a sneaking suspicion....

Thoughts after reading Oswald Chambers for Thursday:
I'd like to make an impact on these youth, but more importantly, I want Christ to be in their lives. Doesn't matter what I do.
It's not about what I do or how well I can connect with people. What's important is that I am giving them opportunities to encounter Christ and His love, and that I am someone God could use. The rest is up to Him.
It's not important what I can do for or with youth/people I minister to. It's important that I am following Christ, that I am encountering His grace and love and learning His word. God will take it from there. That's all I have to be concerned with.

Then, chapel with Bob Skinner, missionary to the Ukraine:
"Ok, God, you want football? I want You."
"Send me!" --he said yes to where God was sending him
God needs to know we want Him more than anything else in this world

My devotional for today was titled, "The Method of Missions" (also Oswald Chambers).
"Yet you cannot make disciples unless you are a disciple yourself."
" 'Don't rejoice in successful service--the great secret of joy is that you have the right relationship with Me' " (in essence what Jesus said, Luke 10:17-20)
"His one and only purpose is to disciple men and women to Jesus."
challenge to the missionary: Do we believe that Christ is able to do this? (Mt 9:28)

So what I'm thinking here is, is God trying to tell me something? i.e., is He calling me to be a missionary, get involved in ministry somehow for the rest of my life? Yeah, teaching middle schoolers (and doing it well) is a form of ministry/missions, and we are all called to reach out to those in our own communities, but could God be calling me to something bigger?

I don't want to overthink or underthink this, nor do I want to say something decisive too soon and face the possibility of going back on it.

little later....
I was working on my math homework, and the song Alive by Rebecca St James started playing on my iTunes. This line caught my attention: "It's only when I let go of what I want in this life." Could God maybe actually want me to do YIM next summer? I don't know. What I do know, is I need to take Adolescent Development next summer otherwise I don't graduate on time. Unless they'll let me walk the stage (is that the phrase) and take the course later. Cuz graduating with my class is pretty important to me. This just opens a whole new can of worms...