Wednesday, October 25, 2006

so little time

It feels much later than 11:02 pm.

This semester I've been really busy. My days are pretty full, with classes, work, homework/reading, quiz practice, babysitting, or running errands of sorts. This semester, as compared to last year, is a lot more hectic, and a lot more work, and a lot more jampacked.

I have said a thousand times how much I love quizzing, but I'll say it again. I love quizzing a whole lot! Tonight after practice, when I went to give Andrew the calc book, Jennie and Sondra came over and talked to me for a bit. Then we saw Lucas too, who was excited to see us.

I'm learning a lot about ministry and my spiritual gifts through quizzing.
1. Ministry is draining work, when you throw your entire self into it.
2. I've realized the body of Christ metaphor (1 Cor. 12) in my part of Wolly quizzing. I was kinda jealous that others were the go-to people in terms of advice, and wished that it could be ME that they went to. I thought and prayed about it that night, as I wrote in my journal, and realized that my part is behind the scenes, and maybe the others' can actually do a better job at their roles than I think they can/give them credit for. The position works for me: it allows me to be my introverted self, and to be organized and such. I like it. Not to mention it frees up everyone else to do their jobs.
2b. My spiritual gifts are Helps, Service, Knowledge, Missionary, Encouragement, Hospitality. Approximately in that order, averaged over a 3 year or so period.
3. I can still be interact with the quizzers, and try to encourage them. That's always exciting. It's really fun, and I can't wait for Maine this weekend. :D I volunteered to do the devotional a few weeks from now on Acts 12, although what or how I'll do, I have NO IDEA. But that'll be God working through me, and helping me know what to say.
4. In areas that I'm not as great in, I can't do a good job if I don't ask for help from God. For instance, I needed to reply to something the other day, and hadn't a clue how to word what I was saying, so I prayed for guidance and tact and all that good stuff, and it didn't come out half bad. Thanks, God.

As far as my days and minutes being packed, I'm serious. I haven't got much of a social life this year, outside of roommates, quizzing, whoever visits the room, Homecoming, and a few other things. I don't terribly mind. I'm realizing with my introvertedness, I'd much rather be close to a select few (though who those people are, I don't know), than to have a large circle of close friends. Something like that. Basically, I'm being really select about my social time, and putting studies and God first. I'm also watching my online time, like the time that I spend repeatedly checking Facebook, Hotmail, and Xanga. That time can definitely be better used.

I seriously have practically no time to think about boys. You know what I mean. I have no time to spend for a relationship right now, so therefore there's no thinking. Also, I have no time to think. It's almost nicer that way, to not think about things, but probably isn't good. I try to write in my journal and talk to a few close friends about stuff. I can't reach out to everyone, so I think my personality will make me intensely reach out to a few.

Compared to last year at this time, I think I've learned more from God. I'm pretty excited that my spiritual life is improving. Though as I write this, I realize how incredibly sterile that sounds. English classes: agh. Because I'm selective with my time, I'm more conscious about what I'm doing, and that in order to survive, I have to take breaks as well as talk to God about stuff. I'm still working on the reading-books-of-the-Bible-other-than-Acts part.

I have a C- in Calc 3. That's the lowest grade I've EVER gotten. I'm challenging myself to hopefully pull off a B in the class. I'm not sure how it'll mess with my GPA, but since my GPA has been pretty much fine since now, it shouldn't do too much damage. This semester has a lot more work, but that may be because in addition to doing about the same amount of reading, I'm also writing more papers than I did last year. Everything will be getting more intense in these next two weeks, with due dates and group projects and stuff, so if you can pray for me, that'd be super.

People have changed. I've changed. I've drifted from people I was once close to, and have made new acquaintances due to work and classes. Sometimes I wish I could always have the same people in my life, and that things would not be sketchy or awkward, but changing circumstances have shaped me into my current state. Friendships take work, something I have noticed, something I want to fix, but something that I am unwilling to make the effort to improve.

I really miss my Spanish. I momentarily met a Spanish professor as he picked up a test at CAS today. Jenny is doing a sort of Nazarene "study abroad" thing, where she's still enrolled at NNU but is taking classes here for a semester. I mentioned tonight at quizzing, slightly bitterly, "I wish there was a way for me to take Spanish at Olivet and actually have it count for something here!" Prof responded, "Well, why not?" I MISS SPANISH. ENC with all its diversity should have it!

As I am moving into a form of rant, I think I'm going to head to bed. It's now 11:56, but I haven't been writing all that time. Too bad I can't write papers like this.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

role model

It seems to me that if you are thrust (or just merely placed) in a leadership role, you are very much expected to work a lot harder to improve your skills, in order to be a role model. My two situations are quizzing and my Teaching Composition class (also working at CAS).

With quizzing, I am continually needing to be a spiritual role model, which means that I need to continue growing closer to God. And reading my Bible and praying and stuff. Not that that is always happening, but it should.

As far as Teaching Composition and working at CAS, I feel like my writing skills have improved this semester--maybe it's because I'm writing more papers or something. In order to actually be able to help others, I have to adhere to a higher standard.

Basically, I'm just feeling really challenged right now, to keep growing spiritually and academically. Last night I was being really philosophical and pensive and wanted to write stuff that I had thought about the Lauren Winner thing, but I decided it was much better (and required less work and time to write) to discuss it with people.

Vermont tonight!

*edit a few days later*
This is a quote I found in a teaching writing book, of all places. It totally fits.

"The developmental importance of ecological transitions derives from the fact that they almost invariably involve a change in role, that is in the expectations for behavior associated with particular positions in society. Roles have a magiclike power to alter how a person is treated, how she acts, what she does, and thereby even what she thinks and feels." (Bronfenbrenner)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

it's not always peachykeen

...from relevantmagazine.com....
"Student ministry is numbers-driven. If you don’t have a large number of students attending, you must be doing something wrong; either that, or the kids don’t think you’re cool. ...If your ministry isn’t growing, the parents will start clamoring for a new youth pastor, someone more entertaining, someone who doesn’t turn their kids into “radicals,” someone who will teach the kids to be “good boys” and “good girls.” " (The Art of True Rebellion)

I sometimes feel this way about my youth group, like we just do "fun" things and nobody's really challenged, and we're talked "at" and don't really discuss stuff. It's ministry and church, not entertainment. What if we started asking them what God's been doing in their lives, how they're living for God?

"The goal of ministry is to promote pure living, but to instill a heart for social justice as well."

I feel like our youth group is all about bringing our friends to fun events, and not really how to reach out to people and meet their needs even if we're uncomfortable with their lifestyles. This as in contrast to avoiding anyone who could "corrupt" us.

"We once did an event called “Destination Unknown,” taking the kids to an undisclosed location for a night of fun. Some members of our group were conspicuously absent. One mom reported to me that she didn’t send her children because, “We thought you would take them to some homeless shelter or something.” She went on to add, “By the way, when are you taking the kids to Six Flags? That’s the kind of thing they really like to do.” "

WHAT?!? We did a sort of Destination Unknown once, and it seemed like no one really knew what to do. There should be "training" (definitely NOT the kind found in the Jesus Camp movie) that gets teens into studying the Bible on their own, and growing closer to God, so that they will be prepared to live like Jesus did. Jesus wasn't about fun kitschy events.

"“Follow” is a verb. Something must be done in order to meet the requirements of the command."

You're going to have to work hard. You're not always going to be excited about the work you do. You're not always going to have a peachy keen life. It's a higher standard. You're not always around your friends. You're not always in your safe little Christian bubble. You're not always serving alongside the greatest of people. But we're, as a whole, not the greatest of people. We're called to serve others. We're part of the body of Christ. The hand can't say to the eye, "I can do your job better than you." It's not possible.

The end.