Saturday, October 27, 2007

a sneaking suspicion....

Thoughts after reading Oswald Chambers for Thursday:
I'd like to make an impact on these youth, but more importantly, I want Christ to be in their lives. Doesn't matter what I do.
It's not about what I do or how well I can connect with people. What's important is that I am giving them opportunities to encounter Christ and His love, and that I am someone God could use. The rest is up to Him.
It's not important what I can do for or with youth/people I minister to. It's important that I am following Christ, that I am encountering His grace and love and learning His word. God will take it from there. That's all I have to be concerned with.

Then, chapel with Bob Skinner, missionary to the Ukraine:
"Ok, God, you want football? I want You."
"Send me!" --he said yes to where God was sending him
God needs to know we want Him more than anything else in this world

My devotional for today was titled, "The Method of Missions" (also Oswald Chambers).
"Yet you cannot make disciples unless you are a disciple yourself."
" 'Don't rejoice in successful service--the great secret of joy is that you have the right relationship with Me' " (in essence what Jesus said, Luke 10:17-20)
"His one and only purpose is to disciple men and women to Jesus."
challenge to the missionary: Do we believe that Christ is able to do this? (Mt 9:28)

So what I'm thinking here is, is God trying to tell me something? i.e., is He calling me to be a missionary, get involved in ministry somehow for the rest of my life? Yeah, teaching middle schoolers (and doing it well) is a form of ministry/missions, and we are all called to reach out to those in our own communities, but could God be calling me to something bigger?

I don't want to overthink or underthink this, nor do I want to say something decisive too soon and face the possibility of going back on it.

little later....
I was working on my math homework, and the song Alive by Rebecca St James started playing on my iTunes. This line caught my attention: "It's only when I let go of what I want in this life." Could God maybe actually want me to do YIM next summer? I don't know. What I do know, is I need to take Adolescent Development next summer otherwise I don't graduate on time. Unless they'll let me walk the stage (is that the phrase) and take the course later. Cuz graduating with my class is pretty important to me. This just opens a whole new can of worms...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

waltzing....matilda?

Tonight was a fun night at the Homecoming Banquet. This is the first time during my college career that they've had a banquet type thing--well, last year they had something in the caf, but it was included with dinnertime. This time they had a dressy thing in the gym, "A night in Paris" (think Eiffel Towers and random lamp posts and lights all around). I wasn't too fond of the idea of going, and dressing up (mostly cuz I'm a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl whenever possible), but I borrowed a dress from Jen and ended up going.

It was a lot of fun to see people dressed up. I was a wallflower for the most part--and this night was the closest I've ever been to a school dance (I never went to high school Homecoming dances or prom). After a while, I lost track of my roommates (you would think that might be impossible), so I hung out with Lucas KP (one of my quizzers) and Jen. Lucas was looking quite dapper, dressed up, and with his shirt tucked in! Can it be? :)

After the coronation (which does seem somewhat overdone--let's show life picture slideshows and then put capes and crowns on two individuals, and let that be that), while people were leaving, Jen was trying to get rid of all the leftover food (she had worked for the catering). We kept telling people to take as much as they wanted--people left with napkinfuls and boxfuls of cookies and pocketfuls of carrots--just to have it gone. It was quite fun. (I, however, managed to walk out with NOTHING--somehow that slipped by Jen)

After a while, there were just a few of us non-SGA folk still around, and Jen started teaching us how to waltz. I won't remember tomorrow how to do it. First she showed us altogether, and then we all paired off. So yup, I danced with Justin and then Paul, and it was fun--I'm not 100% coordinated, but maybe with practice?

Yeah, Nazarenes don't dance. But this Nazarene did tonight. Haha.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

many options

So I have many options on where to go upon graduation. Here are just a few:

~teach in MD. ordinary/everyday option.
~teach in MD then go elsewhere
~Boston Teacher Residency (www.bpe.org/btr)
~teach in an international school in Bulgaria
~teach anywhere.
~WHO KNOWS!?!

whatever, God.

You know, I must say I needed that reminder tonight....

Every week, on Wednesday nights, I try to go to Wolly's youth group, where a number of my quizzers are. It lets me see them again, and see how they interact with the others in the group, and see what they are being taught.

Tonight, I debated about going. You know, homework, studying for an exam, and just plain relaxing in my room for an hour and a half. Not to mention, I feel like I just sit there and don't make any major contributions to the group. With that in mind, why go? Will it make a difference to those teens if I go? Wouldn't I have the same effect on them if I just stayed in my room?

I chose to go. When I got there, they were playing Birds on a Perch, so I sat next to Michelle and watched the game (quite entertaining sometimes). We then watched Rich, a Nooma video, and discussed our wealth and blessedness, and how we are saved to bless others. It's not just about us holding onto our wealth (we truly are rich compared to the rest of the world. remember the YIM training camp poverty meal), but about us using what we have to bless others.

Ally shared a story about a missions trip she took to Orlando. The first day she was there, she tore her ACL (?) and could not participate in any of the projects. She was rather disgruntled that she had come all that way to make a difference, but had to lay in bed all day. (She did try to help out, but that just made the problem worse.) When she returned home, she got an email from one of the maintenence guys at the elementary school where her team helped. He told her she had been an "angel" and had just encouraged him (and probably a number of others) through her words, because that's what she had to offer.

It reminded me of this summer. We handed out flyers, we invited people to church, we invited kids to play basketball, we hung out with kids at the parks. Did we always see results right away? Not always, but sometimes, yes. Did we get frustrated, and not feel like doing whatever it was again? Yes.

But did God still use us? Yes. He encouraged the pastors. He gave us great friends in Mexico and El Paso. He brought kids in contact with the churches. He used us to encourage the congregations in music (whether we were singing Battle Hymn of the Republic or Tu Eres Mi Respirar), in our service (painting a Sunday School room), or in just hanging out with our friends in the youth group who will be the future leaders.

I may not teach in Wolly's youth group. I may not lead games. I may not be remembered by half the kids. But for the kids that I have met (Corrine, Wes, Abi, and my quizzers)--well, I just hope that God will use me however He wants, and I will remain available in whatever way. Whether that means I actually connect with the teens this year in a substantial way, or whether I teach the college age Sunday School class, or whether I can chaperone for a one day kids' missions event--whatever it is God has for me, I want to do, and not to have things my own way. "But, God! I really wanted to do this kids' missions event! And I have to travel HOME!?! WHY!?! This is a one-time thing.......I'm glad I went home."

I made a list, wrote down from A to Z
All the ways I thought that You could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense
I laid it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case, presented my defense
But then I read the letter that You sent me
It said that all You really want from me is just

Whatever, whatever You say
Whatever, I will obey
Whatever, Lord, have Your way
'Cause You are my God, whatever

So strike a match, set fire to the list
Of all my good intentions, all my preconceived ideas
I want to do Your will no matter what it is
Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh, Lord, give me the courage and the strength to do

(chorus)

I am not my own
I am Yours and Yours alone
You have bought me with Your blood
Lord, to You and You alone do I belong
And so whatever

(Steven Curtis Chapman, "Whatever")