Sunday, December 31, 2006

2007 Here I come!

Well folks, it's the end of 2006. I suppose I could make some rather interesting entry, but I think what I'm going to do is read through my Xangas from the year. That should be interesting in itself. But here is some of my year in a nutshell:

~Belize and Guatemala
~more quizzing, and going to regionals
~showing up to two MAD Impact weekends, unannounced or so
~turning 19 (not terribly exciting)
~writing letters and getting cards from friends at camp
~being introduced to new music
~hearing Michael Card and Rob Bell speak
~seeing Mat Kearney in concert
~having a crazy semester
~growing closer to God
~having friends visit campus (whether Angel and my cousins this fall, or people at FOL)
~getting really involved in quizzing this year
~babysitting a LOT
~working at CAS

Hmm that's about all I've got right now. I'm going to watch the video for this song, and leave you with the lyrics and also the video. It's called "Wonder of It All (Next Year)" by Monday Morning.




all my hopes and dreams inside
visions lurk behind my eyes
something new behind it grows
and You smile as my heart knows
to be another still with You
I’m the one that loved You through
but I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing next to You

what I’ve seen and where I’ve been
what’s breaking out and breaking in
who I love and I despise
melting into compromise
how I’ve changed and how I’ve learned
becoming less becoming more

but I’m still nothing next to you
I’m still nothing without you

the sickness my mind’s battled long
the center of my every song
the beauty of my voice it fades
into a spiritual cascade
flowing from Your perfect smile
I’ve avoided all the while
but I’m still nothing next to you
I’m still nothing next to you

all the future seems unclear
never moving never near
but You hold me as I scream
wake me from my wicked dream
something out there waits for me
hand in hand we wait for it
but I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing without to You

and the wonder of it all is I’m still standing
and the wonder of it all is we’re still standing
never planned it
and I wonder where I’ll be next year

will You stand right next to me
will You hold me faithfully
should I question all these things
what makes me so deserving
of something that I’ve thrown away
coming back for me today
when I’m still nothing next to You
I’m still nothing next to You

hearts are broken just to mend
when will my brokenness end
lending my mind to dreams it seems
some things are never meant to be
but faith it lingers as I die
inside surrending I cry
I’m still nothing next to You

I’m still nothing without You

and the wonder of it all is I’m still standing
and the wonder of it all is we’re still standing
never planned it
and I wonder where I’ll be next year

time is a broken dream
time is an
endless change
time is an offering
time has an endless sting
time has a world to bring
time, it’s a broken dream
mended while lovers sing

and the wonder of it all is I’m still standing
and the wonder of it all is we’re still standing
never planned it
and I wonder where I’ll be next year

I'm ready for the possibilities....2007, here I come!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

spring schedule

First, J-term:
~Human Exceptionalities from 8:30-12:30, with a break somewhere in there, along with lunch
~Working at CAS, maybe 6-9 hours a week
~Babysitting anywhere from 2-4 hours a week
~Quizzing once a week for an hour and half
~plus studying, plus the quiz meet the first weekend
Doesn't seem too bad.

Spring Semester:
~Arts and Music
~Science and Religion
~Christian Tradition
~Educ Psych
~Linear Algebra (4 credits)
That's pretty intense. Now add:
~about 6 hours of work at CAS
~2-4 hours a week babysitting
~quizzing each week and quiz meets in February and March (I don't know about April)
~lots of reading/studying, I can feel it
~Not to mention preparing for YIM
Yikes!

I'm ready for it, I think. I got thru last semester okay. I want my independence back (i.e., back to the dorm!). This weekend I'm going to my dad's, and I get to visit the Easton church. Hooray!

Monday, December 25, 2006

"Body Piercing..." final quotes

Here it is, guys, the final installment. Maybe. I might have to split it again.

"'Darwin has had as big an impact on the evangelical church, maybe even more so than Jesus. Darwinism has set the tone and focus of the evangelical church in a way that's ludicrous.' By insisting that the Bible is an authoritative text on science, history, and the cosmos, Bazan said, the evangelical church has forced Christians to cultivate a faith that will "flounder" if the Bible's authority is challenged successfully." (132) Lately I've been learning that the Bible is not to be a science textbook or a history textbook. You can interpret historical events in the Bible in light of your textbook, but it's not to be a replacement. I almost feel like I have two timelines in my head--one that was taught in school and one from the Bible. The Bible one is linear, so that the Psalms happen AFTER the material in 1/2 Kings (or one of those history sections), as opposed to around the same time.

"Christians often complain that the mainstream media ignores Christian music, film, and art, and there very existence of their subculture presumes a need to set up an alternate universe with its own celebrities. The world outside this subculture is often portrayed as treacherous and best left alone." (155-6)

"[Contemporary worship music] is self-centered in a way that reflects evangelicalism's near-obsession with having a personal relationship with Christ. It's me Jesus died for. I just gotta praise the Lord." (159)

"The Jesus of worship music is a mentor, a buddy, a friend whose message is easily distilled to a simple command: praise me. Not 'feed the poor, clothe the naked, visit the prisoner.' Simply thank Him for His gift to you." (159)

"Now racism is viewed as much a personal failing, much like alcoholism, drug use, or any number of other moral shortcomings. That's been incredibly important in opening up the evangelicalchurch...allowing Christians to express disappointment at the moral blind spots of others while doing absolutely nothing further." (163) At my church at home, we have a few Japanese exchange students, little Michell (and occasionally her Nicaraguan mother and Puerto Rican dad), and that's about it. Very little diversity. I guess I can't say too much, cuz most of my friends from high school and church were white. Another thing I wonder at my church is the fact that within the past 8 years or so, we have had 3 couples get pregnant before they were married. What is lacking!?!? Where are we falling short as a church community? Just a side thought.

"[Casting Crowns'] lyrics challenge churches not to be so insular that they put off newcomers." (172)

"Christian people are taught to be ready to fight for their faith at a moment's notice. And to a certain degree, that is right. The Bible does say to be ready to defend the faith, but it's very clear that you're not supposed to sit around and nitpick at each other. It's one of the few clear things about the way you're supposed to treat your fellow brothers." (219-20)

"At the same time, I can't be worrying about every single little thing that's gonna offend somebody, because offending somebody and stumbling them are two totally different things." (222)

"College is the kind of place where, if you've grown up within the faith, you're gonna have to think through all this stuff and figure out what's yours and what was your folks' or the environment that you're coming from." (236-7, David Crowder) True story. I'm seeing that now...how my beliefs have shifted (honestly, to be a bit less conservative than I was before)...I'm seeing that morality and beliefs are not as clear-cut as I thought they once were.

"I think when Jesus was talking about the kingdom of heaven, he's speaking of the here and now, and we've got to make a difference in the way we treat people, the way we're responsible with the societies that we live within." (240--David Crowder)

"Somewhere in my heart is longing for something honest and eternal, and all I see is fads and corny T-shirts and young kids who were mostly raised and taught what they should think and haven't had a chance to question it." (263) This summer while I was home, I sat in on the teen Sunday school class, and it basically seemed that the teacher was teaching Creationism AT the class, with very little questioning.

"If I have two jackets, and this person doesn't have one jacket, I give them my extra one. That's just pure common sense. Our conscience tells us that, our Scripture tells us that, our reason tells us that. The only thing that doesn't tell us that is our greed, and the Devil, and the powers of this world who say, What's mine is mine." (263--Weiss) Lately (and not cuz it's Christmas), I'm trying to work through a lot of my stuff and try to live more minimally somehow. I'm not sure how it will ever work, since I'm a packrat. :)

"You know what Jesus called us to do is to come and die, suffer and sacrifice, lay down our lives for other people. Not try to live the most comfortable life we can or have a whole lot of fun or look a certain way." (264) Sometimes I feel like my youth group's activities are oriented around fun activities, meant to bring new people into the youth group. But yet the only discipleship things available are quizzing and Sunday school. Not a bad selection, but it just doesn't seem deep enough. I don't know.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

a walk down memory lane

The past day or so, I've been looking at old pictures. I dug out an old diary thing from when I was about 8, and it's this American Girl guided journal thing. There's a map of the US, and it has you put hearts where you want to visit, and stars where you've been.

Here's what my 8 or 9 year old mind was like:
I had already been to Massachusetts (fall 95), Florida (age 4), and Minnesota. But I had hearts placed on New York (visited at age 11), Florida (visited at age 13 and 15), the Four Corners, Virginia (been there a few times), Hawaii (too bad I can't go in J-term), and Colorado (went in '05). The random funny ones that I have no idea why I put them there are Wisconsin, Texas, Georgia, and Missouri (but I will be going there in May for YIM haha). The IRONIC ones are that I wanted to go to Illinois (funny...visted Olivet at age 17, and will probably go out there again soon) and Mexico. How funny is THAT?!? Wow.

We finally found the photo of Adam and I at ENC when I was 8, standing with two A Cappella members. Sure enough, Dorothy from South Weymouth is in that picture. Hahaha.

"Some of the best things about growing up are..." "having nice teachers in school and doing multiplication". I was/am such a dork.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

"Body Piercing..." quotes part two

I have TONS of quotes to put up, and I don't want to force you to read them at once. So here's installment #2.

" 'The biggest category of God's word' in the Psalms, [Kaiser] says, 'has to do with pain, struggle suffering...God doesn't answer every one of our prayers; nor should He." (32) Reminds me of when Michael Card came to ENC and talked about laments.

a cliche: "Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable."(49)

"Some people, they have a kind of narrow focus that usually widens later on. But I think Christians don't have a monopoly on truth. You can learn about truth from any other religion...pull truth from various sources." (52-DvP) The part about a narrow focus becoming wider is what has been happening to me since going to college, I think. But as far as the truth thing, you can find things that are true, you can also find things that reflect the Truth.

"In focusing on individual belief, evangelicals have necessarily focused on individuals....Poverty, hunger, abortion, drug abuse, and other such issues are approached as personal failings rather than social problems. Systemic elements simply aren't included in the equation" (65 from the book Apostles of Rock)

(Mark Driscoll) "In the Bible, we are told to be culturally relevant, love people who disagree with our Christian beliefs, and have friends and fun like Jesus did. Jesus was often invited to parties by scandalous people, was surrounded with large crowds who liked hanging with him, and was accused by stuffed shirt religious types of eating too much, drinking too much, and having the wronge kind of friends. But, Jesus never sinned. For example, he drank alcohol but did not get drunk, ate a lot but was not a glutton, and had some messed-up friends but never shagged any of the loose women who considered him a friend." (110) This is interesting considering one of my youth leaders once advised our teens to not hang out with their friends anymore if they started smoking or something. I've never been in that situation exactly, but I talk to friends that cuss and I don't cuss. Granted, maybe, in high school, I never let myself get close enough to people that I thought were too "out there" for my tastes, and maybe I could have, and not done the same things they did.

Ballmer about "dispensational premillenialism" (about end times): "this idea 'relieved evangelicals of the obligation to labor for the amelioration of social ills' and that they 'increasingly stood in judgement of culture and awaited its destruction, which would follow their translation into heaven.' In other words, all is not lost for unbelievers, but their salvation, much like their socioeconomic status, is their own responsibility." (122)
Sounds like they just sat there. And waited and twiddled their thumbs and waited some more. Interesting that the Nazarene denomination had such a great emphasis on helping the people on the streets (I think so anyway), and so much of the focus now is on international aid. Not a problem, mind you, but it seems at my church that if we just put some money in the offering plate we are making a REAL difference. Sometimes that's all we can do, but what if we took more of an interest in helping our neighbors....the ones that need help watching their kids, or need help learning to read, or to know English, or tutoring, or opening our homes to disconnected individuals? Instead of keeping in our own little Christian circles, and having people come to us, we should take the initiative and look in our own backyards.

"'As far as I'm aware, drink is mentioned in the Gospels three times,' Stockman replied--none of them having to do with prohibition. Social justice, on the other hand, is something Jesus talks about a lot." (135)

"Body Piercing Saved My Life"

I'm working on reading this book, about Christian rock, and these are some quotes including some of my thoughts about them...

"Christian bookstores, reasonably, decided to take the path of least resistance--to sell music and artwork that couldn't possibly offend any of their customers--and the Christian music industry was relieved to give the bookstores what they wanted....Their pleasant music had lyrics that rarely strayed from safe themes like gratitude toward Jesus and was an ideal soundtrack for evangelical Christianity's new place in the culture--a refuge from a morally ambivalent world where doubt and relativity ruled." (29) So THAT'S why it can make the claim "safe for the whole family"--because it won't offend. But yet Jesus did not come to bring peace....this goes back to the issue of being in our "comfort zone". How are we supposed to grow if we have our own little cushy area? I admit to listening to mostly "Christian" music, which I mostly decided based on their record label, who they toured with, and if they were at the major Christian festivals. Lately though, I've been expanding my horizons--still watching what I listen to though, reading the lyrics and seeing what they're actually saying....testing them.

"Christan bands were making money, but, artistically, they were often a joke." (32) Uh yeah. Like all the female vocalists that sound the same, and following the trends of the mainstream instead of doing their own thing first. Or just being plain annoying.... "Van Pelt issued an impassioned call to Christian bands to try to surpass general-market bands, not just aim to be as good." (46)

"There's this whole subtle idea behind Christian music that you always have to be telling people about Jesus. It's ludicrous because no one who isn't a Christian would ever want to listen to that music." (34)

"We're Christian by faith, not by genre." (42, Tim Foreman of Switchfoot)

"A weakness of Christian music is that it's a subculture, and it's a smaller goldfish bowl, so mediocrity can be perceived as excellence." (50- Doug van Pelt)

"It's not right for me to judge a band by its religious beliefs, just as it's not right for those bands to beg me to find God." (65)

"I mean, missionaries in Europe are drinking, smoking cigarettes, sharing the Gospel; you know, they still don't die young because they're walking around, exercising, riding a bicycle. Meanwhile, big fat Christian pastors in the South are keeling over at forty-five from heart attacks." (68-Ebel) The thing is moderation, of course.

American exceptionalism--the "idea that our country was called by God to be a shining 'city on a hill'." (87)

"In fact, Mars Hill...was named for a place in Athens where the Apostle Paul used the words of contemporary poets and musicians in an attempt to convert non-Christians." (108). This is talking about the Mars Hill church in Seattle, not the one pastored by Rob Bell in Michigan. Basically, I don't think you can have a one-size-fits-all approach to telling others about Jesus. You can try, but it probably won't always work. Whether it's handing out random Bibles, or whatever, it may not work for everyone. There may be better ways of sharing Jesus's love with individuals.

(Driscoll again) "You ladies live your lives, but...expect your life to be completely interrupted when your husband comes along....Different place, different family, different friends, different." (111) This is a new perspective I've heard. Usually it's to find someone close to you, and to "match" yourself with them kind of a thing.

"Each of these men (Sufjan Stevens and Daniel Smith) has built a bigger audience outside the Christian subculture than within it, even while singing explicitly about faith." (116) I missed something. I guess that goes to show I haven't been picking up on the lyrics too much. Oh well.

"There's no harm in Christians engaging popular culture--in fact, it's 'probably blasphemous' to think there's such a thing as a 'secular molecule in the universe,' since everything is shaped by God" (118, talking about David Dark's lecture)

"Has forming Christian pop culture solved the problem? You're less safe when you think you're safe." (119, Ken Heffner)

Heroes

Thanks to some college friends, I started watching the show Heroes on NBC. While home on break, I just caught up with the beginning episodes that I missed. Here are some quotes (episode # is in parentheses). It's interesting to think of these ideas in terms of ourselves as people as well as being Christians and to be helping others.

"Although unaware of it now, these individuals will not only save the world, but change it forever" (1)

"to do something extraordinary" (1)

"Every hero must learn his purpose. Then he'll be tested and called to greatness." (1)

"Every ten year old wishes he had superpowers. And I got them." (1)

"....when the human heart can only find meaning in the smallest of moments" (1)

"By taking action we've changed something" (3)

"Don't give your heart to just anyone" (ad on NY subway in episode 4)

"We are all connected." (5)

"Every hero is on a journey to find his place in the world. But it's a journey. You don't start at the end. Otherwise they can't make a movie about it later." (6) haha

"In the end all that matters is love." (7)

"I'm gonna put this thing on YouTube and make like a million bucks!"
"YouTube's free, you idiot!" (7)

"When I'm by myself, I'm not really anything" (9)

"How do you stop an exploding man?" (9)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

words

So here I am: no more disguise, no longer blinded
(Charlie Hall)

Here I am tonight with my arms open wide
(Shawn McDonald)

Chase the dreams we're after
(Plumb)

I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone
(Shane and Shane)

You've been so faithful for all my years
(Jeremy Camp)

Take this life, won't you change this life
(Shawn McDonald)

I've been trying to practice my Spanish, and relearn some vocabulary...I talked to Darling tonight, who's from Nicaragua. Yay :). Mary Ann helped me out a bit, in figuring out that "to pretend" was "fingir". Something I need to remember how to do is to try to talk words through if I don't know them, like, "the thing that does this" so that I get the meaning across. Oh boy.

I'm going to DC on Thursday with Jocelyn. Hooray! We're going to this Bible exhibit, and two war memorials, and I guess whatever else we find.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

quizzing at home

Tonight was my first Wednesday night at home, and since I was able to go to my home church, I decided to go to quizzing. It was nice to enjoy our way of doing things, but at the same time, I was thinking of the differences between my home church's way and Wolly's way.

First, there's the time difference and the number of quizzers. We started at just past 7 and finished just before 8. Wolly has 12 quizzers, a number of ENCers, and Prof. We have Mr. Lucien, sometimes Mr. Norman, and Jen/Adam/Lauren J, Chelsea H, and my brother. It's a family thing. Haha. :)

The room and the way we sit reflects our team dynamics, I think. At Wolly, we are all in a circle, and that shows how the quiz teams are a community. A lot of different people talk throughout the time we are circled up. At home, Mr. Lucien will sit in the front, and we'll be in a sort of line next to each other, sort of like a classroom. He'll talk and we'll listen, maybe ask questions or add comments.

This week we went over chapter 18, and basically Mr. Lucien went through the material and explained why some things were signficant in terms of Paul's ministry and his later epistles, the geography of the area covered (and their modern-day names), and what some of the terms meant (like tentmaker). It was interesting that he also talked about the scattering of the Christians as time went on--because of persecution, so that they wouldn't stay clustered. He mentioned how Jesus had had them go on short jaunts on their own, as practice for later. Then they just ended up staying in the room all by themselves even after his promise in 1:8. We talked about how times of events were referred to in terms of reigns of rulers ("while Gallio was proconsul of Achaia").

With Wolly, for the whole group at least, there is more of a devotional approach/emphasis to it. We don't really get the historical context and interesting little details, because that would take a lot of time out of the competition practicing. I suppose individuals could do the research, but I think they're more focused on memorizing it.

I am, however, redwording my portion. It makes me chuckle how "Red" is a red word. :)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

saying it again...

Yes, everyone, I've said this a bazillion times, but I LOVE WOLLY QUIZZING.

Tonight was our last practice before all of us ENCers head out for break. Sadly, it was also Shea's and Jenny O's last practice ever. I'm wicked sad that they're leaving. Shea because there will now be a "Shea-shaped hole" in quizzing, in Science and Religion class next semester, and in life overall. Jenny O because she is cool and from out west and now has named what I'm doing next fall. :)

We "gave each other gifts" in the form of compliments, saying what we appreciated about the group as a whole, or about specific individuals. It was wonderful. Especially the goodies Sondra brought.

First of all, Lucas kept us all laughing...not constantly, but still. He asked me if the little koosh type dinosaur was edible (the one that looked like Jennie's Phillip). Ohhh Lucas. He shared at least 5 times, and Prof stopped him after 5 (or so). One of the times, he couldn't remember what he was going to say (seems to happen a lot?), and said something along the lines of 30
seconds would pass, and then he'd get it wrong, but then remember. Haha.

Second, it was just good for everyone to see that they were appreciated for SOMETHING, even if it's not always said. Like me with my organization and "logic"--"It's a good logic, it's not a mean logic," Luke said. Heh. And then a little while later, I was like, "Hey guys, for all this talk of organization, Jenny O's card seems to have vanished." Then it was found. :) You also had the people who were simply described by their names--Preston and Andrew. :)

So yeah, I'm definitely a "words of affirmation" type person. :) Pastor Mike called me right
before dinner!!!! I haven't talked to him in what seems like eons! I only got to talk to him for a little bit before eating, but I'm going to call him Saturday once I'm done with stuff. I can't wait to catch up with him later.

I can't wait to hear about YIM...though...one of my references didn't get in to them. Hopefully that'll be fine. If God wants me to go, I'll go. Easy as pie, right? I hope so.

I have to study now for Foundations of Ed and Calc 3. Gross. At least the room is quiet for right now. These next few days are going to be some intense days of working and studying. BUT...at least I'm done with CAS for the semester!
Kbye.

Monday, November 27, 2006

figuring it out?

I'm beginning to take things into my own hands again, in regards to one major thing: the YIM trip. I don't even know if I've been accepted, and I'm coming up with ideas and potential plans. Like--how to raise money, what to do for the rest of the summer, etc.

I guess since this would be a pretty big thing is why I want to try to get as much "figured out" as possible, and not rely on God so much. I'm not exactly stressed about it, it's more that I sit here and attempt to plan it all out when I've not even been accepted, and potentially two of my references aren't in yet. Technically THAT'S what I should "stress" about if I stress about anything.

Even so, I should be focusing more on my schoolwork (and not writing in here), probably actually going to bed at this point. I have about 2 more weeks till I go back home, and I have so much to get done....It's getting done on a step-by-step process, little by little. These next two weeks are going to be wicked intense, and maybe I'll be a hermit or something, maybe live in the library a good bit.

I've been doing some thinking about the whole idea of "love languages" (there are about 7.3 books about it), and about what mine is. There are five altogether: words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and two more (I can't remember at the moment). Everyone gives and receives in these ways, but some more than others. I think I'd prefer to receive "words of affirmation" in the form of letters/cards/emails/notes/phone calls, and give "gifts" to express my love for others. I think. Oh yeah, so I need to get started on Christmas cards.

Goodnight. :)

There you go changing my plans again
There you go shifting my sands again
For reasons I don't understand again
Lately I don't have a clue
Just when I start liking what I see
There you go changing my scenery
I never know where you're taking me
But I'm trying just to follow you

(chorus)
It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league

There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands

There you go healing these scars again
Showing me right where you are again
I'm helpless, and that's where I start again
I'm giving it all up to you

(chorus)

Move me, make me
Choose me, change me
Send me, shake me
Find me, remind me
The past is behind me
Take it all away
Take it all from me, I pray

(chorus)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

things I've learned

Things I've learned during Fall Semester 06:
~There often exist no happy mediums in Munro--it's either really warm or really cold.
~Prof Shea is my mother's cousin's roommate's sister.
~Boston truly is a rather small and easily navigated city (at least on foot).
~People are growing up and making me feel old.
~The Silver Line bus has to switch from electric to motor power at Silver Line Way, which is why it stops there.
~Friendships require work.
~how to better manage my time
~If you have a book to read for class, and it's a classic, chances are you can find it in the library and save yourself a few bucks.

Things I'm still trying to figure out:
~LIFE.

That's about it for now.

Monday, November 13, 2006

a solution to the drama?

You know what would just solve all this drama? Aside from everyone just talking to each other, and being honest...

A few of our own Jerry Springer episodes. You know, everyone shouts at each other about what they can't stand about them, or accusing them of stuff...though, I don't know that I've seen a success story from Jerry Springer...I don't know that I've seen a full episode either.

So maybe not.

I am finding that by cloistering myself in my room, and barely talking to most people anymore (with the exception of quizzing, Angel, and a few others), I don't have any drama. But yet, running away isn't the solution. It'd be nice, though.

Relationships take WORK. There's one particular friendship I'm thinking of right now, where it could just be easiest to let the friendship wither away. But I don't want things to change, even
though we've changed. I don't know what this change means for our friendship, and it's gonna be tough trying to figure things out.

We can't make it through life on our own. Remember "About a Boy"? Last year, I feel it was that I was relying on people, and spending so much more time with friends that God got pushed to the side. This year, I am focusing on God and schoolwork and not so much my "friends". Schoolwork almost requires it to happen, especially right now.

Make the effort. I know I need to.

[on a lighter note]

Aunt Lori and I left MD at 7:11 pm last night, and I got back to campus at 3am. That was followed by 4 hours of sleep, an hour of class, 2 more hours of sleep, and then class again. Then more work.

But it was great seeing my youth group people, and the little kids in the church. At the afterglow, I ate with Kevin (3), and he wanted some of my "puppy chow" stuff (I told him not till after eating the food his mom gave me for him). I asked him if he wanted some of his hot dog/popcorn/etc, and he said no. Having observed John Mark getting him to eat Saturday night, I was like, "Here, Kevin, havea bite." So he ate.
Kevin: "Mommy, I found Jessica" :)

We're getting down to the end, guys!!! ACK!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

home and church

Being at my home church was pretty nice. I went to the other adult SS class, which I liked. Apparently the pastor's wife is going to start a young-adult age class next month. I wonder about it. Aside from the fact that many college agers are away at college most of the time, is it going to meet our needs? Ok, so that's selfish sounding. Maybe, rather than that, will we be able and willing to contribute to the class, and the way we actually view things, and how theology plays itself out in our lives? I'll just have to wait and see.

I talked to some of the teens today, but not too much. They're doing the service tonight, "Second Sunday Concert Series", and will be doing some songs and drama stuff. Yay! I'll actually be around for it! I didn't think I would be, so that's exciting. Maybe Jamie will actually come.

Pastor McDonald preached on ACTS (!!!) 9:1-6 today, and when I talked to Jen afterwards, she said, "I heard, then thought, 'Chapter 9'...I should know that..." haha. I can't wait to see her and Chelsea this weekend! (and Angel too)

Delaney, after service, was at the microphone calling out, "Everybody, gather up!" (to hear her sing). haha.

I could never live at home and have to do college classes and stuff. It is far too distracting, even being here for the weekend. I've done some studying and paper-writing, but this environment means relaxing, taking a break, and my dorm room says: "DO WORK!" See? I'm typing a blog! This reminds me of the summertime, keeping in touch with everyone from ENC.

Last night was AMAZING. We asked Pop-Pop, on a scale of 1-10, how he thought the day went, and he said 20. Awww. :) He was totally surprised to see Aunt Lori and I, and remembering how it took him FOREVER to notice us makes me laugh. 85 people ended up showing up, from both Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop's sides of the family, as well as church family. I got to see family that I don't usually see, like Mom-Mom's sister Aunt Mary (I love her). I did see a
bunch of Coheys, but I see them all the time, so if I miss seeing some of them at the holidays, I won't be terribly heartbroken, since I got to see them. It was nice talking to Pastor McDonald for a little while too. It was fun seeing the little kids last night, like Roman and his yoda-like ears. He's getting so big.

Kevin: "Do you like cold ice?"

Today Kevin asked me if I was going to school, cuz he seems to understand that I'm not always there because I have to go to school, far away. He was kicking his feet against the toybox, as he swung his feet, and was like, "This is like a bass drum".

I'm still trying to figure out my new niche back at Chestertown church, or if I have one other than being the grown-up kid that isn't quite grown-up. Some validation or something would be nice, but I mean, I'm rarely there, so there's not much I can do. Probably over Christmas I'll do nursery a few times, and see if Beth can use me with the teens. Maybe I'll ask her tonight.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

life as a college student

Life right now:

The Good:
~I got a 100% on my Educ. exam and a 98% on my Linguistics one.
~Walmart's Trail Mix is really good.
~I'm understanding what we're doing in Calc 3 right now! There's a little bit that I don't quite get, though.
~Concentration Camp was last weekend, and it was super amazing. I'll put quotes up later.
~I babysit tomorrow. :)
~I'm unofficially going to the quiz this month. Meaning, I'm going to fulfill my Wolly duties but not being an official since I'm going home for the weekend. (shhh)
~I got my Wolly quiz t-shirt tonight! YES! First ever!
~I'm almost done Christmas shopping for my family--I just need to get something for Mom-Mom and Dad.

The Bad:
~I have 2 papers due Friday, one of which I don't want to do but I need to quit saying that.
~I need to do laundry this weekend.
~I'm not sure what I want to be "when I grow up." "Yo no quiero ser grande; soy un chico Toys R Us"

The Ugly:
~I have, as of this moment, 86 meals left to last me till the end of J-term. This means some strategic eating on my part.

Now to organize what I'm taking home (yes, that is NEXT weekend, but it gets me out of doing homework).

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

so little time

It feels much later than 11:02 pm.

This semester I've been really busy. My days are pretty full, with classes, work, homework/reading, quiz practice, babysitting, or running errands of sorts. This semester, as compared to last year, is a lot more hectic, and a lot more work, and a lot more jampacked.

I have said a thousand times how much I love quizzing, but I'll say it again. I love quizzing a whole lot! Tonight after practice, when I went to give Andrew the calc book, Jennie and Sondra came over and talked to me for a bit. Then we saw Lucas too, who was excited to see us.

I'm learning a lot about ministry and my spiritual gifts through quizzing.
1. Ministry is draining work, when you throw your entire self into it.
2. I've realized the body of Christ metaphor (1 Cor. 12) in my part of Wolly quizzing. I was kinda jealous that others were the go-to people in terms of advice, and wished that it could be ME that they went to. I thought and prayed about it that night, as I wrote in my journal, and realized that my part is behind the scenes, and maybe the others' can actually do a better job at their roles than I think they can/give them credit for. The position works for me: it allows me to be my introverted self, and to be organized and such. I like it. Not to mention it frees up everyone else to do their jobs.
2b. My spiritual gifts are Helps, Service, Knowledge, Missionary, Encouragement, Hospitality. Approximately in that order, averaged over a 3 year or so period.
3. I can still be interact with the quizzers, and try to encourage them. That's always exciting. It's really fun, and I can't wait for Maine this weekend. :D I volunteered to do the devotional a few weeks from now on Acts 12, although what or how I'll do, I have NO IDEA. But that'll be God working through me, and helping me know what to say.
4. In areas that I'm not as great in, I can't do a good job if I don't ask for help from God. For instance, I needed to reply to something the other day, and hadn't a clue how to word what I was saying, so I prayed for guidance and tact and all that good stuff, and it didn't come out half bad. Thanks, God.

As far as my days and minutes being packed, I'm serious. I haven't got much of a social life this year, outside of roommates, quizzing, whoever visits the room, Homecoming, and a few other things. I don't terribly mind. I'm realizing with my introvertedness, I'd much rather be close to a select few (though who those people are, I don't know), than to have a large circle of close friends. Something like that. Basically, I'm being really select about my social time, and putting studies and God first. I'm also watching my online time, like the time that I spend repeatedly checking Facebook, Hotmail, and Xanga. That time can definitely be better used.

I seriously have practically no time to think about boys. You know what I mean. I have no time to spend for a relationship right now, so therefore there's no thinking. Also, I have no time to think. It's almost nicer that way, to not think about things, but probably isn't good. I try to write in my journal and talk to a few close friends about stuff. I can't reach out to everyone, so I think my personality will make me intensely reach out to a few.

Compared to last year at this time, I think I've learned more from God. I'm pretty excited that my spiritual life is improving. Though as I write this, I realize how incredibly sterile that sounds. English classes: agh. Because I'm selective with my time, I'm more conscious about what I'm doing, and that in order to survive, I have to take breaks as well as talk to God about stuff. I'm still working on the reading-books-of-the-Bible-other-than-Acts part.

I have a C- in Calc 3. That's the lowest grade I've EVER gotten. I'm challenging myself to hopefully pull off a B in the class. I'm not sure how it'll mess with my GPA, but since my GPA has been pretty much fine since now, it shouldn't do too much damage. This semester has a lot more work, but that may be because in addition to doing about the same amount of reading, I'm also writing more papers than I did last year. Everything will be getting more intense in these next two weeks, with due dates and group projects and stuff, so if you can pray for me, that'd be super.

People have changed. I've changed. I've drifted from people I was once close to, and have made new acquaintances due to work and classes. Sometimes I wish I could always have the same people in my life, and that things would not be sketchy or awkward, but changing circumstances have shaped me into my current state. Friendships take work, something I have noticed, something I want to fix, but something that I am unwilling to make the effort to improve.

I really miss my Spanish. I momentarily met a Spanish professor as he picked up a test at CAS today. Jenny is doing a sort of Nazarene "study abroad" thing, where she's still enrolled at NNU but is taking classes here for a semester. I mentioned tonight at quizzing, slightly bitterly, "I wish there was a way for me to take Spanish at Olivet and actually have it count for something here!" Prof responded, "Well, why not?" I MISS SPANISH. ENC with all its diversity should have it!

As I am moving into a form of rant, I think I'm going to head to bed. It's now 11:56, but I haven't been writing all that time. Too bad I can't write papers like this.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

role model

It seems to me that if you are thrust (or just merely placed) in a leadership role, you are very much expected to work a lot harder to improve your skills, in order to be a role model. My two situations are quizzing and my Teaching Composition class (also working at CAS).

With quizzing, I am continually needing to be a spiritual role model, which means that I need to continue growing closer to God. And reading my Bible and praying and stuff. Not that that is always happening, but it should.

As far as Teaching Composition and working at CAS, I feel like my writing skills have improved this semester--maybe it's because I'm writing more papers or something. In order to actually be able to help others, I have to adhere to a higher standard.

Basically, I'm just feeling really challenged right now, to keep growing spiritually and academically. Last night I was being really philosophical and pensive and wanted to write stuff that I had thought about the Lauren Winner thing, but I decided it was much better (and required less work and time to write) to discuss it with people.

Vermont tonight!

*edit a few days later*
This is a quote I found in a teaching writing book, of all places. It totally fits.

"The developmental importance of ecological transitions derives from the fact that they almost invariably involve a change in role, that is in the expectations for behavior associated with particular positions in society. Roles have a magiclike power to alter how a person is treated, how she acts, what she does, and thereby even what she thinks and feels." (Bronfenbrenner)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

it's not always peachykeen

...from relevantmagazine.com....
"Student ministry is numbers-driven. If you don’t have a large number of students attending, you must be doing something wrong; either that, or the kids don’t think you’re cool. ...If your ministry isn’t growing, the parents will start clamoring for a new youth pastor, someone more entertaining, someone who doesn’t turn their kids into “radicals,” someone who will teach the kids to be “good boys” and “good girls.” " (The Art of True Rebellion)

I sometimes feel this way about my youth group, like we just do "fun" things and nobody's really challenged, and we're talked "at" and don't really discuss stuff. It's ministry and church, not entertainment. What if we started asking them what God's been doing in their lives, how they're living for God?

"The goal of ministry is to promote pure living, but to instill a heart for social justice as well."

I feel like our youth group is all about bringing our friends to fun events, and not really how to reach out to people and meet their needs even if we're uncomfortable with their lifestyles. This as in contrast to avoiding anyone who could "corrupt" us.

"We once did an event called “Destination Unknown,” taking the kids to an undisclosed location for a night of fun. Some members of our group were conspicuously absent. One mom reported to me that she didn’t send her children because, “We thought you would take them to some homeless shelter or something.” She went on to add, “By the way, when are you taking the kids to Six Flags? That’s the kind of thing they really like to do.” "

WHAT?!? We did a sort of Destination Unknown once, and it seemed like no one really knew what to do. There should be "training" (definitely NOT the kind found in the Jesus Camp movie) that gets teens into studying the Bible on their own, and growing closer to God, so that they will be prepared to live like Jesus did. Jesus wasn't about fun kitschy events.

"“Follow” is a verb. Something must be done in order to meet the requirements of the command."

You're going to have to work hard. You're not always going to be excited about the work you do. You're not always going to have a peachy keen life. It's a higher standard. You're not always around your friends. You're not always in your safe little Christian bubble. You're not always serving alongside the greatest of people. But we're, as a whole, not the greatest of people. We're called to serve others. We're part of the body of Christ. The hand can't say to the eye, "I can do your job better than you." It's not possible.

The end.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Mudhouse Sabbath

So tomorrow I'm in a book group to discuss Lauren Winner's book "Mudhouse Sabbath," and I'm just starting the book now (borrowing it from Laura). :) Here are some quotes I found interesting:

"In churches and homes everywhere people are increasingly interested in doing Christianity, not just speaking or believing it." (xi)

"Practicing the spiritual disciplines does not make us Christians. Instead, the practicing teaches us what it means to live as Christians." (xii) {idea that practice makes perfect? hmm...helps us to love God more, to love others more?}

"What this all boils down to (and boiling is another thing you cannot do on Shabbat) is do not create....Do not create anything at all, for one of the things the Sabbath reprises is God's rest after He finished creating." (6)

"The Hebrew word for holy means, literally, "set apart." " (9)

"Rest for the sake of future productivity is at odds with the spirit of Shabbat...In observing the Sabbath, one is both giving a gift to God and imitating Him." (11)

"To keep kosher is to infuse the simple act of feeding oneself with meaning and consequence." (17)

"The voice is talking not just about food, but also about people; the instructions are not simply to eat, but also to invite both Jews and Gentiles into the Kingdom of God." [Acts 10] (20)

"This God who is interested in how we speak, how we handle our money, how we carry our bodies--He is also interested in how we live with food." (21)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

magazine quotes

I suspect few of us face hurdles to "quiet time" anywhere near the ones she overcame. Yet we often give up when challenged by far less. And we suffer spiritual anemia when we don't figure out a way or a time slot to make it happen. (on boundless.org)

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been examining my faith—what I believe and why I believe it. That process has produced a wide range of emotion and revelation. Having grown up under the tutelage and influence of Americanized, western religious culture, I discovered that much of what I believed fit quite nicely into my preference for order and organization. In fact, what I really discovered in my beliefs about God and how He fit into my life could be packaged quite neatly into parameters and institutional definitions learned within the context of what we call “religion.” I could place it all in a box marked “God Stuff,” and set it on a shelf, right where it belongs next to the rest of my organized life. (relevantmagazine.com, An Unrestricted Jesus)

When I looked at Jesus, He seemed more concerned with feeding the hungry. ....Jesus said sell everything you have and give your money to the poor. ...I discovered that Jesus was more interested in defending the weak and marginalized. I could go on, because my box was quite full. As I unpacked the box, and stacked its contents up against the Jesus I rediscovered in scripture, I soon realized that God no longer fit in that box. He was so much more than, and nothing like, the religious ideology I had packaged Him with. And I discovered that I have so much more to learn, un-learn and re-learn about my faith. (An Unrestricted Jesus)

Elizabeth's encounter with Zsófi reminds us that evangelism is not a science. There are numerous methods that can help get us started, but no single method "works" in every situation. On the contrary, the very nature of telling the message of Jesus Christ to people requires sensitivity, discernment, and variation in style. (Taking Love Next Door, boundless.org)

This passage has oft been quoted as the missions passage that calls us to evangelize the world. But Jesus isn't interested in us just preaching the gospel; He commands us to "make disciples of all nations." Our evangelistic task is never finished when someone prays a prayer or walks an aisle. Jesus charges us not only to introduce people to His grace, but to help them grow in Christ. (Taking Love Next Door)

Evangelism is all about love — loving a person enough to share the message of Jesus Christ with him and loving him enough to teach him the commands of Jesus, the truths of Scripture, the walk of faith. Loving him enough to disciple him. It is the responsibility of the Church by the Spirit to guide people from pre-Christian life toward maturity in Christ, but it is our individual responsibility to make sure we connect people to the church and to God's truth. (Taking Love Next Door)

Friday, September 15, 2006

"open your eyes and take a good look"

Isn't it a bit unnerving/crazy/weird when you begin to see how things keep coming up, and you see the possibility of what your life could be that you NEVER would've come up with on your own? Interesting things are going on, that I think God may be prodding me in a certain direction, and I can look back and see how events/people in my life have brought me to this point.

Sept/Oct 06 issue of Relevant:
"Are you going to seek God, trust that He has a plan (even if it's one you didn't know about), and follow Him? Or are you going to keep your head down and try to keep life how it is, completely missing something He might've been trying to talk to you about?" (14)

"Learn what it means to love broken people. Don't turn away from the things you don't understand....Don Miller writes in Blue Like Jazz that "something was broken in the world and we were supposed to hold our palms against the wound." That's it. We're called to stop the bleeding. We're called to change the world." (28, twloha.com)

23-24 "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

34-35 Jesus said, "The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started. As you look around right now, wouldn't you say that in about four months it will be time to harvest? Well, I'm telling you to open your eyes and take a good look at what's right in front of you. These Samaritan fields are ripe. It's harvest time!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

a crash course in youth ministry

This weekend I went to Maine for a kickoff quiz retreat with the Wollaston quiz team. To describe the weekend in a nutshell, I think I'd have to call it "a crash course in youth ministry."

First off, I was immediately thrown into my role as "district liasion" or whatever you want to call it. Prof had me start collecting registration money, and I had to also figure out who had already given me money. Next time around, I'm making a checklist.

When we stopped for dinner at Wendy's, we discovered that Pudge (the van) had an issue with a radiator hose. Post-dinner we practiced In Christ Alone and Prince of Peace out in the parking lot, trying to get the notes the best we could, trying to organize the parts the best way. We ended up staying there for quite a while as Prof made calls to decide on the best course of action. Mostly I helped maintain order, and as well bonded with the quizzers so that I was no longer, "Who are you again?" We did some crazy stuff, like dancing to Switchfoot, singing random camp-type songs, and going in out of Wendy's a lot. This kid Drew hung out with us while his dad tried to help us out. Sweetness. The quizzers connected with him and let him join in on the fun. That was really cool.

We did make it to Maine, thanks to a Nashua van. Speaking of Nashua, I need to go find a thankyou card. We got to bed pretty late, almost 1:30, and then got about 5ish hours of sleep.

During the day, I "scorekept" (kept tally is what I figured was best for their King of the Hill type quizzing) in one room. At lunch Lori recruited me to quizmaster in a different area. Though I wasn't too sure about doing it, I went ahead, and was able to trade off a few times and get a break. I thought at times I was being too strict with my calls on the answers, but Prof said I was doing fine. I added little study/quiz tips here and there, like making up your own questions in your head. This one kid from "Skow" (Skowhegan?) said that actually helped him move up a room. Wow. Quizmastering wasn't as bad as I'd thought, because I was doing what seemed to be a mid-JV level. I was also really tired. :)

Part of the afternoon I was with the quizzers studying, as they waited for the other team. One was getting antsy, so I kept trying to give him new ways of studying. I also had one quizzer mention "Akel-damia" (like macadamia) instead of Akeldama, as well as say that the men that appeared to the apostles were "two white men" and not "two men dressed in white."

Worship was really good, and I was thinking during the day about this: I was absolutely exhausted but yet God was still using me, and keeping me going.

Last night in one of our Wolly girls' rooms, a few of us stayed up late talking about anything and everything. Mostly dating, God's beginning, mysteries that we can only come up with more questions for, the da Vinci Code, and reaching out. Amazing.

After breakfast, we headed out to the Brunswick church: a very small congregation with about 40 people (yes I counted as we sang). Prof had us mingling with the congregation, and the people I met included the father of a pastor in Delaware, as well as the uncle of a girl from Second Willy last year. At lunch I sat with this elderly couple. Dick was so funny. I said something about pepperoni, and he called it snakemeat, saying rattlesnakes were around. Jennie was like, "Really!?"

On our way home, we stopped in Freeport at the LLBean place. That was pretty cool, and I returned my backpack (with a broken zipper) and got a giftcard to order another online. Now I'm back at ENC, hopefully going to bed in a little bit since I'm so exhausted.

So would you youth-ministry types say I got a good glimpse into what it is like being involved in youth ministry?

Monday, September 04, 2006

gutsy faith part 1

This summer, I got Gutsy Faith by Jeff Edmonson for free in exchange for a book review. Finally I am getting around to it, using it as my devotional book. I don't know that I've really worked through a book completely--I usually have had the topical teen devotionals, and just skipped around.

Chapter 1 (introduction of sorts): I think I'm going to like the format of the chapters, with stuff to reflect on both in the beginning and at the end. I'm looking forward to being challenged, and growing closer to God this semester.

I think some of the questions at the end of chapter 1 should be rearranged. Maybe to this:
What does it mean to you to have a gutsy faith?
Name at least five people in the course of your life whom you see as having a gutsy faith.
Do you think of yourself as a person with a gutsy faith? Why or why not?
What characteristics do these people possess that you would like to see developed in your life?

I'm not sure about the last 3 questions, the ones on page 15: They seem a bit ...out of place perhaps? I'm not sure if "If not, why do you want to develop those characterstics in your life?" applies to the people question or the self question. In other words, they just seem nonlinear to me.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

back at college

Here I am, back at ENC, trying to get into the swing of things again.

Quote from something for World Lit: "It is only by participating in this divine life that mortal, fragile human beings fulfill their potential." (5)
"In the pre-modern world, when people wrote about the past they were more concerned with what an event had meant." (7)

My schedule looks something like this...
Foundations of Education
Teaching Composition
Linguistics
World (actually Western) Lit
Calc 3
also working at CAS, along with babysitting here and there.
Wednesday nights is Quizzing woohoo.

This weekend I have to read part of the Gilgamesh thing for World Lit...that class seems like it'll be really interesting and good....not to mention I have a bunch of friends in it. When I go home for Columbus Day weekend, I'm going to grab my AP Lit notebook to reference.

I'm not too keen on the Education class, primarily because I'm not 100% positive I want to be a teacher. Linguistics seems like it'll be really fun and interesting. The Composition class should be interesting...I haven't really had an English/writing course since senior year. Between these English-type courses, I am now getting conscious about my grammar/sentence structure. Oh boy.

I sort of have holes in my schedule--like Monday and Friday afternoons I'm not really doing anything. Despite the fact that I have to get up wicked early every day (7:15), it's nice because I'm done by 1pm. Maybe I should use that time to nap. That'd be smart.

The room situation is good...Magon and Shawn and I have a triple...quite interesting at times :)

Maybe now I'll do some reading or something. yeah. That'd be good.

Monday, July 24, 2006

rob bell = amazing!

Mmmm. Sounds like camp in my room (my windows are open).

Tonight, thanks to the cooler weather and the inspiration of Joy and I talking today, I went through a whole bunch of stuff in my attic. Old toys, school papers from middle school, etc. I have one box of stuff to give away, and 3 big trashbags that are each about half full of trash. Some of the stuff I found cracked me up. I still have yet to read my essays/creative stuff. I think maybe I oughta scrapbook some of them. That'd be fun, and a nice way to keep them.

Here's an interesting tally of things I found:
~ a Pog (remember those?)
~my Exodus scripture portion and quizzing stuff from that year
~a D.A.R.E. workbook with cartoon characters that are the same style as the Simpsons

Sooner or later I'll recover from this packrat syndrome of sorts.

But anyway, in greater news, I got to spend (part of) the weekend with people from the Easton church. It was amazing. Yesterday we went from the church to Arlington, VA....The highlights of the trip alone were taking pictures of things like the Pentagon (!) and a billboard that had a picture of a pig's head and "Does this billboard make my butt look big?" But our destination was to hear Rob Bell speak.

He was AMAZING. Whew. I can share some quotes and stuff but he talked about everything. For serious. "Everything is spiritual." And it wasn't a typical sermon type deal, with 3 main points or whatever. He just jumped right in when he got on the stage and said, "In the beginning...." and went on from there. AMAZING. Also hooray for dry-erase boards. "Yup." I took like 4 pages of notes in my journal, which I actually am almost finished.

As Jen put it (even though she wasn't there), he talked about "Life, the Universe, and Everything." haha.

On the way back we stopped at Carraba's for "dinner"--at this point it was about 8:30, and we didn't get seated till 9:30. Yikes. I had mezzaluna, which is some sort of ravioli type thing. I couldn't taste the spinach and Joy claimed there was chicken or something in there, that I wasn't sure I could taste. There were a lot of family stories shared at dinner. haha.

I spent the night at Pastor Kevin and Joy's (with only 7 week old Ryan there; the girls were elsewhere), and I got to hold Ryan a bunch while Joy got ready in the morning. Awww. They had cornpops there..."Spin the cornpops"

Lately people have been telling me they don't like babies. Have your own opinion, but having seen two baby boys this weekend (Ryan and 12 day old Roman), I must say, at first glance you can't tell them apart...cuz babies just seem to look the same. I've been babysitting 7 month old Cordelia, and just seeing the difference developmentally between them is crazy. Some babies are cute right away, or they're just cute because they're so little. Hm.

The service at Easton was pretty amazing. Something in Pastor Kevin's sermon I tied to both Brian McLaren and Rob Bell. Crazy.

And then, tonight, we watched this creation vs. evolution video. Rob Bell quote: "Faith or science? yup!" The movie had an intense "us vs. them" mentality going on. Crazy. I talked to Mom-Mom about it later (having Pastor Kevin's sermon in mind) and she said sometimes you have to have that separation, and can't always answer "yup"....Hmmm "Go go gadget brain!" and get ready for the fall! Yikes!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Let me just say today was a pretty fun day, and I'm really tired...here's how it went; a real update is coming tomorrow.

7:45 am Woke up, took shower, got ready to leave
8:30 am Left a few mins. early to go to Jocelyn's
9 am Got to Jocelyn's
9:30 or so, left Jocelyn's
10:15 Picked up Ben at Queenstown
10:45 I guess, got Darlene at the Scenic overlook

...parked the car...walked around downtown...a LOT...took pictures...laughed...ate at Chick & Ruth's...etc etc.

Then after that, around 3 I guess we left Annapolis. It took us half an hour to go from the Wawa on 50 to get over to the other side of the Bridge--what should've been maybe 10 mins with no beach traffic. I dropped Ben and Jocelyn off at Queenstown, went to a graduation party at Kristin's, went home, and then *deep breath!* went to babysit for about 2 1/2 hours.

..........edit..........

Wow, I was so tired last night I left my wallet in my pants pocket and forgot that I had put it there...until this afternoon.

Anyway, yesterday was a lot of fun. After getting Jocelyn, we were driving along and she told me to go right. So I went onto the right hand side of the road, but she was still insisting for me to go right. haha she meant left. Almost like Magon that night we were on the beach. We also saw some roadkill, which she thought was an armadillo, but I think it was a chicken....hence you can make some "chicken crossing the road" jokes.

Hmm let's see other interesting stuff....We wandered around downtown, looking in random shops...Darlene saw a little pottery bowl, that was so cute she said she wanted to pet it. They had what I figured were "chopsticks for dummies" but actually it was something to grab toast out of the toaster. We also went to a running store called "Gotta Run."


MD State House

We ate lunch at this "delly" called "Chick & Ruth's". I had a grilled chicken sandwich, Darlene and Ben had hamburgers, and Jocelyn had a "petite" salad--that was the size of a plate. We think the regular size would've been in another bowl we saw at the pottery shop. One time a woman came from behind us and we--well Darlene anyway--wasn't sure where she came from, and then realized she came from inside the bathroom. Haha.

We wandered around by the city docks...and took pictures of the boats in the harbor/river/whatever. Then we walked over to the Naval Academy, and walked to the chapel...that was cool. The stained glass windows on the sides as you walk up all have verses relating to the sea.

We then went back outside, and then down to the John Paul Jones ("I have not yet begun to fight") crypt, where his body is. It's basically this round room (I guess it's right under the rotunda of the chapel), kinda quiet and echoey, where a middie stands by the entrance like one of those Buckingham Guards--"I am going to glare straight ahead and freak you out and not at all break my stare or laugh". When I went there on a field trip years ago, some kids were being loud, so the guy yelled at them. It was kinda freaky.

So...Darlene and I had made it almost all the way around (Jocelyn and Ben were moving a little slower--I guess they were reading more of the stuff), when her cell phone rang. HAHAHAHA. The guy didn't yell at us; I don't even know if he looked our way. So Darlene's digging through her purse, handing me her wallet, her water bottle, her keys. But no cell phone. Finally it stopped, and then she discovered--it was in her pocket. LOL.

Kristin's party was pretty cool. I knew about 5 people there, the kids from QA. Scott's going to UMD to do Communications and Drama. Yay for him. And Megan's going to Washington College (right in town) for Elem. Ed I think.

Last night with Sarah and Hannah, I must have pretended it was Christmas about 5 times. We also threw these little parachute things a bunch of times. It was nice last night that the girls were getting along fairly well, and I didn't really have to sit and play actively with them the entire time (whew. finally had time to sit and rest)

Today John Mark's dad preached again, on the Samaritan woman at the well. This time I liked the sermon--except how he skipped a few verses "because they didn't relate to his sermon".

Oh, and here are some comics I especially liked today:

Pearls Before Swine Jul 02, 2006

Saturday, June 03, 2006

happy birthday Adam!

Not that he reads this, but today is my favoritest brother Adam's 15th birthday! Yay Adam!

I just got back from taking a membership class at my church. It was John Mark leading it, and there were about four of us in the class: me, an older woman, and a married couple. We spent a lot of time talking about "entire sanctification" (my conclusion: can people just agree on what words mean???).

The older woman was talking about how she used to be Catholic, and was trying to get my great-aunt to stop going to the Catholic church and come to ours. Geez...if they're happy there, growing close to God and being able to serve somehow, then let them go there. Catholics are still Christians. Something I did learn I think last summer was that maybe Catholics do their whole ritual thing because by doing it, that's how they recognize God's presence--and not necessarily by feelings.

And another thing, the Nazarene church is a "missional" church. But I just don't see what our local church is doing to "feed the hungry" and "clothe the naked" in this local area. Can't we just use the energy we spend on convincing everyone we're right, for serving others because that's what Christ did? We talked a little bit about how Jews aren't very accepting of Jesus as their Messiah, because He wasn't what they were expecting to see. But today, if Jesus were to come and live among us, would we expect him to be possibly homeless and hanging out with the people that most of us just pass on by?

If we can just apply that to our way of living...

(the following written on June 4)

I went to Bethany's graduation party yesterday...it was a lot more fun than mine was. We attempted to play volleyball, and then I watched people play wiffleball. I also realized I'd lost one of my rings, the one my dad got for me in Ireland...I'm hoping he'll get me another one.

Later on, we decided to go rent a movie...Bethany, Jess K (ha! she should be "J/K!"), Cassi and I went into Chestertown and got Memoirs of a Geisha but haven't quite finished it. One of the things that struck me as interesting was how they had their whole culture thing, with becoming geishas, while WWII was going on. It was so weird watching the movie, with all the Japanese actors, and then all of a sudden, the Western world breaks in and disrupts everything they knew. Hm.

Today at Mom-Mom's we had a birthday dinner for Adam, with mostly family there.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Christianity and Culture, pt. 4

(I feel like these posts are slightly improving in quality...as I hash through things)

The church cannot hide from culture. We need to be equipped to reach those in the culture.

You can either saturate yourself with what the culture says, or you can "take this world with a grain of salt" (if that's what the context of those lyrics actually is) and take all your cues from Christ, but still being aware of the culture. Basically, have a healthy perspective.

I need to read the gospel of John again. And the letters too. And Hebrews and Acts and Romans. And Proverbs. I want to do a study on Acts 1:8 and what each of the places represents.

Lately, I've been thinking about the passage from Hebrews about solid food being for the mature, having been feeding a 6 month old a combination of formula and a rice thing (basically, it's dried flaky rice with water added). "In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." (Hebrews 6:12-14) The last verse just got me--"constant use". Does that mean that we become mature by things happening to us that we have to distinguish good from evil? Something like that?

"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." (John 17:14-15)

"Do not love the world or anything in the world; The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." (1 John 2:15, 17)

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." (Colossians 2:8)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) This is striking me as two-pronged: keep yourself from being TOO influenced by the world, but also reach out to the ones that the world rejects.

...more Relevant magazine quotes, this time from an article about the book "The Irresistible Revolution"....

"The Gospel is not comfortable, says Claiborne, and it is precisely our comfort inside church walls, inside our own homes, inside our own prejudices that has kept Christians immobile and ineffective as agents of social change." I kinda feel like this is what it's like at my church. Sure, we have a strong missions focus, but that focus is on international stuff like banana boxes of clothes, Crisis Care Kits, and child sponsorship. We don't hear much about doing things for others in our communities. Our youth group is focused on, when we do fundraisers for youth events, using that money for the ones that come regularly. What about the people that really need to hear the Gospel lived out in our lives? Not that we do such a hot job about it all the time, but still.

"We are not transformed by staying at a safe distance, he says, no matter how much we tithe or how many times we drop off our clothes at the local shelter. “When the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning,” he writes. “And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end.” It is “falling in love with each other across class lines” that will make the revolution irresistible." Some "rich" have met some "poor," but it has been in the context of a short term missions trip, and then possibly dismissed and then used to guilt people into being charitable and such. I'm not knocking short term missions by any means; I have participated in one myself. It's just that sometimes the hype overrides the truth, the truth that requires action.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Christianity and Culture, pt. 3

(for parts one and two, see my blogger site -- http://postcardsfromlife.blogspot.com/)

This is from an interview with Derek Webb, formerly of the band Caedmon's Call. This was posted on www.relevantmagazine.com.

The italics are mostly my emphasis, and the stuff in brackets is my reaction.

RM: What does it mean on your new album when it says dont label my music?

DW: Its more of a personal liberty type comment, more than put a label on my music that I listen to so that I can discern between what is safe and right and what is dangerous and wrong. The whole secular/Christian thing, which is a total fiction, rather than just teaching me to listen to the Spirit and have the Spirit guide me into the truth and learn how to discern truth and beauty and find it in all kinds of places, which is more of the Francis Schaeffer model. Discern truth and beauty and dont put your faith in categories.

Don't let your local Christian bookstore do your thinking for you and believe that everything they have there for sale is good and spiritually beneficial to you. If anything, we have proven that the Church unfortunately is identified with really poor art. The Church certainly does not have the market cornered on beauty. A lot of what we do is not very beautiful. The art we make is not very good. A lot of the songs I have heard on Christian radio are just outright misrepresentations of the character of God.

[I totally agree with this. Christianity's subculture does not fit with today's American culture. There's a lot of tacky stuff out there, that's just been remade to say "Jesus" instead of "Reese's". Is that really what is going to bring people to Christ? A sterilized version of what the world has to offer?]

I think you have to learn to discern and look elsewhere and say, I need to learn how to engage with a God everywhere I can find truth and beauty, regardless of the intention of the maker of that art. I really believe that is a more biblical worldview. It also keeps us from being people who live in fear. There is no room for living in fear. There is no reason to be afraid. There is no reason to be fearful of secular music. We should learn how to chew on the meat, spit out the bones, to discern the truth and beauty, to commend that rather than to be just completely fearful and put all our security in these categories that dont mean anything. Its a dangerous way to live.

[Before this, my first year of college, and even a few years before that, my music collection was predominantly from the Christian music industry. Industry--just that. Pressed out to sound like tacky 80's music, all alike. I was wary of any mainstream groups, because I knew a lot of them used bad language, talked about sex, etc. I wanted to keep my ears pure. Yeah. Since going to (yes, a Christian one) college, and listening to my friends' music, I've broadened my interests. Actually that started beforehand I suppose. If not on a regular basis, I now have some interest in Weezer and other scattered songs here and there from individual groups that aren't marketed by Christians. When I hear a song that I like (you should go study the philosophy of aesthetics), I will then check out the lyrics. Yes, I do like the song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, however that one stinkin word has to mess it up for me, and therefore I prefer the censored version.]

[I would like to tell people to listen to Christian music because I know it's "safe for the whole family", but yet, a lot of it is tacky. There's good stuff out there that doesn't necessarily mention Jesus in every verse. I am learning a lot about how Christianity requires personal service--as in to the poor and broken, and not just evangelism.]

The Christian industry, ridiculous as its existence I believe is, is an industry that literally markets records based on the worldview of the artists, which no other industry does. The one thing they do really well is get resources to Christians. I thought this is something I want in the hands of fellow believers. I think that is the audience that this content would be relevant to and so that is the avenue that I took. Providentially, I landed with a label that I had no idea was really given the freedom to go beyond that. That is what Im trying to do now. Im not making records specifically and exclusively for the Church anymore.

[If I want worship tunes, I'll go to the Christian music industry. There's edgier stuff out there (i.e., Flyleaf, Plumb, Underoath, etc) that wouldn't be played on a "contemporary Christian" station (as far as contemporary goes, that's another story for another day). So it's still me, checking out the lyrics, and not necessarily the motives of the "artists".]

Like I said, Mockingbird, I believe, deals with much broader issues. There are many more points of connection with even our neighbors that dont believe what we believe about Jesus but do believe it is right to care for the poor. Maybe that is our connection point. Regardless, the label allows me the freedom to do that. That is a great provision for me, but I do think it is strange that I am in Christian music.

[I am finding that my views are becoming a lot less "traditional" and conservative than they once were....I want to do some more research into this whole "postmodern Christianity" or "postmodern Church" thing, and figure out how postmodernism and Christianity fit together.]

.....

RM: When this comes to fruition, what happens to American Christianity?

DW: Christian artists dont seem to be focused anymore on making great art. Thats our main problem, not what our message is, not what we are trying to communicate, not how we are breaking down these barriers, but the fact that we are failing to make good engaging art is our main problem. It doesnt matter what we are talking about if our art is no good. It does not make any difference. We could be talking about all the cool stuff in the world, how to help everyone and their dogs, but if we are not making great art as artists, then we are really letting the Church down.

We are taking our eye off the ball. Our industry, the way it is set up, who the gatekeepers are, it doesnt encourage making unique art, being who you are as an artist, being unique and not worrying about how it sells, letting the record companies do their job in order that you can do yours.

Thats not happening a lot in the Christian industry. We have a radio genre that is on the whole pretty uninteresting, and its pretty bland artistically. Either way, its kind of all one style. Christian is not a style of music. It is a worldview that represents a group of people, but its not a stylebut it is becoming a style. Thats the problem. What happens is you have people that make really cool music, and they are encouraged by their record label to make it more like this homogenous style that is happening on the radio.

[Bland and all one flavor, yes. I could go through the radio stations and, aside from recognizing songs that they're playing for 5 years in a row, I could recognize which one was playing Christian music.]

...

RM: When you were with Caedmons and you wrote a song, it was usually about love or the girl you couldnt get, and now you are the voice in the wilderness triumphing a new cause. How did you get from there to here?

DW: Marriage. Its unbelievable how totally central my marriage is to everything that has happened to me in the last six or seven years. Because I got married and all of a sudden its like you trade one set of complications for another. Its not like suddenly you stop longing and you stop being lonely, and it doesnt complete you or whatever, but it changes all the details. It changes the story.

...All of a sudden, Im like wait, the Church. Thats been the missing picture for me. That community, that lifestyle had never made sense to me before. Suddenly I was like, What is my role in that then? I have never fit easily into church community or whatever. I dont fit easily. A lot of us dont. Where do I fit? How do I get into a local church community? What is my role? What are my gifts really for? I think they are for the concepts of that local body to encourage and build that up.

[I'm trying to figure out where I fit...Having gone away to South Weymouth, I'm not around all that much in C-town. So where do I volunteer? Where can my input go?]

The bigger question is, what is the role of the Church in culture? I wanted to find these things out, so I started studying all this stuff. Next thing you know I have written a whole bunch of songs about it. Thats just what happens to me. Whatever I am thinking about, whatever Im reading, whatever Im interested in, thats just what I write about. I was really interested in women for a lot of years, trying to sort out relationships with Caedmons. I wrote a ton about it. Theology and women was what I was very interested in for many years.

[I need to buy this CD that he's talking about...But, as I have accumulated about 10 CDs this past year alone--free or not--I need to go on a "CD-buying" fast of sorts.]

summer!

What a week. I got to go to Impact this past weekend, and that was great. It was great to see everyone again, even if it was one of the last times. I now have a video of the "House on Fire" skit on my computer, which is pretty exciting. :)

This week I'm babysitting just about every day. I didn't get the job at Camp Wright, so basically my work is going to happen here and there. I applied to work at summer school in the KCPS, but that's in July, so I have about a month to spend doing random stuff. Cassi told me there are new places in the Outlets that are hiring, so I'm going to try to work there. The bad thing is that it's half an hour away and will use up all my precious gasoline. I miss the T. :)

More quotes:
~"Further up and further in!" (The Last Battle)
~Erin H, about the volume of the music: "We can't hear each other think!"
~"In the end Eustace and Jill begged so hard that Tirian said they could come with him and take their chance--or, as he much more sensibly called it, 'the adventure that Aslan would send them.' " (The Last Battle)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Christianity and culture, pt. 2

These quotes are from "Loving the Storm-Drenched," another CT article. This article talks about how the culture is like the weather, and we can only do so much to change it.

"I think much of our frustration is due to trying to steer the weather, rather than trying to reach individuals caught up in the storm."

"It is futile to think that we will one day take over the culture and steer it...No one controls it."

"We are preoccupied with that external world, when our Lord's warnings have much more to do with our intimate personal lives, down to the level of our thoughts."

"Christ planned to attract people to himself through the transformed lives of his people." Christianity, as I'm seeing it, is revolutionary. But not in the kind where we will FIGHT for our generation. Yes, we're in a battle for others, but it, as Don Miller puts it, is against poverty, injustice, etc. We're to love others to Jesus, not pressure them in. Which is what I've done in the past. (Confessional coming soon, once I can write it)

"Smart-alecky speech doesn't even work. It may win applause, but it does not win hearts."

The end. For now.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Christianity and culture

This is something that is always going to be debated: how culture and Christianity should interact. I am sort of reading an article in Christianity Today called "How the Kingdom Comes".

Neither can be isolated from the other.

I'm not sure how I feel about going to see the da Vinci Code. The book itself, though put together well, twists the Gospel message. But yet, if I see the movie, I can "engage the culture." But is this a good idea to do? I've read the book, and would like to see the movie, despite not agreeing with most of what it says.

According to another article on CT, it says this about how the gospels in the canon were actually chosen: Authors of accepted writings needed to have walked and talked with Jesus, or at least with his leading disciples. Their teaching could not contradict what other apostles had written, and their documents must have been accepted by the entire church, from Jerusalem to Rome. Church leaders considered earlier letters and reports more credible than later documents. Finally, they prayed and trusted the Holy Spirit to guide their decisions.

My brain can't think too much right now.

The end.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

venting--something I often like to do

I read this article on boundless.org, called "Venting and Losing." It was about why we shouldn't "vent" our emotions.

Venting is something I do somewhat often, and it's usually frustration over something, though I try to do it in my journal or talk to a few friends calmly/objectively. Not that that's how it always works, but...yeah.

The article pointed out a couple verses... Proverbs 10:19 (When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.), and Philippians 2:14-15 (Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe...).

It also pointed out, "my venting caused my self-righteousness to rise and made me even grumpier." I totally agree. If I start griping about something, then it just simmers in me.

"The term "venting" sounds deceptively therapeutic. The truth is, venting involves voicing frustrations that are often damaging to a person or a cause. By giving ourselves permission to "vent," we allow words to pour out unchecked, taking little time to consider whether they're gossip, slander or just good, old-fashioned complaint."

Also, "I can think of times when I have listened to a friend "vent" only to walk away with a diminished view of a person or ministry." Totally agree here...Sometimes when there is late night girl talk, as fun as it can be, sometimes people go down in respect points with me, based on other people's opinions. I should form my opinions of others based on my own interactions, but even then, I have to find the line between "judging" and forming an opinion. Is there a difference? That's another blog, another day.

The author also talked about how our society is marked by complaint about everything. "A person who doesn't criticize something is a novelty. He makes you wonder why he's satisfied. As believers, we have a compelling reason to not complain. We have been shown undeserved grace and given unfathomable riches through Jesus Christ. In light of this, complaining about anything seems — well, silly."

It said the solution to complaining, or rather the replacement, is to be content, based on Philippians 4:12: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." The author said, "When I become frustrated with my circumstances, I need to ask the Lord to resolve the situation."

We also need to have an attitude that includes love and thinking of the other person (not a victim mentality) and humility.

The closing paragraph: "But my goal is to have the attitude of Christ, rich in contentment, love and humility. That will require keeping the vent closed. After all, Jesus has given so much for me. I really can't complain."

So I think from now on, I need to work on this...rather than complaining about things, I need to keep my mouth shut, take it to God, and think of others and not myself. If I do choose to say something, it should be loving and "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Eph. 4:29). Wait let me revise that first sentence of this paragraph...{I need GOD to change this in me, this attitude of selfishness, and just rely on Him.} Yeah.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

being with God

A reflection on my spiritual life in the past year...

There have been times that I've been strong and close to God. There have been times where I hadn't a clue what I was doing and therefore drew close to God.

I want to hold a certain someone accountable. But every time I think about it, I am reminded that I am just as troubled in my own walk with God.

I truthfully don't know where to read in the Bible. Yes, me, the one that's gone to church most of her life, the one that does Bible quizzing. I think what's blocking me is my mentality that I've read most of the Bible, and therefore I don't know what else to do.

I have become very independent this year, being away from home and having to take care of myself without my mom continually reminding me of what I need to do. This is reflected in my relationship with God...I do what I can on my own, and then I "resort" to asking for help.

I also am not sure if I am where God wants me. And that can mess up my relationship with Christ, if I am not truly obedient in all things.

This summer I need to work on my patience with certain people, and find some sort of Bible study to do, and really get grounded in my faith.

I've been trying to trust God in my whole summer job search, because He's the one in charge.

Adam and I want to go watch the da Vinci Code, and I feel like I need to be extremely grounded in my faith before I watch it.

a new Matt Redman song: "You Never Let Go"
Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle
of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on this earth

Bridge:
Yes i can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still i will praise You, still i will praise You

being home

I've been home for about an hour now...We left Aunt Lori's at around 7 this morning, and stopped only a couple of times. I had to listen to some Billy Graham music. Bleck. But then Mom-Mom said she couldn't understand my Mat Kearney music. I can understand it, except for slight little parts.

I slept some, and also read Blue Like Jazz and some of Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Some quotes:

"The correct place to share our faith was from a place of humility and love, not from a desire for power." (Miller, 116)

"People like me, who know Hiim, carry our own agendas into the conversation rather than just relaying the message Christ wanted to get across." (Miller, 123)

(talking about how preachers say we're in a battle) "They wouldn't clarify that we were battling poverty and hate and injustice and pride and the powers of darkness." (Miller, 132)

As far as how home is, it's not terribly exciting. Rather quiet; the weather's nice. Meanwhile, I have to find where to unpack my stuff. It's like while I'm at college I have two houses, and at the moment, I am blending them together, but also getting rid of stuff I don't want anymore, or trying to store stuff I won't need till winter. I need another bookshelf and some plastic box things (to put stuff I won't need till ENC/winter).

Back to Blue Like Jazz:
"I think if you like somebody, you have to tell them. It might be embarrassing to say it, but you will never regret stepping up" (Miller, 142). I don't know how I feel about this quote...

"A person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love." (Miller 146-147)

***later edit***
We ate dinner next door at Ms. Judy's, and as they were getting the food ready, I just sat there and thought. I thunked and I thunked. Yes.

It kinda feels like I'm just here visiting, like this place isn't my home. Anymore. Judy asked if I wanted to call a friend and invite them over...except my friends are now scattered mostly throughout Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, and PA. I feel like I don't quite fit...which is why I plan to hang onto my almost 15-year-old brother (yikes! his birthday's on the 3rd!). He's going to be a sophomore in high school next year! Oh man!

Part of me just wants to stay packed and live out of my boxes for the summer. However, I have clothes in all my boxes, and once I can get plastic bin things, I'm going to reorganize things.

I really want to be productive this summer, and I can't exactly do that by moping about people that aren't even on campus either. I want to stay in touch with everyone else, but I think it'll feel like the conversations will be "Hi. How's your summer? That's good. Talk to you later."