protected us from any more trouble as we returned from a wedding in Vapnyarka; we had run over some debris in the road that damaged our fuel and oil lines, and we had to sit on the side of the road in the middle of the night for two hours. We also saw God’s provision, as we worked with some wonderful people like Charly, the Kiev/Vinnytsa teams, and Pastor Andriy at Zaporozhe.

CLOSING
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, and thank you once again for providing support this summer. It was a time of learning to trust God as well as seeing God’s hand at work within the country of Ukraine.

In Christ,
Jessica

Summer 2008 Adventures

2008-08-20T12:37:00.004-04:00

I was just thinking about this summer and the wide array of experiences I've had...

~running over the universal joint of a bus while traveling home from school
~substitute teaching
~traveling to Ukraine
~trying to learn Russian
~playing with kids and leading/helping with VBS's
~navigating Kiev's public transport system and the streets
~learning about trusting God: "It's okay, you can trust Me"
~hanging out in El Paso for a few extra days
~speaking Russian to 2 ladies at the Outlets! YES! (I didn't understand everything they said, though.
~babysitting Sarah, Hannah, and Dia
~spending 4 days in Chicago/Bourbonnais with my teammates from last summer
~taking a taxi at 11pm because we missed the last bus to the hotel by 5 hours
~seeing the Red Sox play at Camden Yards
~getting baptized
~having a yard sale (I made only $41.75, but hey, that's something)
~trying to speak Spanish to people that came to our yard sale, and trying to understand my neighbor's mother's Hungarian....when all the while my Russian was trying to fight its way out of me....I found myself speaking Spanish slower, and trying to use Russian to speak to the Hungarian lady. I did, however, recognize the word for school! YES!
~observing at my old high school

8 reasons why I am a failure at making Ukrainian dumplings

2008-08-05T02:44:00.004-04:00

1. I am currently on the wrong side of the Prime Meridian, as my brother says.
2. I tried making vareneky for the first time, and I used too much dough.
3. I am not Ukrainian.
4. When I made said vareneky, I didn't have any sour cream to help with the taste.
5. When I made plemeny, the meat became embedded in the dough.
6. The dough is really sticky.
7. I need more practice.
8. Actually, I need to watch a Ukrainian do it first.

Let's hope that when I try to make borsch (soup), it turns out well. I don't think there's much I can do to botch the soup called borsch. :)

final update from Ukraine!

2008-07-21T16:38:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone,

In two days Nadine and I will be returning to the States after over six weeks of ministry and travel here in Ukraine. I am ready to see my friends and family, but at the same time, I don't quite want to say goodbye to this place that has been "home" this month and a half.

I celebrated my 21st birthday in the small town of Vapnyarka. The day consisted of getting off the overnight train and spending most of our time in town before leaving for the village of Gorodkivka. We rested for a while, catching up on sleep, since our train ride was from about 1am to 7 am. Vica took us to see the new children's center--when it is ready, about 100 children and staff will be able to live there. It was great to see that even more children can be helped, and that they will experience Christ's love! We also went to the bazaar to buy a few groceries, and stopped by the meat market for a minute or two. The meat market wasn't as gross as I thought it would be (maybe because we weren't there for long), but seeing pigs' feet and pigs' snouts outside was definitely gross!

To get to Gorodkivka, we traveled about 45 minutes in a van with all our stuff (on the way back, it took close to 2 hours, since we were bumping around on back roads--picture driving through fields). It is a tiny village, in the middle of nowhere, but the views of the surrounding landscape were amazing.

For the 3 days we were there, we hosted an afternoon VBS for about 12-14 kids. Having just done VBS in Zaporozhe, we pulled a number of our activity ideas from those we had done last week: origami patterns, a puppet skit, games, and songs. The kids loved the "A vot morye" song--it is like "There's a hole in the bottom of the sea", but the verses are "There's an eye, on the fish, on the pole, in the hand, of the fisherman, in the boat, on the sea of Galilee." It is very repetitive, with lots of motions, and a few of the kids wanted to sing it by themselves in front of everyone! We told the stories of creation, the fall and Christ's redemption, and Paul's conversion over the course of the 3 days. On the second day, Pastor Oleg prayed with 3 kids who had not yet prayed to become Christians, and it is my hope and prayer that they would remain connected to the church and continue growing in Christ.

A few updates ago, I wrote about helping with banana boxes, and how cool it was to know of the final destination of those boxes. When we were in Gorodkivka, I think I finally found the destination of some of our boxes from my district. One of the boys, Sasha, had shirts with names of Pennsylvania towns on them--towns that are on my district. I am pretty sure that those shirts came from the Mid-Atlantic district!

Yesterday was our last Sunday at the Kiev church, and we said goodbye to Ira (children's worker), the Skinners, Ree (from NNU), and a few of the youth from Kiev, as they left last night for the children's camp. These last few days will consist of finishing up anything we need or want to do in Kiev, like last minute sight-seeing. We will return to El Paso for re-entry camp, and then I will return to MD on the 29th!

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement over these last few weeks. It has been a great summer of getting to know the kids here, and sharing the love of Christ with them. We have been able to partner with the churches here and their work in the communities, so that they can connect with the children. Not to mention, it is encouraging to see all that the Ukraine church is doing for children and adults here.

update #6

2008-07-15T16:36:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

Nadine and I are in Kiev right now, and will be leaving soon for Gorodkivka in the wee hours of the morning.

Last week was a wonderful week of VBS/camp in Zaporozhe, with the youth from Kiev and Vinnytsia and the local kids. The theme was Tumbleweed Gulch, so we used the Nazarene curriculum from last summer. Each day from 9am to 3pm, we had songs, games, crafts, origami, lunch, and of course Bible stories with about 30-40 kids. I am glad that we were not the only ones there to work with the kids, because the youth here actually know the language. We helped in various ways, whether it was to help supervise the kids as we walked to the schoolyard for games or to the restaurant for lunch. Each morning, all the staff did a sort of dance to one of the songs, and so we were a part of that. We sang the song "God's Love Changes Everything" in Russian, and I think I know most of it....It helped that I knew the tune, but some parts of the song I would just mumble along something that sounded like the Russian. We also learned a few more kids' songs, but I don't have the words written down to be able to practice saying them. We also were asked to do games on Wednesday, so between the 5 of us, we brainstormed games that could be done. We then explained them to Vica, our translator, who then explained them to the Ukrainians.

The kids really liked to practice their English, which was great, sad, and odd to me. Some of the kids would ask me, "What is your name?" or respond to my basic questions in English. A few, like Dasha and Diana, could ask more questions (with help from some of the older girls), like if I had pets. Some of the boys, like Nikita, would ask what my name was, and respond for me, saying it was "Flower"; he was simply practicing the words he had memorized, I think. However, some of the younger boys knew a few swear words in English--I tried to tell them not to say that, but I have limited language skills.

What was really neat throughout the week was that we were able to walk with the kids, and talk to them (or at least try to). A lot of the time, I didn't know what the kids were saying, so I just smiled at them, and tried to understand what they were saying. At lunch one day, a couple of the boys were mimicking me praying (since I hoped that by looking like I was praying, since we were, they would catch on), so I told them--"I talk (to) God; I love God." I hope that God will use the seeds that were planted this week to show them His love and to know that God wants to have a relationship with them.

Two girls, Anya and Marina, were prayed for one morning. As we found out later, those two wanted to pray and become Christians. Praise God! :) Keep them in your prayers, as they begin this new life in Christ, and that they will stay connected to the local church.

On Tuesday we celebrated Nadine's 20th birthday with pizza and ice cream. Tiffany and I went on a quest for a pizza place with Andriy, finally finding one, and then bought the fixings for ice cream sundaes. We had the Ukrainian leaders in on the surprise as well--Vica even talked about the plan in front of Nadine, without her knowing what was being said (of course, it was in Russian!).

Last week we went sightseeing to the Oak Grove park with Max, one of the local guys that knows English. He came to one or two of the days of camp, and I was able to try and answer some of his questions about Jesus, like why doesn't Jesus come back now, and show himself to more people... I let him know I didn't have all the answers, and so I hope that he will find out that crawling into the lap of Jesus won't take away the questions, but it will provide peace and security.

On the evening of the last day of camp, the parents and other family members were invited to come to the church to see the kids sing their songs and recite their verses. There were about 15-20 mothers and other family members there, and as the kids watched the slideshow and shared what they had learned, there was so much energy and excitement in the room. It was great to see some of the kids at church on Sunday morning, and I hope that they continue to come as the weeks continue.

Tomorrow we are traveling to Gorodkivka, which is just outside of Vapnyarka. There we will be working with Pastor Oleg, and I think we will be doing a sort of VBS with local kids. Please keep us in your prayers as we travel and work with kids. Also be in prayer for the kids of the community and for their families. This is our last assignment before we leave for the States, as well.

update #5 -- Zaporozhe!

2008-07-06T16:35:00.000-04:00

Hello from Zaporozhe, Ukraine! Or maybe I should say “Howdy, ya’ll!”
This past week we have been preparing for this week’s day camp/VBS. It has been a week of building relationships with the kids here, by playing basketball or other games with them, and just trying to talk to them. The VBS theme for this week is Tumbleweed Gulch…sound familiar? I know, it makes me laugh (last summer on YIM my team helped with 2 Tumbleweed Gulch VBS’s).

The kids…
There have been maybe 8-10 different kids here throughout the week as we have been here. Some of them include 7 year old Vladik, Rustan, Roma, Katya, and Nastiya. Vladik is my little buddy, it seems. After a couple days of playing basketball or hot potato or just kicking around a soccer ball with the kids, I brought out my camera, and then allowed him to take photos as well. Now he keeps asking if he can watch the video Rustan made of playing basketball, or make a little video (“choot-choot” means little bit), so I let him. I think he’s also picked up saying the word “Okay”. :)

Last Sunday morning we met most of the kids. Andriy asked us if we would teach the Sunday school lesson this morning, and if it could be connect to his sermon on Hebrews 11, “Heroes of the Faith”. We did a lesson on Samuel anointing David, and involved a number of the children to represent David’s older brothers. Tiffany (another volunteer) and I donned paper beards and acted as Samuel and Jesse, and we all worked on paper props.

More connections…
Today (Ukrainian) teams from Kiev and Vinnytsia arrived to help with the camp, and there is another American team arriving soon. We met a local teen named Max who took us sightseeing in the Oak Grove park, and I think he will be helping with the camp as well. Ree, an NNU student, has joined our team as well, bringing us to a total of 5 (in addition to Vica, Tiffany, Nadine and I).

Sound familiar?...
Tumbleweed Gulch is a cowboy-themed VBS (it was the Nazarene curriculum last summer), so we have made cutouts of cacti, wagon wheels, animals, and cowboy boots. The neighborhood kids have also helped us decorate, which has been neat to work alongside them. We created a town backdrop out of cardboard—consisting of a hotel, general store, jail, and bank—that we got at a nearby warehouse. It was quite the adventure bringing the cardboard back to the church on TOP of Andriy’s car!

Today we discussed the daily schedule for the camp, practiced the song motions for tomorrow’s song (“God’s Love Changes Everything”, but I don’t know how to say that in Russian), and walked to the playground/schoolyard where the games will be held.

Prayer Requests….
*Pastor Andriy and the workers for the camp
*The children in the neighborhood, that they would come and that God would be working in their lives and draw them closer to Himself
*That we as a team would be well rested and that God would fill us with His love, so that we can share Him with the kids

Thanks for all your prayers, and I look forward to seeing what this week holds!

update #4 -- Kyiv!

2008-06-29T16:29:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

Today we arrived in Zaporozhe, where we will be for the next two weeks. Last week we spent "relaxing" in Kiev, doing some more sightseeing and resting, and we also had the opportunity to attend a wedding and visit with a Work and Witness team.

Ukrainian Wedding....
We traveled 5 hours to Vapnyarka with some folks from Kiev church for Pasha and Olga's wedding. Pastor Roma spoke, and there was the traditional exchange of rings and vows (following the pattern of western church weddings). Following the ceremony was a reception, where we were able to visit with various pastors we've already met and/or worked with, and we enjoyed good food as well.
On the way back we stopped at a halfway house for men who have just been released from prison, and they gave us a tour of the building. After that, once it got dark, was when the adventures began. Somewhere about 11pm (2 hours from Kiev), we ran over a wedge used to keep semi trucks from rolling. It punctured the fuel line, and the oil, and a few other things (I honestly couldn't tell you details) as it tumbled beneath the van. So we were stuck there for a good 2 hours, waiting for a ride back to Kiev. We finally arrived back at our apartment at 4am, safely. Looking back now, we can see that God had his hand of protection upon us, as the situation could have been much worse.

More siteseeing...
Nadine and I navigated through downtown Kyiv on our own, discovering the Kyiv Dynamo football/soccer stadium, as well as underground malls. One really neat thing was the distance marker, where we saw how many kilometers away various world cities are. On Friday, we also revisited the Caves Monastery and the War Memorial with the Susanville team, which provide a window into understanding the Ukrainian people and their way of life.

Susanville Work and Witness team...
It was great to join the Susanville team on their last day here, and we also met a couple that had graduated from Point Loma Nazarene University--they ended up joining us for most of the day of siteseeing.
In the evening, we all joined in to load a truck with banana boxes to send to Chernivtsi. I was able to see the banana box ministry nearly all the way through to the end. At home, churches on my district pack banana boxes of clothes to ship overseas where there is need. The other night, I saw banana boxes prepared to ship within the country, to an area where I have been. These boxes were going to go to Vera and her ministry with special needs children, so I had a connection and a relationship with the boxes' final destination.

Zaporozhe...
This week we will be preparing for next week's children's day camp. Tomorrow we are preparing flyers and inventorying craft supplies. Next week the children will come to the church from about 9am-3pm, and we will be joined by other leaders. Please keep these two weeks in your prayers, as well as us, the other workers, and the children and families that I hope will be touched by Christ's love. Pray also for any traveling we will be doing.

I must get going now, but thank you again for all your prayers!

update #3 -- Tulchin!

2008-06-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

Hi friends and family,

Nadine and I have just returned from a week in Tulchin, where we spent the week with Victor and Olga N. and their 3 boys. Three of the mornings we were there we held Kids' Club type activities with some neighborhood children, and also spent a lot of time playing with Victor and Olga's 2 and a half year old sons Elijah and Benjamin.

Spending time with the neighborhood children...
Each morning Victor invited them over, and we had about 3-4 different children come. With the help of Vica, our translator, we sang songs, played games, told a Bible story, and had a snack with these kids who were about 10-12 years old. It was also great to have Victor involved, and on the first day two people came from church to help with music--definitely a blessing as we don't know any songs in Russian! Keep these kids in your prayers: Mira, Ina, Tanya, Dennis, and Valya.

Spending time with Victor and Olga and the kids, and their neighbors....
Nadine and I spent a lot of time with Elijah and Benjamin, playing with them, trying to keep them out of trouble. :) One afternoon, I went to where Benja seemed like he was going to climb over the fence, and tried to make sure he didn't. He ended up jabbering away to me in Russian, and I of course had NO idea what he was saying--I just matched my facial expressions to his, and added "Da" (yes) and "Opa" (wow) where it seemed appropriate. Later they told me he was telling me something about the flower that was going to eat me!
We also met their neighbor Mary and her two little children, who we visited with a few times. On Saturday, we went with Victor and the two boys to a river where people go whitewater rafting, for an afternoon of swimming and enjoying the beauty of God's creation. Today (Monday) Victor and Olga's newborn is about 3 weeks old, and we got to hold him every so often! :D

Spending time with the Tulchin church family....
On Saturday evening, Victor invited us to go to a small home group meeting just outside of town, where we met an extended family from the church. I enjoyed being able to talk with the people and see that we encouraged them through our presence and willingness to come and serve. Sunday morning we went to the church service, and though there were few gathered there, one of the congregants reminded us of Jesus saying, "Where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them." There may not always be great statistics in terms of a head count, but what counts is that Christ is here with us.

This week and next...
We are taking a few days of rest in Kyiv before we head out to Zaporozhe (southeastern Ukraine) for a children's day camp. There we will spend about a week building relationships with children and then inviting them to the week of camp. We will be joined by Ira, a children's worker at the Kyiv church, and Tiffany, a volunteer at the Vapnyarka Children's Center, and most likely other children's workers. Before that, however, we will be attending Pasha and Olga's wedding in Vapnyarka on Wednesday!

Prayer requests...
Victor, Olga, and their family
the kids we met in Tulchin and the people of the Tulchin church
Pastor Andrei and Marina of Zaporozhe and the ministry that we will be part of next week
traveling safety

Thanks again for your prayers and messages--I always enjoy hearing from you!

update #2 from Chernivtsi, Ukraine!

2008-06-14T15:17:00.002-04:00

Hello from Chernivtsi/Chernovtsy/however you want to transliterate it, about 8 hours from Kyiv, Ukraine! We have been here for most of this week, having arrived by train on Wednesday morning.

Our week began with a visit to Vinnitsya (sp?), where we toured the House of James (children’s home) and men’s and women’s rehab centers. At House of James, you could see that the children were loved and cared for, and at the rehab centers, the leaders were helping others to escape a lifestyle of addiction and enter into a new life with Christ. It reminded me of the following verses from 2 Corinthians: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.” God is at work here, through the love and guidance of people. (PS The men’s rehab center we visited was featured in the NMI reading book, “Eight Steps from the Edge of Hell”.)

When we arrived in Chernivtsi, we met with Vera, who has been leading children’s clubs for folks with disabilities. She actually recently spent some time in the hospital, due to something stress-related, so keep her in your prayers as she tries to do a lot for these kids. “Compassion is my lifestyle,” and is not just about feeling sorry for someone—it involves taking action—she said as she told us her story, and she is passionate about helping children and families of children with special needs. She would love to be able to visit with each family, but she can only do so much.
We visited Katya, an 18 year old with cerebral palsy, and her mom on Thursday and Friday. We went outside for a little while and played catch and blew bubbles together, and also were able to have tea together. Nadine and I also “sang” a song with our puppets, to a song for kids from Hillsong. Katya’s mom said that life has been difficult, because society is unfamiliar with those with special needs and does not always provide support. She really enjoyed just being able to talk to someone—she is thankful for Vera’s presence in her life as well. I pray that they were encouraged by our presence, and that God will continue to work in their lives. When we visited Sveta (who has Down syndrome), we taught her how to tie shoes, and practiced with her. We also played catch, and gave her a pink hairbrush of her very own, so that she would begin to do some more things on her own. Please keep these families in your prayers, as well as the Ukraine society as a whole, so that these individuals will one day become integrated into society.

Last night we went to a local children’s camp, and watched their final evening service, with skits and songs performed by various groups. It was good to meet some of the kids (despite the language barrier) and youth, and we also did our puppet song again.

Our traveling companions have been Victoria and Tiffany, and it has been great having them along. Victoria, 15, is our translator, and Tiffany is a volunteer at the Vapnyarka Children’s Center. We have done a lot of walking during our time here, and also visited the Chernovtsy university.

Next week (Sunday evening) we will be traveling by train and then bus to Tulchin, and we will be working with Victor and Olga (we’re likely to be working with children). Pray for our safety while traveling, and for the families and church in Tulchin. I’ve appreciated your prayers and emails so far—keep them coming! :)

In Christ,
Jessica

update #1 from Kiev, Ukraine

2008-06-07T15:24:00.001-04:00

Hello from Kiev, Ukraine!

This week Nadine and I have been settling in and getting acclimated to life in the capital city of Ukraine. We have visited many "touristy" places and have tried the Ukrainian dishes of vareneeky (dumplings) and borsch (soup). Also, we have spent a good bit of time with Cliff and Heike, our site coordinator and his wife, and enjoyed their company. Charly, our friend from Canada, has taken us on public transportation and has been a great friend this first week here. One aspect of life here that is definitely not seen in the States is the use of sidewalks for parking and even driving--whatever it takes to find a space or get where they need to go! We have been doing a lot of walking and so it has become important to watch out for cars even on the sidewalks. :)

Charly is a children's ministries director from Canada, and she was here this week leading a seminar in basic puppetry skills for the folks at the church. This was great because we learned how to make simple puppets and how to use puppets, a skill that may come in handy later this summer. We have also been able to meet people from this church and a couple other local Nazarene churches. Tomorrow (Sunday) we will be presenting a short skit and song ("Big House") with our puppets for the kids here at the Kiev church during Sunday school.

Please be praying for us as next week (Monday) we leave for ten days to Chernovtsy. While there, we will be working with disabled children. Also, be praying for us as we work to learn the language. We have a few basic phrases down, but still have a long way to go!

Anyway, I hope you have a great day, and thanks for your prayers and support!

In Christ,
Jessica

untitled

2008-05-21T16:02:00.003-04:00

Two thoughts....

1. "It's okay, you can trust me."

2. Visiting your old middle school or high school is like trying to fit into a t-shirt you've outgrown. Try as you might, it won't be the same, and is kind of odd. It looks the same, and has stayed the same for the most part, but you've grown.

Saying Farewell

2008-05-14T20:16:00.002-04:00

This week is the last week of my junior year, and it brings many more goodbyes than in years past. I've been thinking a lot lately of how this year, this week, I will need to say goodbye to two of my professors (who are both of my advisors) as well as a number of my friends that are seniors.

Since December or so, I have tutored two middle school students. One is a space cadet, and the other can work fairly well on his own, but has a rough living situation. Really, I think that I have learned a little from them, and I hope that they of course have learned from me. Not only have I learned some more about teaching math, I have learned about students in general. No matter a child's living situation, no matter the circumstances, a child is still a child. A teen is still a teen. They have friends, interests, a family, and just aren't grown up yet. I can't expect them to think the way I do about math, or understand things right away. I trust that these two students have changed for the better after my work with them. I trust that Christ will be evident in me, and that everything will be for God's glory.

A family that I am very close to is moving very far away this summer, and who knows when I will see them again. They have been influential in my life both academically and personally. Through leadership in quizzing, I have learned skills often through "trial by fire", with little preparation. I have been able to share my organizational skills, as well as to encourage the youth when it seems like there is so much pressure. In classes, I have been challenged to work harder, because of knowing the professors outside of class. They have been willing to help me understand the material when it just isn't clicking or is completely over my head. Often I have been amused by observing their quirks as a family, especially that they both say "Ack!", and just who they are as people, as friends. I will definitely miss their 7 year old daughter, who loves American Girl, who is a lot of fun to be around. As we drew and wrote and played hangman on Sunday night, I thought about how that would be one of the last bits of quality time we would have together. I babysat her last fall, and we played in the sprinkler with the missionary kids, and I learned that I should be more careful about movie ratings and younger children, and how much activity and interaction with other kids is too much, and we went to the playground and the beach.

My friends that are seniors have been here the entire time I've been here, unlike the freshmen and sophomores that have come partway through my time at ENC. I don't know when I'll see many of them again, but there is always Homecoming, or Facebook, or visiting them in the area.

Everyone has to say goodbyes at some point: to people, to ideas, to dreams. We have pretty much said goodbye to the idea of gas for under $3, as troublesome as that is. We say goodbye to people as they move out of our lives, never to be seen again or rarely to be seen again. We say goodbye to dreams as new ones appear, as old ones are dashed, as old ones morph into new ones. Through it all, God is faithful and has a plan for our lives. God's plan brings together many elements, in a way that is beneficial to all, and in a way that is what God has in mind for creation.

Departures and separations are often no fun at all. But I hope that God uses changes in my life to help me grow, and to allow Him to work in my life and make me the woman He has called me to be.

YIM fundraising update

2008-04-29T17:58:00.003-04:00

I am now over the $3,000 hurdle!!! (I need to raise $3819.50, which includes my airfare to and from El Paso for Training/Reentry camps, as well as everything for the summer.)

As of last week, I had needed $999.50 more. Today $200 was added to my account, and apparently someone else is going to add $500 more (I think), and $200 is also going to come from my district NMI council. That means, assuming that it does end up being $500, I will only need $99.50 more!!!! That's not even counting anything from the senior class offering or speaking at Denton once I get home! YEAH!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." (Psalm 28:7)

I sing for joy at the work of Your hands

2008-04-13T14:20:00.004-04:00

Right now I am sitting in my room and I can hear a bird singing outside. Perhaps spring IS finally reaching the Boston area.

I was in Maryland Friday and Saturday for my district missions convention, and the weather was AMAZING! Sunny, upwards of 70 degrees, not much rain...and the grass was green and the trees were blossoming. It was also great to see friends from all places, whether they were teens that I've known from camp, people from my old church that I haven't seen in a good number of years, my own family, or missionaries that happen to know other people that I know.

I went to share some about my trip this summer to Ukraine, and that (at that time) I still needed to raise $2200. Bob (our missions president) gave me the chance to set up a display with photos/stories from last summer, as well as information about my trip this year and a place for people to leave contributions if they so desired.

Once I got back to ENC and started adding the checks along with what has already come in over the website, I saw that the balance was at $2,445, leaving me with only $1,355 to go! (That's not even counting the money from our YIM bake sale that I haven't deposited yet.) God is still providing! (Of course :). ) Next weekend I am going to Worcester, MA to share about last summer and also this summer, and the pastor at Denton, MD has asked me to come visit in May during their monthly missions luncheon. Man. It's like I'm on deputation/home assignment or something. :P

God's provision

2008-03-05T18:54:00.004-05:00

I just want to take a couple minutes and talk about how God's providing for my trip, in some somewhat-unexpected ways.

Last year, besides doing letters, I shared at my home church during the service, and also was invited to set up a display at district NMI convention and share during that. Also, my college church allocated a portion of their Faith Promise funds to another ENC YIM student and myself.

This year, I knew I had to trust God to provide for my trip. There was otherwise no way I could afford the trip along with gas money, car insurance payments, and a cell phone bill each month. So it became a matter of knowing that I was somehow going to go on this trip, but it was going to be totally God providing. I've sent out many letters, and a few emails, so now it's up to God.

Well, within the past couple weeks, I've definitely seen God providing, even if they are small bits at a time. (Hey, however God provides, that's fine with me!) A few people who I weren't expecting to contribute did, especially when I called one up specifically one day.

I hadn't thought that I'd be able to go to my NMI convention (being as I hadn't heard anything), but ran into my district president today quite by surprise. After talking with him for a little bit, we determined that I could do something similar this year--setting up a display and then sharing in front of everyone--because I had a way down there (and yes, I'd only miss one day of class, but whatever).

Then, tonight, was something really neat. I went over to Wolly to see one of my quizzers and get something from her (turned out to be a box of Thin Mints--yum!), and stopped to talk to a few other people. A woman that I have become acquainted with came up to me and asked, "How do you plan on financing your trip?" I told her, "Well, I hope that people will help me out." She replied, "My husband and I would like to contribute/help." They gave me $200!!!

Of the $3800 that my trip costs (that figure includes my airfare to and from Training and Reentry camps), God has provided--through the help of my friends--$485!! Yeah!

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)....Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

(In the Message translation....) Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.

"One of these things, is not like the other things, one of these things just doesn't belong..."

2008-01-31T17:48:00.001-05:00

I have just finished my two first days of classes for spring semester, and boy does it look like a crazy semester.

CLASSES....

MWF
9:05am Living Issues--required core class, relating to ethics and morality. This one should be no problem, and I'm looking forward to it. Severson's a good professor, and a couple of my friends are in the course.

11:30am Theology II. That's right, I'm in Theology II. Have I ever taken Theology I? Nope. Am I a religion major? Нет. (pronounced NYET, which is no in Russian). Am I looking at going into "the ministry"? Not exactly...though I'm not closing off the possibility.

That's where the title of this blog comes in: "One of these things is not like the other things, one of these things just doesn't belong, can you guess which thing is not like the other things, before I finish my song?" (old Sesame Street song)

I signed up for the course because I am attempting to have a religion minor (which, as it turns out, I won't finish) as a way to fill out my schedule for this year. I thought the course was an independent course, but it isn't quite that way. I think there's an article that the prof will give me from last semester, so I'm not terribly lost.

12:50pm Trigonometry. No problem here--in fact, it'll be a break after Theology II. Nadine's in this class, along with some more of my friends.

T/Th:
11am Differential Equations. So far so good. I just have to get used to Hammerstrom's way of teaching, as opposed to Lovett's. Plus, I haven't done any sort of calculus in a year, nor have I had Hammerstrom in a year.

4pm (Th). Developing Reading Skills in the Content Area. Andrew and I are the only undergrads in this course, but it's with Fiacco, so it won't be bad.

6pm (Tu until 2/19). Educ Assessment. I'll be glad when this 5-week sprint of a course is done! Whew! Lots of work to do in a small space of time. After this date, I'll be back down to 15 credits, and how nice that will be. :)

JOBS....
3 hours a week in CAS, editing papers, helping with math, and working on the stats.
2 hours a week tutoring students at Atlantic Middle.
2 hours a week tutoring a student in the library.
Babysitting as needed.

CHURCH INVOLVEMENT....
Finishing out the season of Bible quizzing with Wollaston
Potentially helping with the S. Weymouth youth group

MISSIONS INVOLVEMENT...
Preparing for my own trip to the Ukraine with Youth in Mission! Yeah!
Leading Advance Training for all the YIM students from ENC for this summer.

May 15....come soon....

Hands and Feet

2008-01-15T00:04:00.000-05:00

An image flashed across my TV screen
Another broken heart comes into view
I saw the pain and I turned my back
Why can't I do the things I want to?
I'm willing yet I'm so afraid
You give me strength
When I say

CHORUS:
I want to be your hands
I want to be your feet
I'll go where you send me
I'll go where you send me
And I'll try, yeah I'll try
To touch the world like
You touched my life
And I'll find my way
To be your hands

I've abandoned every selfish thought
I've surrendered every thing I've got
You can have everything I am
And perfect everything I'm not
I'm willing, I'm not afraid
You give me strength when I say

CHORUS

This is the last time I turned my back on you
From now on, I'll go so
Send me where You want me to
I finally have a mission
I promise I'll complete
I don't need excuses
When I am your hands and feet

How time flies...

2008-01-05T22:19:00.000-05:00

Four years ago, I returned from a trip to Nicaragua.

Three years ago, I was a senior in high school.

Two years ago, I was on my way to Belize and Guatemala.

One year ago, I was taking a J-term course called Human Exceptionalities, for working with special needs students.

Six months ago, I was in Mexico (this was the day Joel brought Angela back to us, we cleaned some of the Sunday School rooms, and we went door to door to evangelize!).

Six months from now, I will be somewhere in the Ukraine. Wow!

One year from now, I will begin my time as a student teacher somewhere in Quincy, MA.

uh oh...

2007-12-23T22:33:00.000-05:00

I am going to do my best to make sure this is NOT a rant, but rather as objective as possible...here goes.

Today my pastor preached on "The Man Who Saved Christmas"--Joseph. He talked about how Joseph's motivation was to take care of the Baby, no matter what.

However, I had a few problems with this sermon, based on the answers I seemed to get to the following questions...

1. What does this sermon tell me about how I am to live?
2. What does this sermon tell me about the nature of Christ?
3. What does this sermon tell me about the nature of Scriptures?

(in no particular order...)

He wondered aloud at how Joseph's friends might have responded to the situation. They might have said, "Do what the Bible says." First of all, it wasn't the Bible as we know it today--it would have been called the Torah, or the Scriptures. Minor detail. Moving right along... He said that in those times, the law called for the stoning to death of a woman who was found pregnant before her marriage--regardless of the father. Clearly Joseph did not have this done--he wanted to divorce her quietly, and not expose her to public disgrace.

Rev. pointed out that Joseph disobeyed the written word of God. He said that it is not always good to do exactly what the Bible says, but that we should look at the wording but also listen to the Spirit. We should also look for the character of God, and discern what God would really do.

I think you are treading some dangerous ground here...I agree that you shouldn't always take the literal interpretation as being the actual facts or what to do today, but sometimes things are symbolic, or later take on another dimension/meaning. What I am thinking about here is the collection of OT laws and the sacrificial system--once Christ came, they were fulfilled and now are reminders of many things: how God set the Jews apart from the nations around them, how God made a way for them to know where they stood with the divine, how God cared for them, etc. In other words, you use the Scripture to interpret itself.

But to say "it is not always good to do exactly what the Bible says"?!? The Bible may not say explicitly what to do, but God is speaking through it. Somebody may hear this, and then go ahead and use it for their own personal gain/benefit, claiming this as support for what they are doing. He did use a verse to support this, but did not explain how the verse supported this statement. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26). He did not clarify that "hate" is not hate as we might take it to mean, an intense disliking for someone, but that our love for family and loved ones should seem like hate, because it pales in comparison to our love for God. (That's the most common interpretation I've heard. Any other thoughts?)

I agree that we should listen to the Spirit, because otherwise, the words on the pages are simply ink and space. I agree that we should look for the character of God, because that is what comes through in the writing--not necessarily the human perspective.

In other parts of the sermon (taken from my notes):
We cannot live without unforgettable dreams. God has dreams.
Joseph took care of the baby, at all costs, like the Navajos (?) during WWII with their codes

Another quote from today's sermon caught me: "I think Joseph taught him all he knew about God." WAIT ONE SECOND! Jesus was God. I'm pretty sure Jesus knew himself. Actually, I'm 100% confident. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe Rev. meant that Joseph taught him, not necessarily that Joseph's teachings were all that Jesus knew. But if this was not what he meant--then what does it tell us about the nature of Christ? Was Jesus not divine until a certain point in his life? Were floodgates of knowledge opened when he was x years old? I am curious to know about Jesus's childhood, but that can wait till heaven. Jesus was fully divine and fully human, for all of his time on earth. I'm not sure how the math works out, but that's okay.

One of my issues with these sermons is that I don't get much out of them in terms of how I am to live. This sermon, however, gave me a little bit. That I should look for the character of God when I read the Bible.

I talked to him the other day, and he said it is tough to challenge everyone, because everyone is at different levels spiritually. I agree--I have seen that in terms of teaching math: not everyone is at the same level because some may not need as much to motivate them. However, there has got to be some way to preach so that everyone grows in some way. I think in education that's called multi-level instruction. Is that really possible in preaching? If God's hand is upon your sermon preparation, then I have to believe that God will speak in some way to every person, to some degree.

I'm trying, I'm really trying, to listen for the good, and listen for what God might be telling me. But it's really hard sometimes.

What are your thoughts?

cemetery wanderings

2007-12-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

This afternoon while I was waiting for my car to be serviced, I walked across the street to the cemetery and walked around. Seems as though that is a weird thing for people to do, but I like reading some of the inscriptions, and looking at the really old ones. I'm not creeped out very easily--like my teammates said one time, I'm like Braveheart.

Some interesting information I found:
~There were twins born in August in the 1800s sometime, and one died that October, and one in December--not even 6 months old!
~A lot of the epitaphs had to do with resting... "Sleeping sweetly", for example.
~I saw the phrase, "At eveningtime there will be light" which, as I've just learned, comes from Zechariah 14:7.

[I like the quote at the bottom of this: "How sweet it will be in that beautiful land. So free from all sorrow and pain: With songs on our lips and harps in our hands. To meet one another again."]

I inadvertently found the headstone for my great-great-grandparents: Thomas R Starr and R Hattie (Mellott) Starr. He was born in 1867, died in 1951. She lived between 1876 and 1938.

On another headstone for "Henrietta Elizabeth; wife of Stewart Matthews. Born Nov. 20, 1844, died May 4, 1904" also had Proverbs 31:28 on it. "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

classroom experience

2007-12-18T17:21:00.000-05:00

Substitute teaching is a lot like babysitting. The students already have a routine, and all you do is come in and make sure they are following that routine--doing their work.

Today I did 5th grade at my old elementary school--if my cousin had been there, she'd have been in my class. These students were more on task than the ones I had yesterday, and I also took many turns about the room. I also tried to use more nonverbal indications that I saw them goofing off and that they should get back on task (proximity and eye contact). It was "exciting" to see that work. However, I had about 5 students complain, "My stomach hurts" and wanting to go to the nurse. Only one really had a legitimate complain, and later went home. At the end of the day (after I had run out of nurse's slips, actually), the nurse told me to just be firm with them, and that they were simply doing it because I was the substitute.

I could also tell which students were the ones with special needs, not just by their academics or their attention span, but also by the way they interacted with others. One girl told me, almost in a Drew-Barrymore-type way, "You're nice." Made me smile on the inside.

It was both strange and fun to be on "the other side of the teacher's desk," by teaching at my old school. It was nice to see my teachers again, but at the same time, I was just catching up with everyone, and many of them remembered me. I did get some insights as to how MD schools work, differently than MA schools. I remember when I was a fifth grader, that we changed classes in 4th and 5th grades--but now the supervisor of curriculum and instruction is opposed to any departmentalization in elementary school. One of my fifth grade teachers thinks that not even sixth graders should change classes--they're not ready for it. This same teacher said to me, "You'll probably be back" (in terms of coming to the county to teach). I don't know about that....

The culture here is also different than what I've been used to in Quincy. Only one student (of the two schools so far) has made any indication of being a Patriots or Red Sox fan. Down here, there are more fans of Philadelphia Eagles, Baltimore Ravens, and various other teams. Yesterday, at one school's "Sports Day" for their "spirit week", I saw ONE Maine hockey jersey and nothing for sports teams from New York or Boston/New England. Bizarre.

this is a call

2007-12-16T20:09:00.000-05:00

Two days I returned "home" from college for Christmas break, with an intention of substitute teaching while QA schools were still in session. I figured it'd be a good way for me to get some teaching experience, and earn some money on the side. :)

On Saturday, I called the Central Call System to see if any jobs were available. The way Central Call works is that the automated system will list potential jobs for one's acceptance or rejection, and gives the teacher's name, grade, and time. There are set time periods where the system will call potential substitutes in the morning and evening.

Once I got back from church tonight, I made sure my phone's ringer was on, so that I would be ready for any calls from the system. Around 8pm, my phone rang, and the caller ID indicated that it was from the town where my Board of Education is. Putting aside my brother's math question for the time being, I answered the phone and paid close attention. I followed the steps of the automated recordings, and listened to the job listing at KES in 3rd grade. Knowing that the system also records whether or not you accept jobs, I chose to accept this job. Third graders are fun too. :D

After a little while, I began preparing for the next day--making my lunch (I've had enough caf food for awhile), and figuring out what I should take with me.

I couldn't help but notice the parallels in this situation to listening for God's call. We should be aware of when God might be calling us or speaking to us--which is really any time, not just a few hours out of the day. When He does call us, we should be ready to listen and obey, disregarding other concerns (even family-?). Because He has called us, we should be willing to accept that call, no matter what it is.

After that, we should prepare for whatever it is God has called us. It could be beginning to take the next steps, researching the scenario, or otherwise preparing and obeying.

Ukraine thoughts

2007-11-26T23:00:00.001-05:00

Going to the Ukraine, or even to my second YIM choice, Portugal, is going to be a lot different than anything I've ever experienced.

I speak English, Spanish, and a little bit of French--nothing related to Ukrainian or Russian that would even help me out a bit.....According to my mom, my doctor said that if I'm working with kids, they'll probably speak English. I am in no way counting on ANYTHING. haha.

I've never travelled over the Atlantic--my cross-cultural experiences have been with English or Spanish speakers for the most part, with maybe a little that one night I went to something at Quincy Chinese COTN....

Not to mention the process of raising money AND paying for other stuff too...like car insurance and a cell phone bill.

But you know, I figure, if God wants me to go on this trip, He will provide. He will work everything out. I just have to trust Him. These are easier said than done, of course. I'm going to try my hardest not to get ahead of myself in terms of planning for next summer (May and August), even though I've got some ideas about what to do. It may even mean sacrificing some things that I would really like to do.

Rob Bell: The Gods Aren't Angry Tour

2007-11-26T22:15:00.000-05:00

The following are some quotes and thoughts I had this past weekend, and I've bolded the ones I found significant....It was an AMAZING talk/lecture, and I can't wait for the DVD.
*Challenging in that I should look for ways to be an "agent of blessing," a minister of reconciliation in the world, in my very community (which is by and large a Christian bubble....that needs to change)
*Amusing...quotes
*Tidbits I had never heard before, or new (more dimensional) ways of looking at the same old Sunday School stories

"Cave husband goes on a hunt when he's not selling auto insurance"
"Watch how articulate I am"
bursting of life force, breath, etc.
forces she is totally dependent on, beyond her control
gave personalities to these life forces
Artemis = Greek goddess of hunting, and also protector of small animals (hahahaha)
Sumer: Nin-Kossi = goddess of beer-"like the Tigris and the Euphrates"

projections of human behavior--these forces are somewhere else, doing what they do, we react to their movements, and we need these forces on our side
offer sacrifices, high place (to go up), altars
tragic flaw in the concept: vicious cycle, vortex of anxiety:
if things went well, you offered more in your sacrifice
if things went poorly, you offered more to appease the gods
never quite know where you stood with the gods
examples of trying to keep gods appeased:
Baal: followers cut themselves to show how devoted they were--shed their own blood
"Sardis--known for their choirs" Kibbalah spring ritual
Molech: offered firstborn in the fire

"if you've ever been trapped in a hotel and Gideon got there first"

Abraham:
Sumerian gods are detached: but this divine Being was acting within human history and interacting within time
"to leave his father's household" meant to leave the worldview his father taught and how to navigate the forces out of his control
"a whole new tomorrow"
Sumerians: history is cyclical
this story insisted tomorrow is not an extension of today
be an "agent of blessing" to others--purpose is not to try and bless the gods: radical new idea
Sumerians worshiped the stars: "this God used the other gods as props!"
"Eventually father Abraham had many sons, and many sons had father Abraham..." :)
first mention of love in the Bible
"His greatness comes from his willingness to kill his son--flannelgraph that!"
why doesn't Abraham question it--it's as if it's a normal thing: gods demand what is most precious
story ends with God providing, not showing how great Abraham is
brand new day for Abraham: God telling him, "I don't operate like that"
not about humans providing for gods
trust, intimate relationship

Leviticus: "It's like a B-grade slasher movie--here's how to kill things and where to put the blood"
what to do with redemption
*animal/grain offerings: "Come near to God": idea of nearness to the divine was a new idea for humanity
*everything in its right place: word related to shalom
meal celebrates being at peace with the divine and with others--humans can know where they stand with the divine
*types of sacrifices
then the matter is over
dragging culture forward

people making gain off of guilt and fear of the masses: priests (Sadducees) got a cut of the sacrifices, and so they had a vested interest in that system, a system of violence
were connected to the Roman government, so it was an entire military-economic-religious system

Jesus:
"one greater than the Temple is here"
driving out the moneychangers: gesture to sear upon their conscience
living breathing sermon--this way is over
"Destroy this temple and I will rebuild it in 3 days"
identifies himself with the system (new way), to render old system obsolete, so they killed him
"put away your sword"--if He resorts to violence, has He offered anything new? [like nonviolent resistance: Gandhi]

cutting and suicide attempts of teens wanting acceptance
Masai elders: no way to reenter in relationship of community--man on edge of village
brokenness, suffering
do we bow down to some of the same forces that are never satisfied at all?

for Jews: wrestle with implications of Jesus being killed by the system
new day for all of humanity, not just one sect
writer of Hebrews: "culmination of the ages"
by ultimate sacrifice of himself
Colossians: made peace, reconciling all things through Jesus
eliminating human compulsion
not having to offer sacrifices anymore
"Jesus saves the goats and the chickens" (guy in Rwanda)

Psalm 50-blood unneeded
Micah-blood doesn't please God
Hebrews-impossible
blood was for your conscience, human need
sacrifice--matter is done
ritual would help you go through the experience, with a God you can be at peace with
centers you, reawakens you to reconciliation of all things
not going to church: why do you go? to ease God anxiety? wronged some Being?

peace that has already been made
shouldn't pile you with more obligations
put him back together, so he can bring reconciliation

our sacrifice to please God: serve others
Romans 12:1--put flesh and blood on this reconciliation

and my FAVORITE part, the BEST part...
"You don't have to live like this anymore. You don't have to live like this...."
girl who cuts: "You don't embarrass me"
Jesus' exact words: "I don't remember."
He leaned down and kissed her crooked mouth, and said, "I like it."
"No one has ever trusted me like this before."
minivan full of groceries
giving the house to the single mom

a sneaking suspicion....

2007-10-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

Thoughts after reading Oswald Chambers for Thursday:
I'd like to make an impact on these youth, but more importantly, I want Christ to be in their lives. Doesn't matter what I do.
It's not about what I do or how well I can connect with people. What's important is that I am giving them opportunities to encounter Christ and His love, and that I am someone God could use. The rest is up to Him.
It's not important what I can do for or with youth/people I minister to. It's important that I am following Christ, that I am encountering His grace and love and learning His word. God will take it from there. That's all I have to be concerned with.

Then, chapel with Bob Skinner, missionary to the Ukraine:
"Ok, God, you want football? I want You."
"Send me!" --he said yes to where God was sending him
God needs to know we want Him more than anything else in this world

My devotional for today was titled, "The Method of Missions" (also Oswald Chambers).
"Yet you cannot make disciples unless you are a disciple yourself."
" 'Don't rejoice in successful service--the great secret of joy is that you have the right relationship with Me' " (in essence what Jesus said, Luke 10:17-20)
"His one and only purpose is to disciple men and women to Jesus."
challenge to the missionary: Do we believe that Christ is able to do this? (Mt 9:28)

So what I'm thinking here is, is God trying to tell me something? i.e., is He calling me to be a missionary, get involved in ministry somehow for the rest of my life? Yeah, teaching middle schoolers (and doing it well) is a form of ministry/missions, and we are all called to reach out to those in our own communities, but could God be calling me to something bigger?

I don't want to overthink or underthink this, nor do I want to say something decisive too soon and face the possibility of going back on it.

little later....
I was working on my math homework, and the song Alive by Rebecca St James started playing on my iTunes. This line caught my attention: "It's only when I let go of what I want in this life." Could God maybe actually want me to do YIM next summer? I don't know. What I do know, is I need to take Adolescent Development next summer otherwise I don't graduate on time. Unless they'll let me walk the stage (is that the phrase) and take the course later. Cuz graduating with my class is pretty important to me. This just opens a whole new can of worms...

waltzing....matilda?

2007-10-20T00:08:00.001-04:00

Tonight was a fun night at the Homecoming Banquet. This is the first time during my college career that they've had a banquet type thing--well, last year they had something in the caf, but it was included with dinnertime. This time they had a dressy thing in the gym, "A night in Paris" (think Eiffel Towers and random lamp posts and lights all around). I wasn't too fond of the idea of going, and dressing up (mostly cuz I'm a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl whenever possible), but I borrowed a dress from Jen and ended up going.

It was a lot of fun to see people dressed up. I was a wallflower for the most part--and this night was the closest I've ever been to a school dance (I never went to high school Homecoming dances or prom). After a while, I lost track of my roommates (you would think that might be impossible), so I hung out with Lucas KP (one of my quizzers) and Jen. Lucas was looking quite dapper, dressed up, and with his shirt tucked in! Can it be? :)

After the coronation (which does seem somewhat overdone--let's show life picture slideshows and then put capes and crowns on two individuals, and let that be that), while people were leaving, Jen was trying to get rid of all the leftover food (she had worked for the catering). We kept telling people to take as much as they wanted--people left with napkinfuls and boxfuls of cookies and pocketfuls of carrots--just to have it gone. It was quite fun. (I, however, managed to walk out with NOTHING--somehow that slipped by Jen)

After a while, there were just a few of us non-SGA folk still around, and Jen started teaching us how to waltz. I won't remember tomorrow how to do it. First she showed us altogether, and then we all paired off. So yup, I danced with Justin and then Paul, and it was fun--I'm not 100% coordinated, but maybe with practice?

Yeah, Nazarenes don't dance. But this Nazarene did tonight. Haha.

many options

2007-10-10T21:00:00.000-04:00

So I have many options on where to go upon graduation. Here are just a few:

~teach in MD. ordinary/everyday option.
~teach in MD then go elsewhere
~Boston Teacher Residency (www.bpe.org/btr)
~teach in an international school in Bulgaria
~teach anywhere.
~WHO KNOWS!?!

whatever, God.

2007-10-10T20:04:00.000-04:00

You know, I must say I needed that reminder tonight....

Every week, on Wednesday nights, I try to go to Wolly's youth group, where a number of my quizzers are. It lets me see them again, and see how they interact with the others in the group, and see what they are being taught.

Tonight, I debated about going. You know, homework, studying for an exam, and just plain relaxing in my room for an hour and a half. Not to mention, I feel like I just sit there and don't make any major contributions to the group. With that in mind, why go? Will it make a difference to those teens if I go? Wouldn't I have the same effect on them if I just stayed in my room?

I chose to go. When I got there, they were playing Birds on a Perch, so I sat next to Michelle and watched the game (quite entertaining sometimes). We then watched Rich, a Nooma video, and discussed our wealth and blessedness, and how we are saved to bless others. It's not just about us holding onto our wealth (we truly are rich compared to the rest of the world. remember the YIM training camp poverty meal), but about us using what we have to bless others.

Ally shared a story about a missions trip she took to Orlando. The first day she was there, she tore her ACL (?) and could not participate in any of the projects. She was rather disgruntled that she had come all that way to make a difference, but had to lay in bed all day. (She did try to help out, but that just made the problem worse.) When she returned home, she got an email from one of the maintenence guys at the elementary school where her team helped. He told her she had been an "angel" and had just encouraged him (and probably a number of others) through her words, because that's what she had to offer.

It reminded me of this summer. We handed out flyers, we invited people to church, we invited kids to play basketball, we hung out with kids at the parks. Did we always see results right away? Not always, but sometimes, yes. Did we get frustrated, and not feel like doing whatever it was again? Yes.

But did God still use us? Yes. He encouraged the pastors. He gave us great friends in Mexico and El Paso. He brought kids in contact with the churches. He used us to encourage the congregations in music (whether we were singing Battle Hymn of the Republic or Tu Eres Mi Respirar), in our service (painting a Sunday School room), or in just hanging out with our friends in the youth group who will be the future leaders.

I may not teach in Wolly's youth group. I may not lead games. I may not be remembered by half the kids. But for the kids that I have met (Corrine, Wes, Abi, and my quizzers)--well, I just hope that God will use me however He wants, and I will remain available in whatever way. Whether that means I actually connect with the teens this year in a substantial way, or whether I teach the college age Sunday School class, or whether I can chaperone for a one day kids' missions event--whatever it is God has for me, I want to do, and not to have things my own way. "But, God! I really wanted to do this kids' missions event! And I have to travel HOME!?! WHY!?! This is a one-time thing.......I'm glad I went home."

I made a list, wrote down from A to Z
All the ways I thought that You could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense
I laid it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case, presented my defense
But then I read the letter that You sent me
It said that all You really want from me is just

Whatever, whatever You say
Whatever, I will obey
Whatever, Lord, have Your way
'Cause You are my God, whatever

So strike a match, set fire to the list
Of all my good intentions, all my preconceived ideas
I want to do Your will no matter what it is
Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh, Lord, give me the courage and the strength to do

(chorus)

I am not my own
I am Yours and Yours alone
You have bought me with Your blood
Lord, to You and You alone do I belong
And so whatever

(Steven Curtis Chapman, "Whatever")

the future

2007-09-22T23:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, so here's what I've been thinking lately. Anything I say here is still up in the air, because God might change me/my mind, and I've got one more year anyway.

I don't know that I'll stay in Massachusetts after I graduate. Real estate is high--that's one reason. But I think after 4 years, I'll have had my fill of the state. If I leave, I will definitely miss the people that have made this "home". My SACK family, my quizzing family (those that excitedly greet me after a summer apart, those that have helped me step up into leadership roles, those that have just laughed with-or at-me, those that have taught me by example, those that have made me step out of my comfort zone), my ENC family (professors that have helped me when I had questions, friends that I could talk to, my CAS workplace, various other members in the ENC community), and those that I have babysat for.

I don't know that I'll go back to Maryland. The Eastern Shore can be uninteresting at times. Plus I don't want to be there for the rest of my life. Yes, I have my family there, and I love them to death. Especially my brother, but come 2009, he'll be gone too. I would like to step into some leadership roles at my church, but I feel like I'm still the overgrown kid sometimes. I've thought about leading the youth group, or helping coordinate a missions trip (they have not done one since I was 16), but that is a lot.

Lately I've been thinking about moving to El Paso and teaching in the school district there. Yeah, it's really far away, but it became my home this summer. I could see my "family" there (Marco's family, Esme's family, the various missionaries, my friends in Mexico like Gedeon, Fabiola, etc) and I could probably be an encouragement to them. Plus, I would LOVE the weather there, and the fact that Spanish is so prevalent.

I was kind of offered a job to teach for a year or two in an international school in Bulgaria, but I would like to be in the States while I iron out the "new teacher" wrinkles for at least a year. I think it would be pretty cool to teach overseas, and travel.

Whether that means being a missionary, I don't know. I think it would be cool to be a missionary, to have adventures (though, after this summer, I know that it is not thrilling all the time. tedious at times) If that's what God has for me, excellent! If not, excellent too. Wherever God wants me, wherever God can use me, I'm alright with. I am in general excited about missions. Next weekend I am chaperoning for a kids' missions jamboree in Weymouth. I love meeting missionaries, and even staying in contact with a number of them.

This is what I wrote on the "Wall of Hope" at YIM training camp, for what my dreams are.
"to be all that God has for me. to do all that God has for me. obedience. trusting and not relying on 'my' strengths. to follow God. love others. LOVE GOD. to put God first in everything and not get distracted. to see where You are working and recognize it. to do whatever God has for me."

"secret vows"

2007-08-20T02:10:00.000-04:00

I transcribed the following from a Highway Video....it's a prayer by Animah Al-Attas, and I really liked it.

LEADER:
God
gracious, tender, merciful
delivering our eyes from tears
our feet from stumbling
loosing our bonds
protecting us with your strength
as you engage us
you do so bountifully
Us
simple
our own souls hiding from us
children of your servant girl
skin waiting for hope
hulled up behind doors
desperate for you to breathe on us
longing for you to re-spirit us
Forgive us
when we make vows to you in secret
and then work to forget them
while we impress the crowd

PEOPLE:
Let our yes be yes, our no be no

LEADER:
When we are disingenuine in our faith
loyal when it's convenient

PEOPLE:
We are sorry and we humbly repent

LEADER:
When we avoid slowing down

PEOPLE:
Hedge us in and still our souls

LEADER:
When we ignore your voice
inviting us to be foolish

PEOPLE:
Release our grip on the need to fit in
give us guts to follow you

LEADER:
Release also the grip of our eyes
fixed on the mirror
so in love with hating ourselves that we
cannot see beyond our foibles.
We choose to let you love us
turning from the glass
to face brothers and sisters in need

PEOPLE:
Hear our prayer.

LEADER:
We pray for those who would
rather take their own lives than
persist in the land of the living
crouch down and cup your ear to
their whispers

PEOPLE:
Hear our prayer

LEADER:
We pray for the third of our world ravaged
by war
how do we pray for a number like this?
blood
broken life
divorced conscience
darkened souls
dead hope
Holy spirit, in your wisdom

PEOPLE:
Teach us how to pray and move us to
respond

LEADER:
For those disillusioned with the rest of humanity
tired of loving the seemingly unolvable
teach us to lift the cup of salvation
to those we fail to understand
May we be generous with patience and love
in your patience

PEOPLE:
Hear our prayer

LEADER:
Jesus
standing outside of time
yet all the while invading it
in the psalms of David
in the cries of Isaiah
on the streets of Jerusalem
exploding history to tell us you love us
teaching us to love others
Us
trapped in analysis
we push thumbs into your bloody
hands
we stretch out our fists inside the
wounds of your side
we see you moving
and believe
Spirit come
dress our souls
bathe our hearts
lift our eyes
with your breath

church notes (and then a tangent about church and YIM)

2007-08-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

Things that are in []'s are what I thought about as I listened, and if you have any thoughts on what was said, feel free to post them.

*Note: Later I go into a tangent about YIM, and door-to-do0r evangelism.

8/19/07

doctrine: eschatology

what happens after death for Christian?

New Testament teaches soul goes to heaven right away

Luke 23:42-43

Philippians 1:21-24

2 Cor 5:6-8

Acts 7:59-60

new body:

1 Cor 15:35-44

1 Thess 4:13-17

We do not long for immortality.

Longing of hearts is resurrection--there's a difference.

[The way I see it, immortality means you just keep on living, uninterrupted. Resurrection is you get rid of your earthly body first--by dying--and then get a new one, and then continue living.]

Matthew 22:31-33--Abraham, Isaac, Jacob were living

Hades=realm of the dead (Greek, generic term)

"intermediate state" [not to be confused with purgatory]

gehenna=full realm of torment

[seems that gehenna is just a more specific part of Hades. And if your version of the Bible says hell, then that's not necessarily close to the original. I sure hope what I just said is correct.]

Jesus descended into Hades--but thief was also with him that day in paradise

[if Revelation is Jewish literature of the oppressed (like African American spirituals), and should not be taken literally, but rather symbolically in this genre, what about chapter 20 and onward? How should we interpret the passages about a new heaven and a new earth? Should those be interpreted within that genre as well, and not as they've been commonly interpreted?]

It won't say, "Joe Doe, Nazarene or Baptist." It'll say "Joe Doe, Christian, believer" [emphasizing cognitive action, rather than "Follower of Christ"? I don't know. but that IS Biblical, so I'll leave that alone.]

[my thoughts about hell are the following: I know that I am going to be with Jesus, so details are not really my concern. Why bother trying to figure out what hell will be like, since I don't plan on going there? I don't agree with scaring people into Jesus's arms, or having "fire insurance". But whatever/wherever it is, my thoughts are that it's a place of suffering apart from God's love, apart from God's plan, apart from the Kingdom of God. I don't know that I could explain those concepts, or what they would be like, exactly, because it would probably take a while.]

Where was Jesus between His death and resurrection? He was in paradise, in the abode of God.

1 Peter 3:18-20: Pastor focused on the mention of baptism in here.
[Water seems to, so I hear, represent chaos in Scripture. "And the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Then God brought order of the chaos (doesn't matter if you believe evolution was the mechanism, or seven-day creation. It was God. Somehow). Noah and his family were delivered from the chaos of the waters/sin in the world that had caused chaos and disrupted God's movements by an ark that was above the waters. Jonah was swallowed by a large fish/whale/something that rescued him from the water, from drowning. But this water could also represent the chaos that his life was going to be if he kept running away from that which God had called him. Jesus walked on the water, and calmed the storm. He had dominion over water, over the chaos that is in our lives.]

Revelation is battle between Heaven and hell, and God wins.

[there is a theme of hope within it. even if you take it as literature of the oppressed.]

life in the intermediate state

it's in the spirit, may be given a body

2 Cor 5:1-4 ["not built by human hands"--probably not built with human materials, either]

Greek thought: Spirit
Hebrew thought: Body

Luke 9:28-32 (Transfiguration)
[how in the world did they recognize them without any record of their appearance?!?! guess it's a matter of recognizing their spirit, their essence (and I'm trying to say that without getting into any connotation of new-age stuff)]

[what does this stuff really mean for us right now?]

in prayer: "Thank you that we'll be going to heaven...." [something like that. But what does this mean for us reaching out to others, how do we put this into action? I refuse to accept simply that Christians go to heaven, everybody else goes to hell. What do we do, Rev. McDonald? What is our responsibility in the world, with this in mind? I am not asking because I don't know, I am asking because I want to hear from you.]

[One of my beefs with these sermons/studies is that I end up frustrated during the sermons. Here's what I wrote this morning:

"What does this mean for my life? How does it tell me to live in this world? How does it help me to love God and love others? This doesn't seem to beteaching Scripture. {and by that, I mean, he doesn't necessarily continue going back to Scripture thru his sermon. Today it was on "Who are the heroes and models in your life?", and he simply talked about those in his life. What the heck.} How does it teach me to grow closer to Christ?"

I refuse to leave the church on the basis of these sermons that I don't like (don't get me wrong, they are put together well and are interesting to listen to. The trouble is what I just wrote a few sentences ago, that is how I feel a lot. I probably should talk to him). I am committed to this church, I am a member, and I want to do as much as I can while I'm home to help out and encourage. This is reminding me of this summer. Cuz right now, I want to get in some sort of leadership position, so I can *really* change something, and have authority. But see, the thing is, I am home for maybe 10-15 weekends out of the year {in 2007, I'll have been in MD 11 Sundays}, and cannot establish myself for such a short time. And I think that I am not doing much. But I guess my going on a YIM trip can be encouraging to people.]

Some more of a tangent....

I can also speak out more, and get involved where possible, and encourage others to reach out. We talked about evangelism in Sunday School, and how one person we know is very bold in handing out copies of the Bible. Being bold enough to be willing to hand out Scripture like that, especially in our culture, is a big thing. But my style is definitely to be more personal, build a relationship.

If I go back to Juarez, and am asked to do door to door evangelism, I will maybe say something along the following lines, "I do not speak much Spanish, but I will try and talk to others. I will try, and do it as if I am doing it for Jesus." I probably won't be able to understand what the people are saying to me--but before heading out, I could pray for understanding, and when I meet the people, to ask them to speak slowly and clearly for me. And you know, God just might answer that request. I'm willing to give it a try. I want to ask them their names, and how many kids they have, and what they do for work, and THAT'S building a relationship. Easy questions. AND I can share about myself (ok, but not in a vain way. you know.)!

I'm ready to have another try. I'll try it.

I'm not sure if I was just writing that about door to door evangelism en espanol, or if I was writing it about doing YIM again. Cuz I am considering it for next summer. I know that if I return to El Paso, I will have both familiar and new faces. The sad/cool thing is that I will see familiar places, and laugh at memories, and remember fondly my times there.

If God wants me to do YIM again, I'll do it. I'm open to whatever He's got for me.

I need to write to Gedeon. He gave us his address, and I don't want to leave him hanging.

I'm really glad I got one of these reflection things out. I've been thinking I needed to write something out, and tada! here it is. I think that's all for now. Kbye.

one last YIM post

2007-07-25T20:36:00.000-04:00

Hello all,

Today is our last full day in El Paso. We are going to a local water park (which is actually on the border with New Mexico) with some of the youth from First church, some of the Tooley and Carney families, our friend Fabiola and her family from Juarez, and our friend Luis from Juarez.

VBS at Trinity Church went well. We had maybe 10 kids altogether, and I usually had 4 in my 7 and up age group. The first night I only had Allison and Krystal, and Krystal didn't want to do the motions for the songs. I tried to get her to do them, but she refused, so I relented as long as she sang. The next night, she was doing the motions. :D

Wednesday we volunteered at the Rescue Mission again, and it was nice to see familiar faces again, and to say hi to people that we remembered.

Thursday during the day we went to the Juarez Market with the Tooley family to buy souvenirs. As we drove around and I looked out the window, I tried to take it all in again. I'll definitely miss being there (I already do), even though being there was tough at times.

Friday morning we went to the little El Paso Zoo with the Tooleys and Sanchez family. That evening was our last night of VBS at Trinity, and boy were those kids wired.

On Saturday we spent some time with Pastor Charlie and his daughter Lanee, and Stephanie from Trinity Church. In the afternoon we went to Norlyn and Bobbie Brough's house. Norlyn and Bobbie had actually been missionaries in Nicaragua and Mexico too I think.

In the evening we went to the church softball games. Rachel and Angela played on the women's team, and scored two runs altogether. It was fun to watch the games and talk to our friends, since we hadn't been to any of their softball games. Betty told Rachel and Angela that we weren't leaving, that we had to stay and play softball (the
team isn't the greatest but they have fun). Afterwards, we went out to IHOP with Sara, Daniela, Esmeralda, and 3 of Esme's friends from school.

Sunday we attended service at Trinity Church. It had maybe 20 people there, including ourselves. There was a family of 3 there, and the daughter had been at VBS. I hear that her parents had been looking for someplace to go to church, and if that's the case, that's really cool that they came on Sunday. In the evening, we had the VBS closing, including the kids singing the songs, a brinca-brinca (moon bounce), facepainting, balloon animal-making, and food. When Barb (Charlie's wife) presented all the leaders with thank-you gifts, she said that we had really been a blessing and encouragement to them.

That evening the Tooley family presented our team with gifts, including sombreros for each of us. We have no choice but to wear them during our flights to Kansas City and home, because there's no way we can pack them. :D

Monday we went with Pastor Fred to the New Mexico district campground, Bonita Park. It is located near Ruidoso, NM, about 2 hours north of El Paso. It was awesome up there...we hiked, went swimming, and walked around the campground a bit. It was a lot different climate-wise from El Paso; I'd say it was 80 something degrees out,
and there were lots of pine trees, and we were in the mountains more. Pastor Fred took us to Bonito Lake, just around the corner, so we walked around there, took pictures, skipped rocks, and climbed on some of the rocks.

Tuesday Norlyn and Bobbie Brough took us to White Sands, NM, and the sand dunes that are there. We had a great time with them, sledding down the dunes and sometimes attempting to surf down them. At times it reminded me of the time I went sledding in Maine. :)

I will definitely miss being here, as these people and this place have become my home for the past two months. We have felt very welcome, and have felt the "Mi casa es su casa" hospitality.

Thank you again for your prayers and support. This trip was great, and slowly but surely I will process all that it has meant for me. :)

VBS frenzy!

2007-07-17T20:21:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

***this part typed July 15***
We have just finished a week of Tumbleweed Gulch Vacation Bible School at El Paso First, and this coming week we'll be doing the same theme at Trinity Church on the westside.

I worked as a "crew leader" for posse #3, grades 3-5, and led them to each of the stations every night. This was one of the larger groups, as we usually had upwards of 11 kids each night. I had two helpers from the church with me to help with crowd control. :) I remembered the first night how fun that age group is, since I had worked with that group at kids' camp for two summers. It reminded me of why I
became an Education major. :) Rachel led crafts, Angela led games, and Brandi worked with the 1st/2nd graders.

Thursday night was the toughest I think, because we had changed around the routine to allow more time for practicing the songs. This of course confused the kids (as well as the leaders!), and it was just one hectic night. However, more of my kids were actually doing the motions to the songs that night--I wasn't continually asking someone to do the motions or not mess around.

On Friday we had a special time to present to the families, where the kids sang their songs, said their verses, and had their crafts displayed. We also had food for them and facepainting and balloon animals.

We had a total of 58 kids last week (not all at the same time), and 35 helpers, Melissa said. This is a switch from when we had started with only 6 helpers, and that was just before Monday.

Saturday we went to Trinity Church and helped decorate for their VBS, which is this week. I think we'll probably have the same roles there as we did at First Church. This afternoon we decorated some more. There are some awesome "barn doors" (to the sanctuary), fake barbed wire along the walls, and a corral around the stage.

***typed July 17***
Last night was the first night of Trinity's VBS, and there were only 7 or 8 kids there, all of them already involved in the church. I had two girls in my group, Allison and Krystal, both age 7 and they were the oldest ones there. The leaders at the church were very enthusiastic, getting the kids to "yee-haw" at various times.

We will continue with this VBS the rest of the week, and hopefully more kids will come.

It is sad to think that we have only 9 more days here, but I want to make the most of our time, especially with VBS, the families/teens we've met, working at the Rescue Mission, etc.

Prayer Requests
~health/safety
~VBS at Trinity Church: that kids that are not already "churched" will come, that we will have the right time/right place/right person and right words to lead people to Christ, that we will reflect God's love
~Joel Tooley's mom Dee is in the hospital in Mississippi, and she could very much use prayer

That's about all I can think of for right now. Thanks again for all your support and prayers, and I will see you in August/September!

update #3 YIM I think

2007-07-09T20:15:00.001-04:00

Saludos a todos!
(Greetings to all!)

Today is my first week back in El Paso after a week in Juarez. It has been a while since I've updated you all, so I'm not sure what I have and have not said.

I think when I last wrote, we were in Juarez for two weeks. The second week we were there, we had gotten to know more of the youth from Cuarta Iglesia (4th church), including Fabiola and many others. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday we helped with VBS at the Peniel mission where we had gone door to door. The funny thing is that our team became translators for the Work and Witness team from Denver. It was great to see the kids from the community again, for three days, and continue those relationships with the kids we had seen before.

The following week we returned to El Paso to help with the basketball camp. These were the original dates, except that they weren't the correct dates. We still had about 20 kids show up, which was great. We helped with the younger kids, teaching basic skills of dribbling, passing, and shooting. And if you know me, you know I'm not usually athletic. Mike (our site coordinator) had me lead a couple days, and a few times we just had the kids do whatever they wanted when they got tired of basketball (whether it was coloring, frisbee, or Uno). Pastors Fred and Marco also did devotions at the end of the morning. One night, I realized that I needed to be more extroverted to get to know these kids, and to ask them their names. I knew that I couldn't do that on my own, or with whatever energy I had, and so I definitely
relied on God for that. With the basketball camp, it was about encouraging the kids in their efforts and simply being their friend. That will probably go for Vacation Bible School these next two weeks as well.

Last Saturday we decorated the El Paso First Church for the Tumbleweed Gulch (think old western theme) VBS. We made a splendid fence out of brown poster paper and markers. We had a few people from the church with us, including 13 year old Amanda. It was awesome having her there, because Mike says it's tough to get her to come to things other than Sunday mornings. She and I made a pretty amazing cactus out of
this brown tubing and paint and tissue paper.

Our team also did some canvassing around the neighborhood, including some follow-up with families that had come to the previous basketball camp. Yet again, we're just connecting with people in the community.

We did attempt a movie night, and invited some people from the community to come see Facing the Giants. We really didn't put out much effort, and planned it at the last minute, so maybe it's not surprising that we and Marco's family were the only ones watching it.

Last week we were in Juarez again at Tercera Iglesia (3rd church), with Gedeon and his family. The first night we were there, they wanted us to go into the community and do evangelism door to door. We ended up just handing out these tracts to people, including some kids at a playground. That night we went with Fernando, who is Nayeli's dad, and on Thursday night we went with Jonatan, one of the youth who is in seminary. We were frustrated because all we could really do was recite our spiel. However, it was awesome to hear that on Saturday night and Sunday morning that about 3 girls came to the services because of our going into the community. I know many of you hear of missions trips where hundreds/thousands come to faith in Jesus because
of the JESUS FILM! but we are content to simply see small steps like this for the churches here. Now it's up to the congregations to continue reaching out to the communities.

When we were with the youth back in Juarez, we actually went to an alberca (pool/park) with them as they had an "esgrima" competition. The awesome thing is that we saw two rounds of Bible quizzing, and I was able to help keep score (despite the language barrier).

Many of you heard me say before the trip that I was looking forward to using my Spanish. But having spent three weeks in Juarez, I recognize Spanish as simply being a tool in communicating wtih people. If you are curious as to how we are doing with Spanish, I know that words are coming back to me from the book learning I had in high school. Being able to learn words in context, whether it is by pointing to something and asking, or continual reference to something, or by looking at things in S-Mart, is helpful as well.

These next two weeks we will be helping with two VBS's at the two churches in El Paso. After that we have a few days before we head back to Kansas City. It is strange to think that our time here is almost at an end, as some days seem slow. But once you plan out the weeks, it seems a lot shorter.

I almost forgot! We have had quite the health adventures here. If you have been praying for our health, thank you because we have not died. For about a week, one of our teammates had a rash on her face. When she went to the dermatologist, she found out that she was allergic to mango skin, as it is very similar to poison ivy. Who
would have thought she would have mangoface? Another teammate had, as she calls it, dysentery (which it was not at all) and became moderately dehydrated. She stayed in El Paso for a few days recuperating while we were in Juarez. It was good to have her back after a few days!

Prayer Requests
~VBS: for the leaders (including ourselves), the kids that come, the parents, and the church here to connect with the community
~Health/safety
~the Nazarene Border Initiative leaders Joel and Barry, and the work they want to do here
~Our site coordinator Mike S

Thanks again for your support and prayers,
Jessica

hola de Juarez

2007-06-22T20:13:00.000-04:00

Hello all,

We are finishing up our second week in Juarez, Mexico, and will be returning soon to El Paso. Now to most of you, this schedule looks the same as what it was last week. However, our plans have changed so many times that it would not be worth it to describe all the changes. For instance, at one point we were going to go to Las Palomas, and help there. Rest assured though, we are learning to be flexible and not to have any expectations. It reminds me of when I was in Belize and Wassim kept asking Doc about what our destination would be like--finally Doc responded, "WASSIM! You'll find out when we get there!" :)

The first few days here were rough, as we were trying to settle into some sort of routine. We had no translator, knew nobody outside Pastor Richard's family, and we were the only English speakers. However, the families here have helped us to feel at home, preparing us meals, taking us where we needed to go, and introducing us to others. Benjamin was one of the first people we met, and he and Suri came with us to the mission these two weeks.

We helped at a mission just outside of the city, called Peniel. We invited families to church and to VBS, as well as a game day we had with the neighborhood kids. We played games, shared a Bible story, colored pictures, and did face painting. This was a great time to build relationships with some of the kids, because we later saw them at VBS. The day before VBS started, we worked to clear gravel and sand out of one of the rooms and moved it to make a sort of stage in the mission.

Benjamin became one of our good friends, and it was sad to see him leave earlier this week. He was our Spanish-to-Spanish translator, looking out for us, and he helped us meet more of the youth from the church. These people have become our friends, and we have talked with them and done lots of fun activities.

We are a forerunning group for the Nazarene Border Initiative, and its goal is to allow the Mexican church's leaders to decide what to do in their communities. Rather than the American teams coming in with a plan, the Mexican church can place us wherever they wish, and not be told what to do in their community.

We helped a group from Denver First Church in doing VBS at Peniel this week. One woman from the group, Angela, told us that on Tuesday she was worried that there would be no translator available at Peniel, and in the midst of her stress, she finally remembered to pray and trust God to provide. God used us to meet that need! There were many children at VBS, upwards of 30 I'm sure.

As well as we know now, tonight we will be working with the youth of this church to go door to door in the neighborhood, and invite people to church. We will be spending the night at Fabiola's before going to a sort of water park with them as well.

Next week there was supposed to be a basketball camp in El Paso, but at the last minute, Barry and Mikey found out that it was this week. They had 35 kids on the first day of the camp! We will be heading back to help out with however many kids show up for the original time, which will be interesting as we don't have many skills in basketball. :)

There are so many stories I want to share, but I don't have the time or space to share now. I'm sure you will be hearing many stories once I return. :)

Prayer Requests:
~this week's basketball camp, and the children and families that will come
~the Vacation Bible Schools that we will be helping with in July, I think
~Health, safety, energy each day
~Communication

Some advice of what NOT to do when there is a language barrier:
~Don't try to get money from an ATM. You may get 20 pesos ($2) instead of $20.
~Don't try to tell jokes or stories. They're not as funny.
~Don't pretend like you know more of the language than you do. It may be assumed that you are fluent.
~Don't say you like something, because it may be assumed that you cannot live without it.
~Don't assume that all words are similar between languages. For instance, "embarazada" does not mean embarrassed. It means "pregnant."
~Don't smile and nod every time you are asked something.

here I am, in El Paso

2007-06-10T20:12:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

This email is going to be rather long, but chock-full of info. Here goes. It may be abbreviated for the sake of time and space. I'll elaborate later.

Training Camp:
~Very intense and they kept us busy doing team building activities, attending workshops, sitting in and participating in various chapels/discussions, being part of a family group (my team plus 2 Guatemala teams), Poverty meal.
~Our team gets along very well and we have a lot of fun in addition to doing our ministry.

Sunday the 3rd:
~Arrived in El Paso after a delayed flight (we ended up just jumping onto another one in the nick of time)
~driving around, getting to know the area
~eating lunch with Marco the Spanish pastor
~ate dinner at a Sonic, which are NOT back east. :)
~Mikey had a "surprise" for us, which was to take us to an overlook once it was dark. It was really awesome to look out over the city, with all the lights, and think that there was at least one person for every light out there. Also, to think about our upcoming ministry and what we would be doing (which we still didn't really know too much at that point).

Monday the 4th:
~We went to a park and played games (kicked around a soccer ball) with some kids, Alex and Annabelle.
~Inventoried the kitchen, so when the Oklahoma W&W group comes, they will know what they need to bring.
~We've been doing a lot of brainstorming about how to get the church's name out there, and to meet people where they are and to begin building relationships with them. It's tough work, slow going, really. I felt like I didn't have any real ideas because I don't know this community, and by the time I get to know it, we'll leave. We also have been trying to publicize a free basketball camp at the end of this month, as well as VBS, by going door-to-door, which is very in-your-face and I'm definitely not fond of that method. But it's what the church is using, as well as talking to families in the park.
~PS: Mom, there is really not a dormitory on the premises of El Paso First Church. We have one room, Mikey has his room, there is an office, and the rest of the top floor is completely empty. HOWEVER, a Work and Witness team will be working on that, for use with the Border Initiative.

Tuesday the 5th:
~Went over into Juarez to meet with Eliseo the DS of that area, and plan what we will be doing next week and the week after. Basically, we're trying to get the Nazarene Border Initiative going again (for more info, you can check out nazarene.org or ask me later).
~This week and the week after, we will be working at a mission near Juarez, as well as doing community outreach at one or more of the 9 Nazarene churches in Juarez. We also will help with a VBS, and we are not a work and witness team (that's not our focus this summer).
~Mike Direnzo pointed out that there is such a contrast between El Paso and Juarez, and I didn't really think about it till a few days later, and it's true. Juarez is definitely poorer. I haven't yet been hit with culture shock, but that will probably come next week or the week after.
~The language in this area is Spanglish, as evidenced by 4 year old Fabiola, Marco's daughter: "Mas higher!" In El Paso, it's mostly English, but in Juarez it will really be mostly Spanish!
~I have been learning to trust and rely on God, because in this new environment, I don't really know all that I'm doing, I don't know the community, and certainly can't get through the days without asking God to work in the life of this city and to show us opportunities to take part in the movement of God (theosis?) here.
~Mikey took us on a hike up to Elephant Peak, in the Franklin Mtns State Park, and it was a lot of fun. The weather here is very dry, except for the VERY RARE rain, so the hike wasn't bad at all (unlike being back east). We could see pretty much all of El Paso and Juarez, and it was a spectacular view. We probably could even see New Mexico, for that matter.

Wednesday the 6th:
~discussed with Pastor Fred (who is actually from Lowell) his ideas for the church and this summer
~Went to another park to see if any kids were there, but they weren't, so we went to the library and got some books and a yoga video (hey, the key to missions is flexibility, says Joel T)
~It's tough being here and trying to help the church grow when we don't have any existing connections beyond the church in the community.
~However, we had an opportunity to help this 91 yr old woman, Isidra, who had come from Juarez trying to buy a motor scooter. She was walking down the sidewalk with her walker in the heat of the day. We ended up having Jaime, a neighbor, help drive her back since the woman that was at the address Isidra had knew nothing about the scooter.
~Attended the youth group and played some games with them like the Neighbor Game (which I had done with Impact), and volleyball for a while. I have been more athletic this past week than I have for maybe the past 2 years. :)

(Side thought: Sorry if this is unclear grammatically at times; I am just trying to get everything out)

Thursday the 7th:
~some more brainstorming and visiting parks
~Barry and Mikey had us wash a bunch of dishes to prepare for the Oklahoma group, and we really were not seeing the point, or if we were even making a dent in the number that needed to be done. We got to use a machine, and it was a good team bonding time as we laughed, trying to see the point. Now there are a number of clean dishes downstairs, and we know how to use the dishwasher. :)
~went around the neighborhood, door-to-door, to tell them about upcoming activities at the church. I feel like a telemarketer when I do that, but most people cheerfully accepted the flyer. As Mikey put it, whether they read it or not is a simple decision, and we aren't asking them to make a great big decision suddenly.
~Mikey compared El Paso to DC in this manner. El Paso is not Mexico, it's not really Texas, it's not New Mexico, and it's not really the US. It's its own place.

Friday the 8th:
~We got to serve breakfast and dinner at the El Paso Rescue Mission, a place that helps the homeless get back on their feet. I was able to talk to 3 people, just asking them their stories, and telling them a bit about myself, and just otherwise brightening their day as I served drinks and cereal. In the morning, as I was placing sugar on the trays for their cereal, I kept thinking of how I should look into "the face of the other," and not be caught up in my service that I forget the people right in front of me. Kind of like Mary and Martha in the Bible.
~We did Jazzercise with 4 women from the community....told you I was being athletic! :)
~Ate lunch with Marco the Spanish pastor and his family....yumm....we had milanesa and beans and rice and something else.
~Went to the t-ball park during a game and handed out flyers about the church's childrens' activities, and this group seemed very receptive, especially for a free sports activity.

Saturday the 9th:
~Just two days prior, we had brainstormed to have a fun and games day at the park for kids, with facepainting, balloon animal making (okay, just a sword, dog, or sombrero), and games and such. We ended up having about 15 kids show up that morning. I was excited to see this little girl that had been at the t-ball park the night before, because she had waved at me as I walked by her again. When she saw me on Saturday, she said, "I know you!" So cute. :)
~ate dinner at Barry and his wife Charlie's house....they are the USA/Canada Work and Witness coordinators....watched a movie....then returned to the electricity-free church (power outage)

Sunday (today)
~attended both Spanish and English services
~went to Fabiola's birthday party, and helped out with games and playing with the kids

What a week. I will definitely be sharing more later, in August.

This week and next I will be in Juarez.
The end of this month I will be here in El Paso, working with a basketball camp (I think), then we will go back to Juarez. For two weeks in July we will be doing VBS in El Paso....including the week of my birthday :). Then we will have a few days before returning to Kansas City!

Prayer requests:
~communication while we are in Juarez
~for God to work in the life of these cities and to enable us to step out of our comfort zones when we need to
~safety, health

Youth in Mission, here I come!

2007-05-27T20:09:00.000-04:00

To all:

This is the first of multiple emails I will be sending this summer to update you on my Youth in Mission trip. As most of you are aware, I will be heading to El Paso, Texas and Juarez, Mexico for almost two months for a missions trip (If you don't know where that is, it's in the western part of Texas that kind of pokes into New Mexico).

Here are the basics, as I knew in January, of what I'm doing. I heard that things can change at any time, so you'll hear later if this is not what I'm actually doing:
~Partner with a Latin American YIM team
~Facilitate evangelism training and outreach
~Involvement with compassionate ministries (I wonder if I will see any banana boxes, School Pal-Paks, or Crisis Care Kits!)
~Participate in Work and Witness projects
~Assisting in leadership training for Nazarene leaders in Mexico
~Train, coordinate, and lead a short-term missions trip for Latin American youth (Maximum Mission) in Mexico

After a flurry of emails between our team and our site coordinators, I can also share this with you:
"We want this time for you to be different than what you're used to - we want you to be stetched - spiritually, socially, emotionally - etc. You will gain new things this summer. You will sacrifice things this summer. We want to come into this totally open to something new from God.
You will be asked to share your testimony (your journey with God); you will be asked to lead church services; you will be asked to integrate with the Hispanic community; you will be asked to LEAD teenagers in a deeper spiritual journey with God; you will be asked to do things you're good at and to do things you've never done before. You will asked to do things that are very mundane. You will be asked to do things that don't have a lot of direction/explanation. You will be asked to experience your journey with God in a whole new way."

I fly out Tuesday to Kansas City for my week of training camp with all the other YIM students. We will then disperse on the 3rd for our various sites around the world! I will be keeping a journal (those of you from my Belize/Guatemala trip know how I journal!) and taking plenty of photographs, so that you can get a glimpse of my experience.

Great news: All of my trip funds have been raised, and I will even be reimbursed for my airfare to and from Kansas City! It was awesome to see God provide all my funds, even if it all happened at the last minute!

Prayer requests:
~safety in general, as well as during travel
~keeping us healthy
~for God to enable our team to reflect Him to the people there by the border
~working in the hearts of those at our site

I'm wicked excited to see what God holds this summer for me, and will keep you all posted throughout the summer (possibly with pictures too)! I will have internet access every so often, so emails/messages will be muchly appreciated. :)

Thank you to all have supported me and my trip over the past few months, whether it was through financial contributions, sharing ideas, or by simply praying for me. I appreciate your generosity and prayers, and can't wait to see what happens this summer!

"So right here and now I am all in
'Cause I'm letting go of everything I am
And I'm holding on to everything You are
I'm letting go of everything I once was
I'm all in
I'm fallin' into Your arms again" (by TobyMac)

current glimpses

2007-05-18T19:06:00.001-04:00

*~*
from Down by the River: "Marketing people learn that Mexicans believe the truth must be something bad, something constantly claimed by their government and therefore something very suspect." What does this mean in terms of ministry to them and sharing verses from the Bible, especially John 14:6 (Jesus is the way, truth, and life)?
*~*

*~*
I have this sense of sacredness in certain places, that where I am is holy ground, and to do anything but move and speak softly (or in some cases, to even enter) violates such sacredness. To name a few places, the New England Holocaust Memorial, some bedrooms, and old or empty churches. I felt like it was only proper to simply walk through the Holocaust Memorial silently, reading the information, and thinking about it. If I am ever in some family's house, and walk slightly into the parents' bedroom, I feel like I'm intruding. "Marriage should be honored by all." It's as though that's their space, and that's where the mystery of marriage is. Something like that. I visited the Trinity Church this past weekend (that's the one at Copley Square, right?), but only was in the foyer and downstairs in the bookstore. I couldn't help but want to tread softly, and speak softly if at all.
*~*

*~*
How can we alleviate the suffering of illegal immigrants? What are churches down there doing to help? What is the general church attitude? I'm pretty sure that "the least of these" includes those that the government refuses to help before they boot them out of the country.
*~*

*~*
Humanity is falling to pieces. We break each other and tear each other down. This brokenness is sin. Christ is the "glue" that will put us back together. Holiness, wholeness, comes when we allow Christ to put the broken pieces of our lives back together, when we can can help others put their broken lives back together. Whether it's relational or financial or personal, we're all broken in some way. We cannot be useful until we are whole again at the most basic levels (thank you Maslow).
*~*

*~*
As I've been learning about different situations, I cannot help but wonder, "What does this mean in terms of ministry? What can be done to fix this?"
*~*

What are your thoughts?

2007-05-04T01:34:00.000-04:00

Being a college student is fun. Most of the time.

I am 99% finished my 10 lesson plans for Ed Psych. All I have to do "tomorrow" is tweak one a bit, do some formatting, and then print it to hand in. After that, I'm done most of my work!

At about 1 am, I decided that I needed to get the oxygen moving in my body again, so I ran around the front lawn twice. Where else can you do crazy things like that except at college?

Next week before I take my finals, I have to do some Arts and Music papers, study for Linear, and study for Christian Tradition. Then I'm DONE!!!!

I can't wait for the end of the semester to really be here, because it means I will be moving out of the dorm and into the KP's house for the rest of the month. I won't have any homework to do, but will be able to read FUN books again! I'll put that reading list up shortly.

On May 29th, I will be heading to Kansas City for my YOUTH IN MISSION trip to Mexico!!!!!!!!! I honestly haven't had time to be excited, or at least I haven't allowed myself time, due to school stresses. Not to mention, I've been trying to practice my Spanish, work on figuring out how to raise the money for the trip (but that's all done now! Yay God! Thank you for providing for me!), and a whole host of other things. Maybe the rest of this month will be a nice time of relaxing and preparing!

Last weekend was quizzing Regionals, and the short summary of the weekend is this: crazy, intense, stressful, fun, and we stayed in a sketchy hotel. But that's another story for another blog.

It's almost 2 am. I need to go to bed! I'm a little loopy right now, in case you can't tell. At least I can sleep in tomorrow till who knows when.

(yes I know I just typed this blog after writing about 7 pages of a paper, but I really just needed to do SOMETHING before I went to bed. it's a really pointless entry, I'll admit.)

unity!

2007-03-30T18:50:00.000-04:00

Remember "one in heart and mind"?

Let's live it.

(from my favorite Christmas song)
O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

I don't quite get how two people in ministry type positions can have such a falling-out that neither really cares for the other anymore. It doesn't seem to be right, to be a role model but not be striving for unity within the leadership group. It doesn't seem fair that if one of those we are leading is struggling with the same kind of friendship issue but wants things to turn out well, they would have to see a broken role model. Yet humans are broken and fallen people. I know that is what causes that, but it just doesn't seem right.

I am very much like Jane Bennet in Pride & Prejudice, who wants to believe only good of those she knows. (Elizabeth speaking to Jane) "Oh! you are a great deal too apt, you know, to like people in general. You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable in your eyes. I never heard you speak ill of a human being in your life."
I see the good in others for the most part, ignoring their negative qualities, and still treating them as a decent person. It's not till someone points out the negative qualities and what they mean that I notice flaws in others. At this point, I still treat the person the same, but possibly with a bit of skepticism/curiousity in my thoughts.

festival of life weekend!

2007-03-26T21:56:00.000-04:00

This weekend was pretty much amazing, since it was Festival of Life and lots of people from my home district came to visit and do competition stuff.

I saw Erlene from Maine, but couldn't remember how I knew her at first. haha oh dear. That's what happens when all these people I know from different places invade campus at the same time.

I got to see Brian Hull, who's one of the major head people (how do you like that title?) of NYC '07. I talked to him some about YIM, and tried to put him in contact with Missa, who's going on the NYC team this summer. Plus I met Dave Curtiss, who was an excellent speaker. I liked the background into Judaism, and the way he talked about the kingdom of heaven reminded me of Brian McLaren's works. He talked about how Christ has saved us TO do something, not just FROM sin, and that we need to help mend a broken world.
"Jesus living isn't comfortable"
"Your good deeds are the very deeds that plant the trees of heaven."

Most of the high schoolers I didn't know, except for Kevin and Alex, and kind of a few others. So I felt like hanging out with the youth pastor types, especially since this year with quizzing I've basically been doing youth ministry. Someday I think it'd be cool to help coordinate stuff for something like FOL, behind the scenes.

Saturday I did a lot of hanging out with the Mosers since Melissa was coaching the (champion) math/sci quiz team....especially Maddox (age 3)
me: "Are you having fun, Maddox?"
him: (in a glum tone) "Yeah...."
I had him on my back during the worship service, and Melissa noticed that he was closing his eyes. Haha. Then when Dave C. got up to speak, and we were sitting down, Maddox wanted a piggyback ride again, but I told him no, not till after the service. He ended up going to his parents in the pew in front of us, with his lower lip in a pouty face. I guess I broke his heart or something. haha.

It was also super to have Leslie and Roger up too, since they're closer to my age. Leslie and I took the T into Boston on Saturday afternoon, and walked from Park Street to Quincy Market, and near the water a bit too. We bought sweatshirts that say "BOSTON" across the front, and wandered around a good bit, running into people from our district. We took random pictures too. :)

I got to talk to Pastor Kevin for a while, about what he thought about evolution vs. creation, and what he'd tell his kids, and some ENC/Olivet stuff. Mostly he was saying that we don't know what went on at the time of creation, and that God's still creating. He also likes Brian McLaren's synthesis of the Bible in The Story We Find Ourselves In. We talked about how my church is gung ho about missions abroad, but yet we don't do stuff in Chestertown. We shouldn't be thinking that the world is out to get us or whatever. It was really cool to hear that his kids learn about God from him and Joy, and that they have spiritual conversations about stuff. Like their 6 year old asking, "If God loves me so much, why do I have these allergies?" Also something that is cool is that he'll be the guest speaker at Regionals Quizzing! Hooray!

We got back from Boston just in time for me to run to the front of Wolly and help hand out medals. That was fun, and at one point, Brian Hancock just accumulated the extra medals around his neck, so I asked him, "Why do you have those?" Kevin answered, "What, you think he doesn't deserve them?" He gave them back later. :)

Saturday night after the service, I said goodbye to people, and then stood there a while with Jen S, Josh B, and Leslie. We figured out that I was the only one in the bunch not certified in First Aid/CPR, and Leslie was divvying up who would do which part of CPR to save me: "You do this, you do that, and I'll--I'm not doing mouth to mouth."

We ran into Bryan, with Coco the Furby. Oh man. That was crazy. Leslie, Josh, and I ended up hanging out with Sam, Roger, and Leif for quite a while (till about 1:30), as the guys played music (mostly Calibrett0 13 songs) and we took pictures and video for them. It was a LOT of fun.

Now, however, is crunch time, as I have a final project paper due next Wednesday, and I'm only about 20% of the way done. Not to mention, my research and plan took a crazy turn today.

my summer missions trip

2007-03-21T21:02:00.000-04:00

*adapted from a bulletin insert*

This summer I have the opportunity to travel to Juarez, Mexico for 8 weeks with Youth in Mission (YIM). I am pretty excited for this trip, but I would appreciate any support.

Ministry:
~Partner with a Latin American YIM team
~Facilitate evangelism training & outreach
~Involvement with compassionate ministries
~Participate in Work & Witness projects
~Assisting in leadership training for Nazarene leaders in Mexico
~Train, coordinate and lead a short-term missions trip for Latin American youth (Maximum Mission) in Mexico

Trip Dates: May 29 to July 29
Cost: $3,127.00 (plus airfare)

Prayer Needs:
~Preparing those on-site in Mexico
~Preparing our team for ministry
~Raising the needed support

If you would like to support me financially, let me know and I will give you the needed information.

“The love of Christ compels us...”
2 Corinthians 5:14

"I Left Everything to Follow You"

2007-03-06T18:50:00.001-05:00

The following are lyrics that I heard on Sunday, and I really liked the song, so I decided to post them.

Though sometimes I grow weary when the road's getting long
At each point of my weakness You make me strong
And when doubt takes over I remember it's true
I left everything to follow You

To stay safe or follow You asked me to choose
But how could I fail when I've got nothing left to lose?
Without Your call I couldn't make it
It'd be possible to do

Everything to follow, everything to follow, everything to follow You

But what is my petty offering
Compared to Your sacrifice?
I gave up my home
But You left paradise
And what You called me to offer has really set me free
Cause You left everything to be with me

So with joy I embrace a faith that calls me from home
And I will cling to Your promise that I am never alone
And with each passing moment I'll keep hoping it's true
I left everything to follow You

Everything to follow, everything to follow, everything to follow You