Sunday, December 12, 2010

Lord, when did we see you hungry?

The following is an anonymous twentieth-century Lutheran prayer from France, found in a book of prayers.


Lord, when did we see you hungry?

I was hungry and you were flying around the moon.
I was hungry and you told me to wait.
I was hungry and you formed a committee.
I was hungry and you talked about other things.

I was hungry and you told me:
“There is no reason.”
I was hungry
And you had bills to pay for weapons.
I was hungry and you told me:
“Now machines do that kind of work.”
I was hungry and you said:
“Law and order come first.”
I was hungry and you said:
“There are always poor people.”
I was hungry and you said:
“My ancestors were hungry too.”
I was hungry and you said:
“After age fifty, no one will hire you.”
I was hungry and you said:
“God helps those in need.”
I was hungry and you said:
“Sorry, stop by again tomorrow.”

Friday, December 03, 2010

Finishing

I want to be known as someone who finishes, and who finishes well.

For a simple example, I multi-task quite often, in an attempt to finish my tasks more quickly.  While working on my laundry (hanging it to dry or putting it away), I might listen to an audiobook or sermon podcast.  My internet browser frequently has tabs for Facebook, Gmail, and at least two other websites open at the same time, while Skype and iTunes are running in the background.  My roommate and I read "From Nyet to Da" to each other while preparing or cleaning after dinner.

Many times, I start reading 3 articles at the same time (to clarify, they are in 3 separate tabs).  I bounce between them, based on their length and reading level/depth of thought.  Within the past year, I have forced myself to FINISH one before starting another, in order to develop better self-discipline.

The following link is a video of a cross-country runner who struggled to finish her race because of severe leg pain.  Just before she reached the finish line, she collapsed on the ground.  So close!  BUT here's the amazing thing -- she pulled herself up and finished the race by crawling.  

She couldn't finish the race by simply laying there and wishing herself across the remaining 5 m.  Nor did she have the stamina to stand on her legs (by the time she stood up, she might as well have stepped over the finish line).  Yet she did the only thing possible at that moment -- crawl.  


So many things in life I want to finish, and finish well.   First semester for this school year finishes in a couple weeks, and I have a lot of knowledge to pass along to my students.  I don't know if I will be here in Ukraine next year (I still need to make my decision), or if I will be back home in MD, or if I will be somewhere else in the US.  No matter what it takes, I want to finish things well and make sure things are complete.

A few weeks ago, while attempting to write my personal mission statement, I reread the following verse:
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:6, NIV)
I cannot carry ministries on to completion.  I cannot follow and guide all of my ministry students (Wolly quizzing or KCA students) through their high school years and daily challenge them in their walk with Christ.  I cannot finish the work here in Ukraine.

I cannot complete God's work in me, by my own power.  There's no way I can make myself whole, or ensure God-type success in the endeavors God leads my way.

But here's the amazing thing -- whatever it is that GOD has purposed for my life, the life He's given me, HE will complete.   What God starts, God finishes.  This isn't like my website-hopping -- God will stick with me, walking me through the good times and the bad, the crystal-clear times and the murky uncertain times.  Quite often, I muddle through life, trying to figure out the next step, but it's because I want to rely on what I know, what I think is best, what friends or books say, what's familiar or comfortable for me.

If only I could see the big picture of what God's intended for my life, and what the next step is...to find out how to begin...All I can do is simply crawl in the lap of Jesus and trust....this is a lesson that I am constantly relearning.....



Because I'll never hold the picture
Of the whole horizon in my view
Because I'll never rip the night in two
It makes me wonder
Who am I, Who am I, Who am I
And great are you

(Downhere, "Great are You")

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Lessons learned as a temporary mother

This week I have been staying with a family of 5 while their parents are out of the country.  My responsibilities have included reheating or preparing food, tucking the youngest boys into bed, making sure lunches are packed, homework is completed, entertaining the youngest boys, administering meds, and otherwise maintaining order and mediating.  The kids are 7, 11, 13, 17, and 19, so I only really need to keep tabs on the elementary school-age boys.

I watched this family last month, and it was definitely a learning experience!  I learned that for missionary families overseas, there is so much that goes into the process of raising their kids.  I consider myself to be a flexible person, and don't mind getting slightly lost/misguided as long as I have my atlas and can get back on track.  However, when you're with a 7-year old and an 11-year old, you have to plan your path, determining in advance where you will walk and which buses you will take (because they won't want to take the scenic route).  On top of all this, my preferred walking pace is at least twice that of a little kid, so I had to slow down.  For some families, their kids have special medical needs and require supplies that can either be found only in America or at high prices where they live (or perhaps both).

After the first weekend of watching just 3 of the kids, I was ready to get back to my own house, away from my students and away from any children that would ask me unending questions.  Back to a place where I was only responsible for myself.

Now, I am back with this family, and thought I'd share some of my thoughts with the blog-reading world!

When you are a parent, personal space and personal time cease to exist.  Each day I rode in the van with the kids, and would try to snatch moments of time when the kids were not asking something or otherwise requiring my attention (i.e., picking on each other, standing when they weren't supposed to, or asking for homework help).  In the evenings, after putting the boys to bed, I still stayed up for a while until the other kids went to bed around 10; one of my thoughts was, "Two kids are in bed--but there are still three more that are awake!"  Even in the middle of the night, when I am asleep, I don't necessarily have "personal time", as the 7 year old might come in, saying he had a bad dream.  At any given moment, something is required of me.  Therefore, any purely alone moments I have are precious (especially since I'm an introvert)!! (Does this mean that the space-time continuum ceases to continue?)

Growing up, I lived with a maximum of 4 others in the house--my grandparents, mom, and brother.  Right now, there are six of us in this house.  In the van, because there were more people than seatbelts (welcome to Ukraine), I often had kids squished next to me, and would choose a window seat for this very reason.  Yesterday morning, the 7 year old was using my lap as a place to keep his "I Spy" book open.

Parenthood, in my inexperienced view, makes you less selfish.  If not, then something is wrong.  Parenthood requires you to be responsible for meeting the basic needs (food, rest, medication, peace, affirmation) of other human beings other than yourself.

Food/Medication:  These are obvious enough.  Older kids can get their own food from the fridge, but younger kids need you to prepare/reheat it.  Some kids need medications, so it's important to administer this on a regular basis.

Affirmation: I've learned--this time through my own experience and not just through educational psychology--that kids need to be positively affirmed.  If they are constantly being told, "No, you are not allowed to do this" or "No, not right now" or "No, we're not going there today," they will be less likely to listen to your directions and otherwise respond to you.  This, of course, does not mean swinging to the other extreme and being indulgent--letting them do whatever they want when they want and not respecting your authority as an adult/parent.  Rather, showing positive attention to kids, allowing them to make a choice between two good options, affirming them when they make a good choice, and interacting with them and not ignoring them, will help them to feel affirmed and loved.

Peace:  We all face conflict in our lives, some caused by circumstances and some caused by others.  With little kids, this usually includes fights over toys, using computers, and the use of their time (doing things they may or may not want to do).  I've done a lot of mediating and collaborating this weekend, mostly between the kids when they argue or when the kids have to do homework.

A lot goes into raising a family, especially when there are five of them and one of them has special medical needs!  Parenting--or, faux-parenting for right now--will make me less selfish, a process that I know will begin (in-depth, 24/7) anyway when I am in a marriage relationship.  All I know is that I need to be fully dependent on Christ and walking closely with Him if I expect to show a Christlike example to kids.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Proverbs/sayings

Ukrainian Proverbs
You don't really see the world if you only look through your own window.

To see a friend no road is too long.
Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.


Russian Proverbs
Make peace with man and war with your sins
Go Godward, you will find a road.

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Things I've Learned Lately

1.  Airborne (or even the generic equivalent) is some pretty potent-tasting stuff.  You're supposed to use 8 oz of water to dissolve it, but rather, I just do a third of my glass (just under 200 mL).  The less I need to chug, the better.  I refuse to dissolve it in soda or juice, because then I will just associate that with the nasty lemon-lime Airborne.  Hopefully I'm on the up-and-up, and if not, I've got most of this weekend to recover.

2.  After Fall Retreat, as one might expect with 112 people together all weekend, running around, playing games, etc., many people are sick.  Add injuries from soccer this week, and about half my geometry class was sick or injured.

3.  Pomegranates can be sour.  The other day I ate one, and had to have water nearby because the little seeds/fruits were so sour!  I gave some to a student, who proceeded to sputter and cough as she left the room for water.  "I promise I'm not trying to kill you," I told her.  "Yeah, right," she replied between her coughs.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Favorite Summer Books/Movies

I'll add to this list as I read more books. Here's just a taste...

Leviathan, by Scott Westerfeld. This takes place just after the archduke of Austria was assassinated, but has an element of sci-fi/fantasy, along with fictional/non-historical characters. In this novel, the Germans and Austrians use "Clanker" technology--zeppelins and airplanes and tanks, of course, plus "Walkers". Walkers are huge machines that, well, walk on 2 legs, and can hold about 3-4 people plus some cargo. The British, on the other hand, are "Darwinists", and this doesn't refer to an ideology. Rather, their war machines aren't machines but living creatures. These creatures are fully contained ecosystems. Instead of a zeppelin, they have a huge whale-type creature, with glowworms providing light as needed, bats that emit projectiles, etc.
The storyline follows the archduke's son on the run after his parents were killed, and a British girl posing as a boy in order to take part in the war effort. Eventually, their paths cross in Europe, as the war is beginning to intensify, and .... I'll leave the rest for later. If I didn't know there was a sequel, I'd be mighty dissatisfied with the ending, as it left much unsaid.

Tea with Hezbollah, by Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis. These two guys go to the Middle East and ask America's enemies questions like, "What makes you laugh? What makes you cry?" They also ask these leaders about Jesus, the parable of the Good Samaritan, and Christ's command to "Love your enemies," in a quest to find today's Samaritan (disenfranchised, on the edge of society, perception that they can do nothing right). Highly recommended.

Russian Journal, by Andrea Lee. She and her husband spent a year in Moscow in 1978, and this book tells the stories of the Russians they befriended and their experiences in Soviet Russia. I enjoyed the background of things like the ринок (rynok/farmer's market) and тапочки (tapochki/slippers provided at the door), which very likely is the same for Ukraine today. Some of the stories they told of basic daily life reminded me of aspects of life in Ukraine, though today goods (especially Western ones) aren't as scarce. It was eye-opening to hear more about their experience with the KGB and how the people lived in a constant state of being wary of others, especially for those who wanted to emigrate to the West.

An Intimate Understanding of America's Teenagers: Shaking Hands with Aliens, by Bruce Gevirtzman. The author draws upon decades of experience as a high school speech teacher, offering insight into the lives of his students. At times, he offers explanations from a teen's perspective--obtained simply by asking his students! He provides advice directed at teachers, parents, and teenagers at the end of each chapter.

Other Books:
Peculiar Treasures (Katie Weldon book #1), by Robin Jones Gunn

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Island

The following is a slightly fictionalized and embellished story of one evening (especially since I can't quite remember the details) in fall 2008.

She walked into the college cafeteria, looking for familiar faces, until she remembered that most of her usual dinner companions were away for the weekend. During times like these, she often would find another familiar face or two with whom to share the meal.

She proceeded to fill her plate with the food that was available (which was never quite good on a Saturday night), and filled her cup with water. After picking up some silverware, she found a small table near the soda fountain. She began to eat her dinner in her "island" of solitude.

Then she noticed one of her friends was nearby, in the other room. He appeared to be on the phone, so she quietly ate her meal, watching the other people in the room and thinking about many things. At one point, she went back to the soda fountain, where the hot water and coffee and teas were, and picked out a packet of black tea. Finding a mug, and a packet of sugar, she poured hot water into the mug and steeped the tea bag for a few minutes.

Her friend finished his phone call, and noticed her sitting at the table, so he joined her for conversation. For quite some time, they discussed family situations, their shared faith in God, and other life experiences. Topics like evolution, theology, and current classes were explored, as well as recent movies they'd seen and songs they'd heard.

She enjoyed this conversation, and sipped her tea while they talked. (While she was in Ukraine, she had often shared tea with other pastors, families, and friends, as they built relationships.)

The time came for him to leave the cafeteria (to go where, she wasn't quite sure), and he bid her farewell with, "You have a good evening." She replied with a simple, "Thank you. You too," as he walked away.

As he left, she glanced down at the quote on the tag of her tea bag and pondered its relevance to her dinner conversation. "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main... -John Donne."

She smiled to herself, picked up her dishes, and got up from the table.

Israel sightseeing

A list encompassing most of the sites I saw while in Israel, with help from Bibleplaces.com to identify names from my photos.

Sunday March 28
Palm Sunday procession down the Mount of Olives
Lions/St. Stephen's Gate
Old City
Damascus Gate

Monday March 29
Old City
Western Wall
First-century street
Trumpeting Stone
Southern Steps (Jerusalem Archaeological Park)--psalms of ascent, Pentecost
Double and triple gates
Mikvehs (ceremonial washing pools)
Jewish Quarter
Medeba map
Cardo (main street)
Church of the Holy Sepulchre (place of crucifixion and Christ's tomb)
Via Dolorosa
Church of the Condemnation
Church of the Flagellation
Ecce Homo Convent and Lithostrothos

Tuesday March 30
Caesarea
aqueduct
Mt Carmel
Nazareth
Basilica of Annunciation
Mount of Precipice "The Leaping Mountain"
Nazareth Church of the Nazarene
Tabgha
Capernaum (synagogue, Peter's house, olive press)
Mt. of Beatitudes
Yardenit (Jordan River)

Wednesday March 31
Mt. of Olives
Garden of Gethsemane
Church of All Nations
Pool of Siloam
Valley of Hinnom (Ge Hinnom--Gehenna)
Valley of Elah (David and Goliath)
Azekah hilltop
Roman Road near Moza
Qumran
Dead Sea
wilderness

Thursday April 1
Old City with Rajaee :)
Damascus Gate
English class with Karen :)

Friday April 2
Bethlehem
Church of the Nativity
Manger Square
Palestine-Israel border wall
Via Dolorosa
Jerusalem Church of the Nazarene :)
Church of the Holy Sepulchre

Saturday April 3
Sea Level
Masada
Dead Sea
Church of the Holy Sepulchre (Ethiopian Orthodox Holy Fire service)

Sunday April 4
Garden Tomb
Jerusalem Prayer Center
Old City
Jaffa Gate

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Countdowns (just for fun)

As of today, April 27....

3 days until our Parent-Teacher Fellowship ice cream social :)

17 more days until my dad and stepmom come visit me in Ukraine

27 more days of school (that's counting exams and review days--21 more days of regular lessons)

47 days (and a wake-up) until I leave for the United States

[63 days spent in the US]

80 days until my birthday

112 days until I depart the US for Kyiv again

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Bookshelf

*books I want to read*



From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya: A Biographical History of Christian Missions
Religions of the World

The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
Salvation on the Small Screen: 24 Hours of Christian TV, Nadia Bolz-Weber
Myspace to Sacred Space: God for a New Generation, Piatt
The Coffeehouse Gospel: Sharing Your Faith in Everyday Conversation, Matthew Paul Turner
The Princess Bride (unabridged edition)
Looking Backward from 2000 to 1887, Edward Bellamy
My Darling Elia by Eugenie Melnyk
Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
No More Throwaway People
Checklist for Life


Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
Relational Holiness, Oord/Lodahl
A Biblical Case for an Old Earth
What is a Nazarene?: Understanding Our Place in the Religious Community, Tracy Ingersol
A Perfect Life, by Bo Cassell (modern version of Wesley's A Plain Account of Christian Perfection)The Music of His Promises, Elisabeth Elliot
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

Paperdoll (Natalie Lloyd)
Third Culture Kids
Celebration of Discipline


Movies I want to Watch (#=$2.99 to rent on iTunes)
Amelia (about Amelia Earhart)
#Letters to Juliet
Miral

Movies Not Yet Released
Winnie the Pooh
Battleship Potemkin
Jane Eyre (Aug 16)
When Harry Tries to Marry (Aug 1)
Soul Surfer (Aug 2)
The Vow
Sarah's Key

Thanks to Cheap Ways to..., I have discovered the website called Paperback Swap. It is a book exchange network, where you earn credits by mailing your own books to others. I'm not sure if I have at least 10 I'm willing to part with, so this may have to wait till I am home and can do an inventory of all my books. You can also swap CD's and DVD's for additional credits.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Zero

For spring break this year, I had the awesome opportunity/privilege to travel to Jerusalem and Israel/Palestine and stay with some missionary friends there. I had envisioned the trip as simply tourism and learning more about Biblical geography/history, but there were so many more dimensions. The conflict between Palestine/Israel has more nuances than I'd realized, I met some neighbors and English language learners, and also had conversations about life and ministry.

The night before Resurrection Sunday, as my new (and old) friends and I traveled back from the Dead Sea and Masada, we listened to the worship song "Breathe."

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm lost without you

As we sang along, I was reminded of something our tour guide Yoni had said a few days earlier. We were in the same passageway from Jerusalem down to the Dead Sea area, and had climbed a small hill so that Yoni could point out Jericho and also the barrenness of the land.


Now, this is not representative of the entire land of Israel, because in the north, at least near Galilee, the land is more verdant. However, this is probably what the Israelites would've seen as they approached the Promised Land, after the Exodus and years of wandering in the desert.

Yoni asked us to consider "What makes the 'Promised Land' so promising?" Looking at this landscape, there is really nothing appealing. If you didn't have sufficient water, you'd die in a matter of days.

Yoni then pointed out the saying/quote (can't find the source), "Without God [we] are nothing." The word for "nothing" in Hebrew is the same as the word for "zero"--"Without God we are zero." Zero is simply a placeholder, is neither positive nor negative, and describes an amount of null size. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Without God's provision, presence, and faithfulness, our lives have no value. We are lost without God, wandering in the wilderness seeking a word from Him. We are desperate for God's presence, in order to breathe Him in and let Him permeate every part of our lives.

How often do I try to live life on my own, as though I could make it through every day without God's guiding hand? How often do I assume that I have it within myself to teach and minister to my students, with no help from God? How often do I chase after MY dreams and not God's?

The truth is: far too often. I need to remember that I am solely dependent on God's provision for His words and His presence. The "Promised Land" is promising because God restores what once was broken: relationships (primarily the relationship between God and humanity), hearts, and lives. I cannot bring about restoration by my own strength, but only through Christ. I cannot live without daily bread from God. I cannot exist from day to day without Christ. I cannot dream dreams without God's big ideas being placed in my mind.

Reminder: Without God I am nothing.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

World Languages--Just for Fun

Last week, most likely during a bout of procrastination, I decided to list all the words/phrases I know in other languages. (There is no way I can list all the words I know in Spanish and Russian, and of course I am a native English speaker.)

Spanish: intermediate skills
[On various tests, I've scored at Intermediate 1, Low Intermediate, C1--Advanced (this test was only 15 questions)]

Russian: beginner skills
[Scored "pre-intermediate" on a 60 question test, July 2010]

French: 1 semester in high school--this is ranked lower than Russian because I cannot conjugate basic past and future tenses in French (people here speak to me in French sometimes...it's strange...)

Ukrainian: Besides knowing how to say yes, no, what, and kung-fu, I can't speak other phrases, but if I had text, I could probably guess at some of the words.

German: good day, good morning, please, no, hail, goose, I, thank you, goodbye (I could probably understand some if it was spoken to me)

Hebrew: shalom, Shabbat, good morning, Shma ("hear, O Israel...")

Arabic: thank you (shukran), God willing (En sh'allah), come on (yallah)

Polish: lip, thank you

Mandarin Chinese: hello (ni hao), I love you (wo ai ni)

Cantonese Chinese: gorilla (sing sing)

Dutch: airport (luchthaven)

Albanian: goodbye (mirupafshim)

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Spring brings hope...

Inspired by the soon arrival of spring here in Ukraine...

(c) 2010 by me.

Winter
Cloudy, sunless skies
Short days
Long nights
Bitter air, frigid winds
Cold noses and toes
Slippery walks
Cars buried in snow
Trudging along by foot
Icicles falling from rooftops
Gray, brown, dreary shades

Where is the hope?
Must I suffer day after day?
Miserable cold
Held captive indoors
What promises remain?
Seeking, seeking, seeking
To little avail
How long will this last?

Spring
Sunny mornings
Melting ice
Glimpses of the sidewalk
Appearances of green
Warmer days
Pink and white tulips
More daylight
Dripping, draining puddles
Cheerful moods
Warm weather is coming

Here comes hope
Waiting unseen for months
When all seemed lost
Could this really be possible?
Freedom to explore
Bask in the sunlight
Winter seems so long ago
Beauty emerges from ice and dirt
Appearing slowly like a crocus

Hope arrives
Bringing freedom, beauty, new life
Promises come true
Rescue of what once was lost
Restoration of what was distorted
Redemption of the broken
Creating distance between what once was
And what will be no more
A new day is dawning
Promises are kept
Of faithfulness and peace--
The greatest assurance is love.