"Some people came back silent, and some talked incessantly as though talking about a thing would make it vanish. Actually, just the opposite is true: once things and thoughts are expressed and described they acquire a new reality, as though by giving them words we give them part of ourselves. After that, they will not allow us to leave them behind." (Under a Cruel Star, 42)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
General Assembly 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
on being a grown-up
In some ways I feel like an adult (a "real" one) and in some ways I don't. Sometimes, when I was subbing, I felt professional and other times I felt like the students had pulled one over on me (and I didn't want to appear to the administration that I couldn't handle the students). Depending on who I'm around, I can feel like just a big kid or like an adult. You know, when you're in college, everyone treats you as an adult and gives you responsibilities and you are pretty much on your own for figuring out your day-to-day life. Then, when you come home, you've got a different routine and someone else is trying to make plans for you, or to dictate what needs to be done.
I've not been telling as many stories from my college days--it's almost like I've tucked away those memories in a box in the closet for a later date. But I guess I've got no one that will really appreciate them. Also, I'm not finding too many interesting stories any more--I miss random mealtime or eveningtime conversations with my friends.
On Saturday morning I took my PRAXIS II tests for getting my MD State Teaching Certification in math--math pedagogy and math content knowledge. I think I did slightly better than I was expecting in the pedagogy one (3 essays, 1 hour), but possibly a little worse in the content knowledge (50 multiple choice questions, 2 hours). You never know, though--I guessed on a LOT of my math comps and still passed those. I think/hope I passed my PRAXIS II tests so I don't have to pay more money and do them again--if there is a next time, I'll use actual study books rather than just the free PDF.
This past weekend I traveled to a church in PA to share about my trip(s) to Ukraine. I had a WONDERFUL time and stayed with some really WONDERFUL people (Ken, Diane, Scott, and Maggie). I always enjoy the ride on I-70 West, looking at the mountains, and once I got off the interstate, I was driving on hilly Pennsylvania roads. When I passed the road that I needed to eventually take, I decided to skip the next 3-4 steps that Google gave me and get directly onto the road (thinking it was a shorter way). Turned out I was on "roller coaster road", and that is definitely what it felt like. I went up or down, left or right, and sometimes both at the same time! I never knew which way the road was going to go as soon as I got to the top of a hill.
I mostly sat and talked with Ken and Diane (and at one point, her parents) during and after dinner. Somewhere about 9 pm we decided to get ice cream and check out the showing of "Meet Me in St. Louis" on the courthouse lawn. Around 10:30pm, the movie still wasn't over (we got there after it had started), and Diane asked me, "Are you ready to go?" Sensing that she and Ken were ready, I replied with, "Are YOU ready to go?" :) Sure enough, they were done with sitting at a picnic table watching a movie that was longer than we thought, and I was fine with leaving.
The next morning, I met Maggie, who also had taken PRAXIS II testing for elementary school teaching. (Tiffany, who was a volunteer in Ukraine last year, also took hers this past weekend. Even though I'm no longer with my fellow ENC education majors, I can still find common ground with other present/future teachers!) That afternoon, before we left for the church picnic, she gave me a couple bags of clothes that she no longer needed/wanted--I've kept maybe 2/3 of them! A lot of it I can use for teaching--because it looks nice, and does not consist primarily of t-shirts, like my current wardrobe. :)
Books Currently Reading
Churched, by Matthew Paul Turner
What's Math Got to Do With It? Helping children learn to love their least favorite subject and why it's important for America, by Jo Boaler
Today I also picked up the movie "Speak" from the library; I remember reading the book by Laurie Halse Anderson when I was in middle/high school. It caught my attention because it had Kristen Stewart of Twilight-mania on the cover, and she looked every bit as bland and emotionless as she did in Twilight. (Honestly, I was glad to see Jacob come on the scene at the end of the movie, because he actually looked remotely PLEASANT!)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Strengths Finder and Sorting
~sell, donate, or otherwise get rid of
~does NOT go to Ukraine
~requires further attention (paperwork and notebooks and such)
~goes to Ukraine (but will probably be sifted through again)
~"bed, bath, and beyond" (things that I may or may not need for Ukraine, and that I do not need while I am living at home--dishes, bedding, etc.)
On the floor in my room I have another container of things that I may need in Ukraine, and a smaller box of teaching-type stuff. There will be LOTS of sorting this summer! :)
*~*
While I was in the shed, I found my StrengthsFinder book and thought I'd post my top 5 strengths, as of last fall. They are as follows: Connectedness*, Input*, Intellection, Analytical*, Developer.
Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
[I am forever figuring out how I might possibly know people, or what mutual friends we have or others have.]
Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
[Freshman year, Marie told me this was me in a nutshell. I'm definitely a packrat, and I remember lots of random details. I like to observe and take in info or scenery. Of course, I have to fight being a packrat when it comes to packing lightly for overseas travel!]
Intellection
People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
Analytical
People strong in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.
Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
[I think this one developed (ha ha) over the past couple years as a result of being involved in quizzing and working with students.]
*I took the Strengthsfinder 3 years ago, and these are a few of my continued results. The other strengths at that time were Harmony and Consistency.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Students Say the Darndest Things...
____________
Me: Have you done your illustration for the story?
7th grade boy (points to a blank sheet of paper): Yeah, it's right here. Oh, man! I forgot! I shouldn't have used invisible ink! Now I'm going to have to start all over!
____________
7th grade boy, excited about speaking in Spanish to me: Score ONE for the home team! (which might be my new saying. Isn't that sad--picking up sayings from middle schoolers?)
____________
Some girls had this spray candy (think breath freshener, but sour), and offered it to this guy to try.
Guy (coughs): It's not too bad!
Me: Yeah, after the first cough.
____________
After completing all her assignments for the day, this girl asked what else there was to do--I told her there were no more assignments, but she could find something to do while sitting quietly at her desk. "Do you mind if I sit there and sew?" Sew?! Go for it!
____________
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Escapades of the Day
Stop 1: David's Bridal in Glen Burnie
Purpose: Determine my dress size for Jen's wedding.
Mission accomplished, after deciding Google's directions could have been a *little* better.
Then, I successfully navigated Glen Burnie to find an alternate route toward Annapolis! I was quite proud of myself.
Stop 2: bank and Kohl's
Purpose: Buy sunglasses and other stuff.
Found sunglasses, a nice sweater (that I'm NOT wearing this summer, don't worry), and some headbands (free!)
Stop 3: Library
Purpose: Kill time
Mission accomplished. My dad used to take my brother and I here all the time when we spent weekends with him -- we looked at the books for sale, played on the computers (there were enough for both of us to be online at the same time), and of course got books. I hadn't been there in years (at least 4), so it brought back lots of memories.
I was hoping to find some of the books on my reading list, but wasn't very successful--I plan on reserving a bunch of them so I can read them later.
However, I did manage to find some Pimsleur Russian Language audio disks, plus some Eastern Europe travel guides. :)
Stop 4: Barnes and Noble
Purpose: Buy a couple books and a planner for this summer/next year, and kill time
Killing time worked well especially since Google's directions were vague about which direction to go on route 2 -- I think I got into Edgewater, and I knew when I went over the South River bridge that I'd gone the wrong way. Oops. I guess I don't know Anne Arundel County as well as I think.
Books I wanted to buy: Paperdoll by Natalie Lloyd, and What's Math Got to Do With It? by Jo Boaler.
Books BN didn't have: Paperdoll (not even in any of the nearby BN's, how disappointing!) and What's Math Got to Do With It?
Stop 5: Job interview!
I now have a summer job, babysitting a 9 year old girl for about 5 weeks out of the summer. It's right around the corner from my dad's, and though I would like to ride my bike there occasionally, I don't really want to deal with traffic on the main road. Hopefully my bike can fit in my trunk, and Grace's too, because then we can ride bikes (maybe on the B&A trail?).
I'm hoping to find something else to do for the weeks that she'll be at camp, and that I'll be available. Actually, those weeks should probably be spent preparing for teaching in Ukraine--figuring out what supplies I'll need and preparing some lesson ideas.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
"The Beauty of the Cross" (from boundless.org)
Instinctively, I view myself the opposite way. "God really got a great thing when He saved me." Or more subtly, "The Lord has graced me with some special gifts and talents that have really benefited the Kingdom."
What a conceit.
I lie in a desert, naked and sick, blind and crippled, powerless to rise and better my situation. I cling to the cactus of this world, convinced there is no superior way. I don't find love. No, Love travels, searches and calls to me. And when He finds me, I catch my first glimpse of beauty, grace and hope. I see Jesus.
Enraptured by His magnificence, yet caught in the sewer-pipe ideology of my world, I reason that I must give something to purchase my freedom. Such liberty at no cost would be too good to be true. But I have nothing to offer. "Don't aggravate my misery by dangling unattainable peace before my eyes!"
But that's just it. Jesus loves me not for what I offer. Not for the new program I can create to feed millions. Nor for the prettiest voice in the college chorale. Jesus loves me because it's His nature. He loves me simply because I am.
That's the beauty of the cross.
"We must abide in Christ to experience the successful Christian life. When we lean on our own intellect and abilities, we navigate impassable waters. Only when we acknowledge we're finite, fallen and unable to accomplish even the simplest task apart from God and His grace will we be ready to experience the fullness of joy available in this life."
Sunday, June 07, 2009
scatterbrained post.
Below is a really cute/sweet video, as one of my ENC friends posted on her Facebook. She also wrote a poem inspired by the video. It's my hope that through the rest of this summer and especially during my time in Ukraine that I don't retreat into just corresponding with friends via the Internet and/or Facebook surfing, but keep a healthy balance between friends that are in real life (phone or in person, which will be tough with my traveling) and those that I can now only communicate with via Facebook/email.
On Thursday night, my brother Adam graduated from high school! Yeah! I was sad that the teachers took away bubbles and beach balls that the graduates had with them-- they took away their fun! (We had them at our ENC graduation, and no one took them away. Then again, high school is different from college.) I saw at least 4-5 people that graduated with me from the very same high school 4 years ago, and it was weird to think that those students were US 4 years ago! Most of us have graduated from college, or will soon, and then next year we'll have our 5 year reunion. Crazy.
Last week I subbed at my high school for 4 of the 5 days, and I've gotten more comfortable with the high schoolers -- granted, it helps that it's my alma mater, and my brother would know of some of the students I had. The vice principal, my former history teacher, saw me walking down the hall and say, "Hey, Hagels! How's it going?" I realized that that was strange not just because he had never called me anything like that before, and it was in the school setting, but because that was the first time since graduation that someone has called me by a name other than Jessica, Jess, or Ms. H. Gone are the days when I would hear at least one variation of my name in a day -- Haagen-sausage, Hagels, Caboose (ok, not a variation, but a nickname), Haagen-Daag!, etc.
Today I spoke at my home church, then at Angel's. We played "dress-up", wearing our academic regalia at the same time and posing for photos outside. :) There's a mighty good one of me pretending that my diploma was going to eat hers. On the way back, I got to talk to Jen on the phone, my twin. :) Yay for 2 best friends in one day!
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Day 2: John chapter 2
This is definitely a discipline in making sure that I only fall into bed each night if I have read some of God's word -- so often, my pillow looks VERY tempting, especially after a day of substitute teaching for students who are ready to be done with school!
2:1-10 (Jesus Changes Water to Wine)
Mary wanted to see her son perform a miracle--maybe it's a mom thing (not that I would know). "Come on, Jesus, do a miracle! Show everyone that you're the Christ!" Jesus didn't want to, or at least, He said His time had not yet come. Yet his (proud) momma trapped him into getting involved.
Even then Jesus didn't just make more wine appear with a snap of his fingers, or with a single word, as easy as that could be. He involved the servants by issuing a couple commands that were probably things they had done at other times--filling the jars with water, and taking (what would usually be) water to the master. That reminds me of the passage where Peter and the others were fishing all night long, catching nothing, but then Jesus told them, "Cast down your nets on the other side of the boat." An ordinary task, one they might have already tried.
Hmm...also, these water jars were used for ceremonial washing, which means they were probably not used for drinking, and probably came into contact with unclean people or items. (I'm not sure, though.) An ordinary jar, used in every day life.
Both of these "ordinary" instances led to extraordinary works/uses by God, resulting in a great catch or the best wine. Isn't it great how God uses the not-so-great for His purposes, even when we wonder how God could use us, what expertise we have, etc.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians)
2:13-16 (Jesus clears the Temple)
Jesus cleared out those who were trying to earn money from God's commands, and not simply enjoy His presence. This is the contrast between *doing* and *being*--when you're in someone's house, you usually focus on just being with them, or if you're helping them, it's so that you can spend more time with them.
I know that sometimes I have gotten caught up in trying to DO ministry, to oversee it or to try and be doing something at any given moment, rather than just spending time with the people that are within that ministry and to focus on building relationships. Or, I focus on the act of reading God's word and not on drawing closer to Him.
Day 1 of reading through the gospel of John
Here are my thoughts from reading last night, in the NIV.
1:4 "In him was life, and that life was the light of men."
Christ is the light in our darkness. The life that He brings makes everything more visible in our lives...clearer, more definitive, etc. He makes us more like Him, more like who He has called us to be.
1:12-13 "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God."
I am a child of God, adopted into God's family, just like any other person. All other Christians are my brothers and sisters, and none of us are superior to the rest in light of our pasts or presents or futures. I'm part of God's family, a community, that will shape me and support me.
1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
Christ came to LIVE among US. To live, to move into the neighborhood (I think that's the Message wording), not to simply drop by for a visit and then leave again. He lived among US, messed-up people that we are, showing His glory but also His grace and mercy and truth to point us to a relationship with God.
1:31 "I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel." (John the Baptist speaking)
John knew that the Messiah was coming, but he did not know the details, but still prepared the way for the Lord. The ministry was not his own, but served as a signpost for a greater ministry, Christ's. So often we want details of WHY God wants us to do a particular task, or why not, HOW God will use it to bring glory to His name, etc. I know I'd LOVE to know those details, perhaps have them written on a neon sign that would fall into my lap. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen, at least in that way. Quite simply, we are called to follow Christ, to be in relationship with Him, to point others to Christ.
There's Day 1.
Ideas to keep in mind as I read:
What does this tell me about God's nature?
How does God view humanity?