Finishing

I want to be known as someone who finishes, and who finishes well.

For a simple example, I multi-task quite often, in an attempt to finish my tasks more quickly.  While working on my laundry (hanging it to dry or putting it away), I might listen to an audiobook or sermon podcast.  My internet browser frequently has tabs for Facebook, Gmail, and at least two other websites open at the same time, while Skype and iTunes are running in the background.  My roommate and I read "From Nyet to Da" to each other while preparing or cleaning after dinner.

Many times, I start reading 3 articles at the same time (to clarify, they are in 3 separate tabs).  I bounce between them, based on their length and reading level/depth of thought.  Within the past year, I have forced myself to FINISH one before starting another, in order to develop better self-discipline.

The following link is a video of a cross-country runner who struggled to finish her race because of severe leg pain.  Just before she reached the finish line, she collapsed on the ground.  So close!  BUT here's the amazing thing -- she pulled herself up and finished the race by crawling.  

She couldn't finish the race by simply laying there and wishing herself across the remaining 5 m.  Nor did she have the stamina to stand on her legs (by the time she stood up, she might as well have stepped over the finish line).  Yet she did the only thing possible at that moment -- crawl.  

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/runner-crawls-across-the-finish-line-23309759

So many things in life I want to finish, and finish well.   First semester for this school year finishes in a couple weeks, and I have a lot of knowledge to pass along to my students.  I don't know if I will be here in Ukraine next year (I still need to make my decision), or if I will be back home in MD, or if I will be somewhere else in the US.  No matter what it takes, I want to finish things well and make sure things are complete.

A few weeks ago, while attempting to write my personal mission statement, I reread the following verse:

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:6, NIV)

I cannot carry ministries on to completion.  I cannot follow and guide all of my ministry students (Wolly quizzing or KCA students) through their high school years and daily challenge them in their walk with Christ.  I cannot finish the work here in Ukraine.

I cannot complete God's work in me, by my own power.  There's no way I can make myself whole, or ensure God-type success in the endeavors God leads my way.

But here's the amazing thing -- whatever it is that GOD has purposed for my life, the life He's given me, HE will complete.   What God starts, God finishes.  This isn't like my website-hopping -- God will stick with me, walking me through the good times and the bad, the crystal-clear times and the murky uncertain times.  Quite often, I muddle through life, trying to figure out the next step, but it's because I want to rely on what I know, what I think is best, what friends or books say, what's familiar or comfortable for me.

If only I could see the big picture of what God's intended for my life, and what the next step is...to find out how to begin...All I can do is simply crawl in the lap of Jesus and trust....this is a lesson that I am constantly relearning.....



Because I'll never hold the picture
Of the whole horizon in my view
Because I'll never rip the night in two
It makes me wonder
Who am I, Who am I, Who am I
And great are you

(Downhere, "Great are You")

Hands and Feet

An image flashed across my TV screen
Another broken heart comes into view
I saw the pain and I turned my back
Why can't I do the things I want to?
I'm willing yet I'm so afraid
You give me strength
When I say

CHORUS:
I want to be your hands
I want to be your feet
I'll go where you send me
I'll go where you send me
And I'll try, yeah I'll try
To touch the world like
You touched my life
And I'll find my way
To be your hands

I've abandoned every selfish thought
I've surrendered every thing I've got
You can have everything I am
And perfect everything I'm not
I'm willing, I'm not afraid
You give me strength when I say

CHORUS

This is the last time I turned my back on you
From now on, I'll go so
Send me where You want me to
I finally have a mission
I promise I'll complete
I don't need excuses
When I am your hands and feet

whatever, God.

You know, I must say I needed that reminder tonight....

Every week, on Wednesday nights, I try to go to Wolly's youth group, where a number of my quizzers are. It lets me see them again, and see how they interact with the others in the group, and see what they are being taught.

Tonight, I debated about going. You know, homework, studying for an exam, and just plain relaxing in my room for an hour and a half. Not to mention, I feel like I just sit there and don't make any major contributions to the group. With that in mind, why go? Will it make a difference to those teens if I go? Wouldn't I have the same effect on them if I just stayed in my room?

I chose to go. When I got there, they were playing Birds on a Perch, so I sat next to Michelle and watched the game (quite entertaining sometimes). We then watched Rich, a Nooma video, and discussed our wealth and blessedness, and how we are saved to bless others. It's not just about us holding onto our wealth (we truly are rich compared to the rest of the world. remember the YIM training camp poverty meal), but about us using what we have to bless others.

Ally shared a story about a missions trip she took to Orlando. The first day she was there, she tore her ACL (?) and could not participate in any of the projects. She was rather disgruntled that she had come all that way to make a difference, but had to lay in bed all day. (She did try to help out, but that just made the problem worse.) When she returned home, she got an email from one of the maintenence guys at the elementary school where her team helped. He told her she had been an "angel" and had just encouraged him (and probably a number of others) through her words, because that's what she had to offer.

It reminded me of this summer. We handed out flyers, we invited people to church, we invited kids to play basketball, we hung out with kids at the parks. Did we always see results right away? Not always, but sometimes, yes. Did we get frustrated, and not feel like doing whatever it was again? Yes.

But did God still use us? Yes. He encouraged the pastors. He gave us great friends in Mexico and El Paso. He brought kids in contact with the churches. He used us to encourage the congregations in music (whether we were singing Battle Hymn of the Republic or Tu Eres Mi Respirar), in our service (painting a Sunday School room), or in just hanging out with our friends in the youth group who will be the future leaders.

I may not teach in Wolly's youth group. I may not lead games. I may not be remembered by half the kids. But for the kids that I have met (Corrine, Wes, Abi, and my quizzers)--well, I just hope that God will use me however He wants, and I will remain available in whatever way. Whether that means I actually connect with the teens this year in a substantial way, or whether I teach the college age Sunday School class, or whether I can chaperone for a one day kids' missions event--whatever it is God has for me, I want to do, and not to have things my own way. "But, God! I really wanted to do this kids' missions event! And I have to travel HOME!?! WHY!?! This is a one-time thing.......I'm glad I went home."

I made a list, wrote down from A to Z
All the ways I thought that You could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense
I laid it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case, presented my defense
But then I read the letter that You sent me
It said that all You really want from me is just

Whatever, whatever You say
Whatever, I will obey
Whatever, Lord, have Your way
'Cause You are my God, whatever

So strike a match, set fire to the list
Of all my good intentions, all my preconceived ideas
I want to do Your will no matter what it is
Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh, Lord, give me the courage and the strength to do

(chorus)

I am not my own
I am Yours and Yours alone
You have bought me with Your blood
Lord, to You and You alone do I belong
And so whatever

(Steven Curtis Chapman, "Whatever")

unity!

Remember "one in heart and mind"?

Let's live it.

(from my favorite Christmas song)
O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

I don't quite get how two people in ministry type positions can have such a falling-out that neither really cares for the other anymore. It doesn't seem to be right, to be a role model but not be striving for unity within the leadership group. It doesn't seem fair that if one of those we are leading is struggling with the same kind of friendship issue but wants things to turn out well, they would have to see a broken role model. Yet humans are broken and fallen people. I know that is what causes that, but it just doesn't seem right.

I am very much like Jane Bennet in Pride & Prejudice, who wants to believe only good of those she knows. (Elizabeth speaking to Jane) "Oh! you are a great deal too apt, you know, to like people in general. You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable in your eyes. I never heard you speak ill of a human being in your life."
I see the good in others for the most part, ignoring their negative qualities, and still treating them as a decent person. It's not till someone points out the negative qualities and what they mean that I notice flaws in others. At this point, I still treat the person the same, but possibly with a bit of skepticism/curiousity in my thoughts.

mi vida.

This past weekend in Maine was pretty much amazing, in terms of fun and in terms of ministry stuff. Basically, not only did I get to hang out and have cool conversations with people, but I also got to help with junior high Sunday School, and lead Children's Church (I was totally applying some of what I learned in Ed Psych, it was crazy). I've learned that Prof is a fan of the "trial by fire" or "sink or swim" method of teaching you skills. Before Friday night, I didn't know that I'd be working with the Children's Church group. Before Saturday morning, I didn't know that I'd be primarily responsible for figuring stuff out. It more or less happens that upon arrival to a weekend, I find out close to exactly what I'm doing. But hey, it really helps you grow.

Here are just a few more words about the weekend.
~ministry: Sunday School, Children's Church, testimony time, mingling
~fun: sledding, games, Mafia, etc.
~injuries: chipped tooth, sprained ankle, injured knee, hitting upside the head
~studying
~doing rounds of quizzing to determine shower and eating order
~conversations
~sledding on old plastic caf trays from Rick

I also collected a ton of quotes. :)

*Jen on the phone: “Z as in xylophone”
*Jen S: “Do we have to go through New Hampshire?”
*Jess: “Oh look, this snow is powdery” (right foot plunges into snow)
*Jocey: “No! I don’t wanna be a druggie, gosh!”
*Jess: “Who needs vegetables at dinner when you can eat popcorn?”
*Jen: “We do not practice personification here”
*Joel: “I’m a perfectly normal and sane person…compared to the play”
*Sondra’s dream that Prof was on drugs

*Hannah: “It’s called a quiz meet, not a hangout meet”
*Prof: “Smack me if you want—it’ll still hurt”

*Joel: “Someday I want to be laughed with, not at”
Jen: “Say something funny and I’ll laugh with you”

*Prof (about Bible study): “And what does that mean?”
Hannah: “Studying the Bible”

*News headline on Yahoo: “Bush has two moles removed from temple” (this could totally be taken two different ways)
*Lucas: “Who would you like to violently evaporate?” (playing Mafia)
*Jen: “Welcome to New Hampshire! ...I mean Massachusetts!”
*Sondra: “What is it about us with men?” (to Deborah during a game of Guess Who?)
*Deborah: “You’re just gonna lay in a cold box for the rest of your...oh. You’re already dead.”
*Jen: “Belch it out, guys” (for singing)
*Sondra to Billy: “Just think, you could be related to Joel.”
*Joel to Becky: “Much as I love you, I just can’t marry you.”

*Joel: “Are you quizzed out?”
Ryan: “Yes”
Joel: “Why do I get the feeling you’re lying?”

*(Hannah knocks chair over)
Joel/Jess, at the same time: “Shhhh!!!” (laughter) … “She just made a joke and she doesn’t know it.”
Hannah: “What joke?”

Today was the Ash Wednesday chapel. I learned that Sundays are feast days, in which you can enjoy what you've given up for Lent, as a way of celebrating and looking forward to the Resurrection. I definitely need this time of Lent, to be able to figure out (or try to at least) what God wants me to do. And you know, without Facebook to continuously check, there's only so much you can do online (so it seems right now). Hopefully I really use that freed-up time to actually read my Bible and pray.

I got to talk to Jen for a good long while tonight...It was really cool. I made fun of her at times, but all in good fun. Erin comes tomorrow to visit for Honors weekend, and I'm pretty excited. :)

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know I'll never be the same

Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I want to see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord

When I climb down the mountain
And get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again

Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory
I can't live without You